Xizor, If you stop hopping around like that and dance again I’ll give you a $20 and a drink of your choosing. 
I think I made a mistake when I opened the “The Men of the SDMB are…” thread. I meant it as a little jab, a challenge to their egos. Now I’ve got men dancing in here & in there. I think I may have over extended my ogling abilities.
Little*bits;
I’d go for it, but I’m not worthy. I’ve only got 3 posts now. The other 2 are about java programming.
Oh, yeah, that’s the other problem. I type for a living.
Bashere, there is no excuse for not dancing at my bachelorette party (except projectile vomiting brought on by stage fright). Haul your tush up onto that stage, strip down & show us what you’ve got.
Your wish is my command. Err…strip down how far? I’ll do a couple of shots of vodka to ward of the stage fright, so its an honest question. Just trying to give the audience what they want…
Stage and not lap(dance), hunh?
Strip as far as you feel comfortable.
Ladies, how about some help. I can’t screen all the strippers by my self.
:: Firefighter Wolf slides down from the ceiling on a brass pole ::
Did you ladies call for a rescue?
(cue the stripper music)…Ba-boom Ba-boom
:: takes of fireman coat and twirls it in the air ::
FLING!
:: hands on hips, grinding most seductively ::
I smell smoke…It’s starting to get hot in here…I can’t believe how lucky I am to be trapped with ladies as beautiful as you…
KICK! (off goes one boot)
KICK! (off goes the other)
:: more seductive grinding, then turning around and so sexily shaking his ass, nice and slow, yeah ::
Easy, girls, there’s plenty for all of you…
:: he said, while flashing that killer smile and those steely blue eyes ::
:: thumbs in the waist band, he teases them with a peek, then the pants are s-l-o-w-l-y slid down the legs, taken off, and twirled in the air ::
FLING!
:: he grabs little*bit’s head and grinds his hips right in front of her face ::
You like, baby? Mmmmmmmmmmm…you’re gorgeous…
:: he said, while licking his full, luscious lips ::
I’d like to hold you like a guitar and play you all night long…
:: he strokes her hair ever so softly, and then ::
RIP!
:: off comes the shirt, flexing pecs that are glistening with steamy sweat ::
Mmmmmmmm…You girls are turning me on…
:: wearing nothing but a g-string and suspenders, Firefighter Wolf shakes his rock-hard gluteus to the maximus ::
SNAP! goes one suspender…
SNAP! goes the other…
:: he continues to gyrate for the lovely ladies of the bachelorette party, until, could it be? wait…AHHHHHHH, there goes the G-String! ::
:: he twirls it around on his finger, then shoots it into the adoring crowd ::
Every good fireman should come equipped with a good, firm hose…don’t you agree?
Oh, that didn’t raise the bar any. Err…where that vodka again?
Someone hose me down!!!
Not you Dire Wolf!!!
On that note I think I’ll drive home & log on from there. I need some time to cool off. Hopefully there will be some more acts posted before I get back.
blinks
fans self
Damn…points at Dire Wolf I want one!!!
::The (slightly swaying) bashere saunters on to stage, blinks a couple of times in the light, thanks god for vodka, and starts the music…
( she was a fast machine…)
…grabs the pole with hands over his head and…
(…she kept her motor clean…)
::undulates from head to toe and back…
( she was the best damn…err…wait…this is a horrible song in this context)
::reaches forward and rips of the tee-shirt ( from a defunct software company) exposing a washboard stomuch, honed from throwing up before work.
::Off go the battered nikes…followed by the jeans. Abs toned from hours of frantic mouse movement…legs bulging from running to meetings…ass of absolute steel…long blonde hair and blue eyes - (the dutch courage is finally kicking in).
::waits for the screams of the crowds and the waving of bills.
Ladies, the FINEST entertainment has yet to come…
:::::sk8 straps on nipple clamps, and glues booby tassles to ass cheeks::::::
I finally make it home, only to find that my strippers have all gone on break.
:mad:
I’m still here. And still pathetically eager to please!
I’m like that.
Well, I’d dance, but you’d have to get sun-glasses first. The glare off of my scrawny pale body is not something to be taken lightly.
:: sticks head in on way home::
Look at all the women passed out…::hic::
looks like they had almost as much fun as we had…
::TAXI!!!::
Check out my signature line, m’dear. I’ll dance for you, and I don’t wear a g-string, so there’s no tipping. (A beer would be nice. Dancing is hot work!)
I would love to apply. Miss Struuter, I believe you’ve seen my act before. Where do I sign up?
Oh guys! This is so great! I can’t possibly tell you how much I appreciate your…blinks at the fine bodies undulating around her…your…uh…presence?
bashere…very nice. I just had to tell you–and that’s not just for moral support. (frankly, I doubt we’ll be seeing much concerning morals around here before long…)
Dire–never a dull moment with you. Thanks for giving it your all. And I do mean all…
Fonz, very nice indeed. Drinks are on the house.
xizor, jumping jacks? I don’t think my heart can take it. No, no! Don’t stop!
BlackKnight, I’ve got my sunglasses right here. Don’t you worry about a thing.
sk8–I’m speechless. What can I say? Um…nice tassles. You sure know how to use them. 
(sees lurker sneak out) chicken.
ChrisP–You sign up right here. Yes, right here. I have seen your act–you don’t need to audition–unless you’d like to make my day…
Wait until I start doing no-handed pushups
Good gravy!