Oops… I walked back to my desk today, and just as I was sitting down I heard the most horrifying RRRRIIIIP! My pants had just split up the seam all the way from the crotch to the back of the belt :eek: :eek: :eek:
Fortunately, it was just at lunch time so I was able to wrap my coat around my waist and walk to my car.
Unfortunately, I work in a small town about an hour drive from my house, and no stores of any size. The closest is a Wal-Mart about 20 minutes away.
I went into the Wal-Mart (still with the coat firmly in place) and took a pair of jeans into the fitting room. Then I ripped of the tags and took them to the cashier to pay.
I sure hope this doesn’t happen again anytime soon.
That happened to me once and I wasn’t even aware of it when it happened. I was wearing jeans at the time, and when I was just getting ready to go home I noticed they felt…different. Reaching back, I discovered to my horror that they split not along the seam, but about 1-1/2 inches to the left of it, from the inseam up to the waistband. The worst thing is, I was totally unaware of it and had probably been walking around like that for some time. And I have no idea how or why it happened. It’s not like they were super tight or anything.
My wardrobe malfuntions never expose anything but are annoying nonetheless. I’ve had two bra wires snap in half. Two bras - one wire each. Each time I was on campus for class and luckily was wearing a large sweatshirt so it wasn’t hugely obvious that one breast was minorly lopsided. I was just standing there and pop, the stupid wire cracked in half. They were both in need of replacing when that happened but wtf!! hehe
And…at Disneyland about three months ago my NEW bra growls in frustration decided to develop a hole and the whole wire just shimmies itself up toward my chin. I feel something resting near my breastbone that shouldn’t be there and I look down my shirt to see that the wire has nearly come out of the bra. So I just pulled it out completely and went about my day - again thankfully in a large sweatshirt.
So luckily I’ve never flashed anyone in the process but yeesh! hehe
I had an expensive pair of slacks do that to me once, without my knowledge. I was with some coworkers at a Chinese buffet, and going back to my table I heard one of the workers at the buffet line yelling “sir! sir!” but I had no idea they were trying to get my attention, until I sat down at the table and my ass felt a bit… breezy. I skittered into the bathroom, where I discovered that not only had they split, but a big flap was hanging down and half my ass (covered by bright red boxers) was hanging out. To make matters worse, I had no coat with me. I wound up untucking my shirt and walking out with my hands behind my back at the end of the meal. Luckily I was able to make a quick drive home and change my pants.
Could be worse, though… I knew a guy in high school who walked around one day with his fly unzipped and his cock hanging out – when it was pointed out to him he panicked and in his haste got it caught up in the teeth of the zipper. He never was able to live that one down.
There are little stickers on the light switches in all the bathrooms at work telling us to turn off the lights if we’re the last one out. From time to time someone will shut off the lights without realizing that one of the stalls is occupied. So when I was leaving the bathroom one day I squatted down to check the stalls for coworkers and …
(SHHRRRIIIIPPP) I split the entire back seam of my jeans open. I spent the rest of the day with my jacket tied around my waist. I don’t look under the stall doors anymore.
I also had a zipper malfunction in the Orlando International Airport. My sister and I were picking up my mom, and we stopped in the bathrooms before we went to the gate. I was wearing a pair of old shorts that day. The zipper went down, but wouldn’t go back up. Not wanting to miss my mom’s arrival, I just held my purse in front of me. That plan worked until we got to the metal detectors and I had to throw my purse on the conveyor belt.
Heh heh
If my husband finds out that I told this story, I’m in so much trouble…
A few weeks ago, hubby is getting ready to take the trash bin out. This includes replacing the liners and litter in both cat boxes, which involves some bending and stooping. At the time, he was wearing a pair of flannel lounge pants, boxer shorts and a sweatshirt. As he rolls the bin out, he notices that it’s cold “down there.” So he looks down to see his wang dangling out the peep hole of his lounge pants. In one quick motion he shoves Mr Happy back in the pants and looks for horrified neighbors. Thankfully he was the only one outside at the moment. Who knows if any of the old codgers were peering out their windows (a favorite past time for them).
[Old Lady Voice] Harold… That Scottish fella across the street has his cock hanging out… he may be a short shit, but he makes up for it in other ways! [/OLV]
I had to leave work an hour early a month ago because I split the back of my black pants right up the as#. I told my boss why because she looked like she needed a laugh. She couldn’t even stop laughing long enought to say, “yes, you can go home”. I just went.
I also have a problem with underwires. They are pretty damn painful when they snap like that. Damn DD’s.
I was at a Halloween party a few years back hosted by a friend that used to play OL in the NFL. Big guy to say the least. My wife and I’d stopped by a magic shop on the way to pick up some masks and I’d also purchased one of those small, hand held rapid reel devices that is essentially a fishing line that’ll retract real quick attached to a dollar bill.
We were standing by the bar and before my large friend approached I tossed the bill out. Strolling by, he saw it, reached down to pick it up and within inches of his fingers ZZZzzzziiiiiippppppPPPP I reeled it back in. He didn’t even move, just burst out in hilarious laughter still squatted over . . . laughter so extreme everone in the kitchen behind him looked over and then, as if on que, the stretched ass of his pants parted as if for Moses.
Now the whole effing kitchen explodes with laughter. It was just like an old Life magazine, ending with a Parting Shot.
