Warren Zevon's Dead, And I Don't Feel So Good Myself

The BBQ Pit
21

You could also take another lesson from Mr. Zevon - a person much like yourself, it sounds to me. He had his troubles with addiction, with OCD, relationships, and in general just living a normal life. He managed to get through by laughing at it or mocking it.

Well, I’m gone to Detox Mansion
Way down on Last Breath Farm
I’ve been rakin’ leaves with Liza
Me and Liz clean up the yard

Left my home in Music City
In the back of a limousine
Now I’m doin’ my own laundry
And I’m getting those clothes clean

Growin’ fond of Detox Mansion
And this quiet life I lead
But I’m dying to tell my story
For all my friends to read

Well, it’s tough to be somebody
And it’s hard not to fall apart
Up here on Rehab Mountain
We gonna learn these things by heart

22

However, take it from me, Leaving Las Vegas isn’t a good option when your depressed…

23

And the meds obviously make it impossible for me to understand the difference between “your” and “you’re”…

24

I was reading this whole thread, thinking this very thing.

Why go to Thanksgiving?

And me, I don’t think I’d lie about it. I’d say “I’m having a birthday celebration, sorry, dudes, can’t make it.” Heck, the above advice about saying you don’t want to spend your birthday with people who don’t support you–take it, but why wait until you’re in the middle of the crap? Take pre-emptive action.

And then I’d order out–you know, there are carryout gourmet places, and buffets that are open for Thanksgiving, call one of them and get yourself a big styrofoam container of turkey and gravy, or lo mein, or whatever. Heck, the deli at my local grocery store sells thanksgiving dinner, I bet yours could pack you up a plate. Go get yourself a little cake at the bakery, get a sixpack, or whatever nice thing you like to drink, and then spend tonight wandering around the video store comedy section looking for a pick-me-up or three to watch tomorrow.

The family is toxic. The ex-girlfriend is toxic. You know this. Previous advice to change your habit of thought is also right on–when you catch yourself thinking about the wench, you need to remind yourself that she’s not worth the trouble and once you’ve finished your schooling you’re outta there. But you don’t need to leave town to limit your contact with your family. Hell, what do you think answering machines are for?

Hang in there, man, you’ll be all right. I’ve been badly depressed before, and it sucks, but you’ll be okay, you’re thinking about things, you’re taking your meds, you’re working on your situation. Take a deep breath, and keep hanging on.

Oh, and on preview, I think Inigo Montoya’s advice is worth repeating.

25

oh yeah…this helps too!

26

Bren Cameron You are right…in theory. The best thing to do would be to bow out honestly. But sometimes this is easier on paper than in real life. I know with my family…who are not nearly as bad as Tuckerfan’s but who have their moments…Sometimes I just can’t bring myself to confront them. I just don’t have the energy. So sometimes a white lie, while not the ideal solution, is the best one under the circumstances.

27

BubbaDog, thanks, I’ll have to try that.

Ferret Herder, thanks.

Larry Borgia, I’m in school to be a machinist, I no doubt could be an engineer, but I really can’t hack the way most things are taught these days. All textbooks and theory, no hands on stuff. That’s one of the reasons why I like being a machinist, I can get my mitts dirty. And bailin’ on the folks isn’t an option, since if I do that, I’ll get a lecture every time I talk to them in the future. If I make an appearance, even for just a couple of hours, then I can bail, without having to worry that I’m going catch hell for it for at least a year. Besides, I just found out that my cell phone company offers a “Rescue Call” service. Things get too bad, I can duck into the bathroom, program the phone to ring in a couple of minutes, and then, I can make an excuse that I’ve got to go grab a friend who’s car’s broken down.

5que, well, I can (and have my doctor’s permission) to vary the dosage, within limits. This time, however, I over did it. I’m certainly not going to do that again.

vibrotronica, thanks.

Inigo Montoya, mom may be a big girl, but she’s 74 and has to work a job nearly as crappy as mine. Not to mention I’ve got all these childhood memories of mom being reduced to tears because she didn’t have the money to buy groceries. So as irrational as it may be, I’ve got real issues when it comes to upsetting my mother.

Bren_Cameron, in addition to the flak I’d get for bailing, there’s also the fact that I wouldn’t get to eat if I didn’t go. Literally, I’m broke and almost out of food until payday (Friday), so if I want to be able to eat something other than spaghetti noodles, sprouted potatoes, onions, butter, and cat food (well, the cat wouldn’t like it if I ate her food so I wouldn’t touch that), then I’ve got to go.

28

Ah. Human relationships and the perilous compassion that sometimes results. Mom’d like Monterey too.

29

How’d the day go? Are you all right?

30

You’d have thought we were at a funeral. Hardly anyone said much at all. Just lots of silences. Which is better than getting reamed, but it was damned weird.

31

Tuckerfan, glad you got past Thanksgiving.

If you’re moving forward then you’re doing fine. You’re working towards getting a degree. That’s good. So you’ve covered the employment angle.

Re your depression/state of mind: Someone here advised watching movies. I’ll go against that advice and recommend getting out of the house. Tennessee is a beautiful state. Get outside and enjoy what nature has to offer now that you have a car. I highly recommend the Smoky Mountains as they offer wonderful hiking hills. I also love the Mammoth Cave area. Both place offer cheap camping if that’s your thing or great rates at motels. It’s amazing how refreshing and spiritually centering a hike in a beautiful forest can be.

Just wear a bell around your neck so you can warn off the bears.

Re relationships: I’m glad your ex-girlfriend and you have closure now. If everyone that loves you has warned you about her, I’d think long and hard about why. Sounds like you haven’t found the right person yet, but weeding out the toxic girlfriend sure sounds like a step in the right direction.

All in all, it sounds to me like you’re on the right path. You just have to have a bit of patience. Remember, a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

32

You’re not prone to some of that seasonal affective disorder, are you?

Not too far away from you in Gawjuh, this past couple of weeks of mostly clouds and rain made me kinda blue. I had forgotten how sensitive I am to that sort of thing, but apparently as we slide towards winter it doesn’t take much lack of sunshine to really make you miserable. Not that you didn’t have a good head start, but . . .

I got out for a while today, it was a brilliant autumn day and even by the time I got home, I had more energy. Can’t hurt to try it. Just put on your walking shoes and hit it. Must be a lot of pretty places in your corner of the world to go look at.

Hope you’re doing better.

Jenny
your humble TubaDiva

33

Me too.

Heh. Funny you should mention that. You see, the only reason I ever went back to school was because when Sarah and I were dating four years ago, I wanted a decent job to be able to take her places and buy her things. In short, I am who I am today, because of her.

Sadly, I can’t afford the gas to go anywhere. And I’d have to go alone, because none of my friends would be interested/able to go.

Closure, my ass. My only hope is to put as much distance as possible between her and I. Even then, I will have trouble resisting her siren’s call. I knew going into it the second time around, that there was the strong possibility of it ending badly (Damn near killed me the last time we split up, and if there hadn’t been the chance that the kid she’s carrying was mine, I wouldn’t have gone to the doc and gotten put on the meds that are now keeping me alive. And even if I had done the “smart” thing and stayed away from her, sooner or later, something would have happened in my life to kick my depression into overdrive, but who knows if I would have had the reason to get on the meds or not? Odds are, I probably would have tried to just grit my teeth and bear it. I’m certain I wouldn’t have made it.), but I also knew that there was a microscopically slim chance things could work out.

Look, I’ve been around the block a few times, I know that every time you fall in love, you say the same crap about how you’ve never loved anyone like this before, how it’s better. etc., etc. Each time we mean it, just as much as we did the time before, but Sarah changed me in ways that no one else has. I’m a much better person for knowing her (as bad as she has been for me). One of the reasons I dragged out my schooling for as long as I have, is because I knew that when I graduated, I’d be thinking to myself, “What the hell do I do now?” That’s one of the reasons why I bought the Chrysler, even though I could ill afford it. To remind me of myself, when I was a teenager, and I thought I could change the world. To have something to focus on besides Sarah.

Let’s hope I’m on the right path.

34

Well, I’m sure that the crappy weather we’ve been having of late hasn’t done too much to enhance my mood, but even if the sun was shining and it was 95F, I’d still have been flaking out.

Not really. There’s lovely places in TN, that’s true, but they’re all some distance away from here. The only parks near here are all “city parks,” no real nature trails, just baseball diamonds, soccer fields, etc. Everything else is development or cow pastures.

Thanks. I’m not quite so despondant as I was when I started this thread. The only thing that’s got me worried is that there’s a good chance I could get axed at work in the next couple of days (Pete Puma’s trying to frame me for one of his screw ups.), and if I lose my job, it’s going to be very iffy (financially) for me.