I feel like crap. I’ve never felt so alone. I don’t know how to handle being like this. I lost some friends in a car accident recently. I’m trying to make new friends, but mostly I just hate the people I’ve been meeting. Sleazy guys, catty women, narcissists, and crappy people with no morals. I just moved to a new city for a new job, so now I’m isolated more than ever. I broke it off with my boyfriend who didn’t treat me well. I have no family, no friends, and honestly think the future is bleak. I’m trying to be happier and think positive thoughts, but I just hate this world. I hate the people in it, and mostly just want to die in my sleep. Yeah, fun times lol
Can’t eat. Can’t sleep. I don’t know how to get out of this rut. I used to use hard drugs, but not anymore. My rep in my hometown is not so good, so I don’t plan on going back, but I still want to make some moves since Colorado is just not for me. I honestly question if I can continue to live amongst other people. Part of me just wants to move somewhere in the middle of nowhere so that I can’t be around anymore disgusting/useless people. If you were ever in a similar situation, what helped you get out of it? I just hate feeling this way.
Eating a little may help you get some sleep. You need both to help get through this awful time. I always grab a little toast, some milk or tea, slice or two of cheese-- something simple. It helps bring the snooze.
And I hear ya when you meet crappy people, but don’t think all of them have no morals right away. It’s just the bullshit small talk. Give people time to warm up. It also sounds like dealing with the recent death of friends may not make it easy to open up to new people about and maybe hard to even make any new friends quickly. Give yourself some time too.
But what about the other “new” stuff? New job? New city? New road, new stuff, new lifey things to appreciate eventually. It may not be a very good time to relocate from what you describe in your first paragraph, but believe me, it will fit together soon.
This is exactly what I needed when I felt the exact same way, but I didn’t do it and that was a huge mistake. See a Doctor, see a Therapist, see a Professional who is objective and helpful. They will guide you to ways to figure things out.
I’m sorry for your loss.
You may be stuck in the grief process with the lack of a support system adding to your pain. A misanthropic frame of mind will surely serve to further isolate you. Time to nip this spiral. Seek out a good therapist and get yourself exercising - preferably outdoors. Now is likely not the time to make big decisions - such as relocating again. The old ‘wherever you go, there you are’ may apply. Be your own good friend and take care of yourself.
Ask yourself what you need. Not what you want or hope for. Fulfill those needs for as long as it takes until “more” (whatever that may be) becomes desirable again—based on how it benefits you. This is a chance for an authentic life not shaped by social pressure. Not all of us get a breather but even if forced on us it can be a clearer look down a better path. Sometimes pausing in our lives can be more conducive that full steam ahead.
Naturally you’re tremendously down after your losses.
First, let me add my voice to others offering their empathy. I’ve experienced major losses from about age 25 and the worst thing is when there seems to be, or actually is, no one listening as much as you need it.
The comments upthread about needing to see a professional are well expressed. We don’t always know when we are simply “down” (to put it mildly) because of the times and when we have symptoms of clinical depression. You very much need to see a good professional as soon as possible, at least to get checked out.
I am not a “professional” (experience in peer support doesn’t count) but my very educated guess is that a change of location, making new friends, exercise, working on humor, and so on, would be helpful but not enough.
Is there a “lifeline” phone service where you are? They are not just for anti-suicide calls but can help you make needed connections.
If not, I’m sure you can find the needed resources online.
You may send me a Private Message or e-mail me if you like. I wish you the very best.
Also, as someone who fought with depression my whole life, getting on some medicine to help my mood swings and to help me sleep really helped. I fought against pills (I can do it myself!) tooth and nail…but damn it all if they didn’t actually help me when I had them.
Also, try not to be a one-and-done here. These are cool people here on this website and they helped me feel a lot less alone when I was participating in threads.
Jake Johannsen, talking about something sad that had happened to him, summed it up by saying that he’d paced around wearing a bathrobe, smoking, eating pot pies, and saying “fuck!” over and over for about 6 months. But, eventually, he got to his last “fuck!”, snuffed out the last cigarette, and took a shower. That pretty much describes sadness.
Depression, generally speaking, is much less specific & can last for many years. It is treatable, happily!
When in doubt, seek a professional opinion. Do it soon.
I’m in agreement with everyone above. See a doctor. And soon. You need some chemical assistance for a while, or at least some counseling, to get you through your grief and loss. Trust me, I know what I’m saying. I’m a widow, independent as heck, but when my husband passed away, I needed some medical support for that first year. I’m fine now. But still glad I got the help when I did.
Secondly, to specifically address Colorado. I moved here 12 years ago now and it has only been in the last 5 years that I could honestly say I’ve made real friends. I don’t know where you came from initially, but I came from the Midwest, where the concept of friendship is different than it is here. Not necessarily better or worse, just different. Friendships don’t happen quickly here. People are very wary of newcomers. I get that. They were innundated with coasters from both directions back in the '80s and they didn’t necessarily treat the native Coloradans very well. When they left after the tech/comm boom busted, they left Colorado in a real mess. I understand their suspicion of outsiders.
Get out as much as you can. Check out the meetup sites. The original one is all about friendships and not about dating and will give you a chance to go out and do things with other people new to the area or just looking to do something fun. I found lots of fun things to do here through these groups that I would never have known to do on my own. And it is so much more fun to do things with a group than by oneself.
With all of this, it’s no wonder you’re feeling low right now. I’m sorry for your loss.
I do commend you for having the strength to break up with the boyfriend who wasn’t treating you well.
I think a lot of people feel like that once in a while, at least. Emphasis on “feel”—you can feel like life isn’t worth living or the world is utter crap, while realizing that your feelings don’t reflect reality.
One thing I can tell you with 100% confidence: there are good people out there in the world. People who would befriend you and love you if they had the chance. I know, that’s easy to say and still leaves you with the problem of finding them, connecting with them, distinguishing them from the “sleazy guys, catty women, narcissists, and crappy people with no morals”; but I hope it gives you hope.
You need to force yourself to find a doctor. Even though you probably don’t even want to put one foot in front of the other to move. You must do it. Your feeling of sadness due to the loss of your friends is perfectly normal, wanting to die in your sleep is not.
Once you feel better about yourself, you will be surprised how many more people will gravitate toward you, and you won’t be alone anymore.
I also second getting a pet. Even a hamster or a goldfish will give you something to think about except yourself. Just don’t forget that this WILL pass, and you will eventually feel better.
When I’ve lost loved ones, I spend time remembering them and reminding myself how lucky I was to know them. Yes, sometimes it means I feel sad cuz they are gone but I remember how good it was too. I guess it’s my way of honoring their memory and facing the end so a new beginning can happen for me.
And other than see a doctor, which you should do…do you live where it’s cold and darker in winter? Get a light for SAD -seasonal affective disorder lights are not real expensive and have helped me when part of my sadness was seasonal.
I don’t think sadness and depression are the same thing. They can cause the same symptoms, and they get confused easily, but depression is more a temperamentwhile sadness is more a mood or emotion. I’ve been depressed and felt sad, and once the depression lifted so did the sadness. I’ve been sad due to lifestyle events but I wasn’t depressed. In those situations (with good counseling) the sadness eventually lifted.
So that would be my advice, maybe see a councilor to talk about the sadness about all these life events.
You need a plan! You have legitimate reasons to be unhappy, but you need a plan to dig yourself out of that hole.
Get a little bit of exercise- just take a short walk every day. It really does make one feel better.
Get a doctor and a check up to make sure all is OK (thyroid, etc), and a referral to a psychologist or psychiatrist if needed.
And find a social outlet- a group, club, or church.
I go to the Unitarian church because I’m not religious and they don’t care. There are lots of nice and interesting people there and they have lots of interesting things to do.