Was I a Coward Here?

[kayaker]

@t-bonham@scc.net

If they were paying a bill, the store must have their name & address. Get that info, and report them to child protection services.

Seriously? I can go up and ask the cashier for a customer’s name and address?:dubious:

[Joey_P]

@Annie-Xmas

I’ve learned you have to be very careful around parents and children. They are THEIR children, and even if you don’t agree, unless it’s affecting you and/or hurting the child, say nothing.

I once told a child trying to open a cash register that had money in it “You cannot be behind the register.” The mother reported me for disciplining her child!

Reported you to who?

[Annie-Xmas]

The manager. “If my child is acting up, she should tell me, and I’ll take care of it.”
Most of the time, that’s what I do. But your child going behind and register and pushing buttons…You bet I’m going to address that directly.

That was the only time a parent did that. Most parents will tell the child not to do it. One father said “I know I’ve taught you better than that. You don’t touch things that do not belong to you, and you stay by me in a store.”

[TruCelt]

@t-bonham@scc.net

If they were paying a bill, the store must have their name & address. Get that info, and report them to child protection services.

I’ve worked in child services, and in my experience, parents who treat their children like that in public are even more cruel in private, often physically violence & abusive to the child. Report 'em.

Well, I’m not sure you could have gotten their information, but you could wait until the family leaves the store, explain to the clerk what you intend to do, and ask them to keep the information handy in case CPS wants to pursue the issue.

It’s very location specific though. Most CPS are too resource-starved to follow up on the extreme cases they have coming in. But even just having the report there on file can help if a second report comes in. They are more likely to act the next time.

As for in the moment, it’s better not to unless there is physical harm and you can substantiate it. i.e. if you’re calling 911, then prevent further harm if you can. I always recommend people of conscience get some de-escalation training. Then you’ll have the skills to really do some good in these situations.

[Saintly_Loser]

That’s just vile behavior.

Still, I wouldn’t have intervened. And I’m the father of two small children.

Short of actual violence, I really don’t think intervening in situations like that will help the children, and may only make things worse.

[Fotheringay-Phipps]

@Little_Nemo

What were your options? It was an act of petty cruelty but the police and child protective services aren’t going to intervene over a balloon popping.

You could have said something but the likeliest result would be that the parents would have gotten mad at you and then taken their anger out on the child later.

It certainly looks like these are two terrible parents. It’s a sad situation but sometimes there’s nothing you can do.

Not just that, but you would probably freak the kid out too. People in that situation can see themselves as sticking up for the kid, but a little kid - even if it’s a kid whose parents are somewhat abusive - would probably be frightened by someone confronting their parents (and possibly feel guilty about it as well).

[It’s sometimes like that - though a slightly different dynamic - with people who intervene in spouse abuse cases. Best of intentions, but many times the abused and the abuser turn around and put up a united front against the interloper.]

[BigT]

I concur. This is a situation where you don’t really have any good options, and there is a viable reason to just keep quiet. I know that I would not have been able to even do the suggestion of nicely talking about the kid, as I’d be too upset.

I know for a fact that I could not contain my anger and would make things worse.

[DrDeth]

No, you were right.

[TPWombat]

@Little_Nemo

What were your options? It was an act of petty cruelty but the police and child protective services aren’t going to intervene over a balloon popping.

You could have said something but the likeliest result would be that the parents would have gotten mad at you and then taken their anger out on the child later.

It certainly looks like these are two terrible parents. It’s a sad situation but sometimes there’s nothing you can do.

Agree with all 3 of these points particularly the second. Kid might have got a real smacking later in private because of your intervention. Horrible situation to witness and no, you aren’t and weren’t a coward.