Yeah, I can’t imagine doing this. If someone doesn’t want my help, that’s all I need to know.
This can actually work both ways. I am fairly tall and, while grocery shopping one day, noticed a very short person struggling to get something off of a tall shelf. I offered to help, they accepted, we both moved on. The next aisle over we again encounter each other, but this time I’m needing something off the bottom shelf so the shorter person happily offers to get it for me. I gladly accept, and we both go on about our business with our day brightened just a little bit.
At work I normally say “Let me know if you want help with anything” to everyone, regardless of ability/disability. That leaves the ball entirely in their court.
You still get the occasional hot-headed prickly asshole, but that’s life in the retail world.
Occasionally, when I’m in the right mood and someone offers me help and I’m literally not doing anything, I can’t resist asking them what they think it is that they might help me with. I ask in the friendliest way possible too, in order not to come off as rude or angry.
I might just start saying “ok, great” in response to these questions and just wait to see what happens. Hahaha. 
Well these people seem to believe that I do want the help but for reasons of politeness or pride am unwilling to ask for it. “Oh, it no problem, really!” -as they force their “help” on me-is a common reaction to me smiling and saying “no thanks”.
*EDIT: oh wait, I read the OP wrong. It was his wife doing the scolding…I thought he meant the guy saw him later and scolded him. So the wife is being the asshole then, she must think he’d rather be ignored? scratch what I said before.
Hard to believe this was 14 years ago, but here is an example of the “forced help” busy-body.
This is like a Sesame Street sketch. Life imitates art.
In regard to Shodan’s response, I agree.
mmm
Used to be called “staff”. Now called “team members”. Some stores still offer that service…
I’ve been insulted for offering to help, so in general I let the women offer to help the women, and I’ll offer to help the guys. From the OP I see that this is still the right policy: his wife doesn’t like the idea of strange blokes offering to help her.
Apart from that, from my limited personal experience, I concurr with what’s been said about people who insist on helping, and about people who offer without insisting.
Last week I was at a gas station filling up when a lady pulled in behind me. She took a very long time to get out of the car because she had to put together her walker and hoist herself out of the seat.
As I watched her struggle, I considered asking if she’d like me to fill up the gas tank for her. I stopped when I realized that that would entail her trusting me with her credit card, which was unlikely. So I didn’t ask. And I still feel bad for not asking, even if I risked offending her.
Sometimes you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
Trust the person to whom you offered assistance. If s/he really said, “No, thanks”, you are right. If s/he said, “I am quite capable or getting this myself, thank you”, “the missus” is probably right.
I work at the polls a lot. Whenever someone with a disability come in, or a very short person, it’s my job to say “Do you need anything (or any assistance)?” If the person says “No,” that’s good enough. I’m the one who gets or does whatever they need, and it streamlines the process if I essentially let them know “this is the time and place to ask.” But I keep it short and simple, and never persist. I keep my voice low and neutral.
Once, I really wanted to kick a co-worker. A guy came in who was a little person, and he was small even for a little person. It happened I knew him slightly because we used to go to the same art theater a lot. I said “You need anything?” he said “Nope,” and I turned on the machine and went to the next person.
Then one of the other workers says in a high voice, like you might use with a little kid “Are you sure you don’t need a stool, Hon?” I cringed inside, but I kept going on like nothing had happened. He totally ignored her. I was going to talk to him a little, when he was done (it was slow) just sort of “Hey, seen any good movies? have a nice day,” kind of thing, but after that, I let him get out as fast as he wanted to.
Just sort of a right way/wrong way example.
I’m not saying I’m especially wise, but I worked with disabled people every day for years. I’m sure outside my field I do all kinds of dumb stuff.
I’ve been thinking about this alot the past few weeks. I have a really bad ankle sprain, and have been in a walking boot for three weeks so far. Just barely weight bearing. Up until a few days ago, if I had to walk somewhere, it involved very tiny limping steps.
People hold doors open for me. I appreciate that they want to help. But the reality is that I’d like to do it myself, because I want to lean on the door to rest for a moment.
The first time I went grocery shopping, someone on her way out asked me if I wanted her to shop for me. I thanked her but said I was picky about what I was getting, and needed to do it myself. She kept insisting, and it took three or for “no thank you” comments before she gave up.
I appreciate that there are some nice people out there, and that they want to help. I also appreciate that they have no idea if I want help or not. The only one of these people who annoyed me was the one who wouldn’t take no for an answer.
No you weren’t an asshole to the guy in the w/c . I bet the guy will live through this and won’ t need years of therapy .
You should check the back of your chair more often for “Help me” signs that kids have taped to it.