Was I just not getting the signals she was sending off??

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So there’s a woman at work that I like, her name is Charity, and I’ve yapped about her in a couple of other threads. I’m 33, she’s 23, she has a 3 year old kid, she’s living paycheck to paycheck, I’m living with my dad, etc. We’ve chatted a good bit, I’ve made her laugh, we have a decent time together, granted that the only time we are together is work, but still.

A little over a week ago, I asked her if she’d like to get a drink or something sometime. She said that she and her ex were trying to be friends and that she didn’t really feel like having to deal with all of the hurt that can come with a relationship, but that yeah we could have a drink sometime.

Then last week while I was out, Charity and some of my other co-workers made plans to go out on Friday night. I heard about it after things were kinda, sorta, firm and I didn’t do the whole ask if I could tag along like a late-comer thing, for several reasons, the big one being that I just felt wrong about doing it.

Then last Friday rolls around and everyone is bailing on the plans to get together, leaving Charity alone.:frowning: I know, how sad.

So, she and I are walking through the building, and she says that she’s going to be all alone in her apartment, and she’ll have no one to drink with. I almost said (in a joking/serious manner) that the first step to being an alcoholic is spending the night drinking by yourself, I have very personal first hand proof that this is indeed true and almost asked if I could come over and have a drink with her.

But I didn’t.:smack: :smack:

Then when we got out to her car, we were talking and she asked me, “What are you going to do this weekend?”

Again, I almost asked her if I could come over and have a drink with her but once again, I didn’t.:wally :smack:

As to why I didn’t ask her if I could come over when it was seemingly apparent that it was just going to be Charity all by herself, well I guess it goes back to her saying that she didn’t feel like having to deal with a relationship and all the stuff that goes with it. Of course, you could argue that she and I don’t even have a relationship…I don’t know.

So, was I just ignoring her signals or did I take them the wrong way? Am I a hopeless idiot when it comes to women.

Go ahead, be bluntly horribly truthful.*

*But please be gentle.

2

Just ask her to go out for a drink. I think she really would like you to do that. Don’t stress over it.

3

You blew a chance, that’s true enough. But you also maybe gave her a chance to think that telling you last week to back off was the wrong signal for her to give. You’ll get another shot. No biggie.

4

I can tell this woman is 23. Talking about a “relationship” when all you’ve done is ask her to have a drink is not a wise move if she didn’t want to scare you off, as prr noted. A more experienced woman would know better.

But as for blowing this opportunity, sure, you did, but so what? She’s not going anywhere, and with a kid, chances are neither is her social life.
WSLer, from the sound of your post, you don’t seem to realize that YOU hold the upper hand in this situation. Men who would date a single mother with a small child don’t exactly grow on trees (speaking firsthand here; I was the child of such a woman) This woman may be too young to realize how much her child will affect her life for the next 15 years, but she will learn. The fact that you are still interested even when you know she has a kid says something about you, something she is probably too young to pick up on.

There is also another, more disturbing possibility. You said she was living paycheck-to-paycheck. It sounds like her ex isn’t exactly handing over the childs support/alimony. This woman could be looking for a wallet to support her and the child, or at least another person to share her burden. (You didn’t say if you lived with your dad because you want to or because you need to.) It may sound harsh to talk about it this way, but hey, we all got to survive however we can. But whatever you do, watch out for signs she could be a user. You are not OBLIGATED to help make her life easier.

So, to sum up, relax! Time is on your side. There will be other opportunities, especially if you put a little effort into making them happen. And there ARE other women. But watch yourself, and proceed with caution.

5

Jesus farking christ. Every time. Nobody ever gives the watch-your-wallet-dude advice in the garden variety non-single-mom “does she like me?” threads. But I’d say the proportions of users to non-users are similar in both groups.

WSLer, just ask already, huh?

6

Be careful, WSLer! After all she is 23. You might want to find out if she’s a Strokes fan before you go asking her out. Could drive a real wedge between the two of you. :smiley:

Seriously, though…there are a lot of opportunities that only come once in a lifetime, but asking a pretty girl out on a date is not one of them. She’s clearly interested in you. It doesn’t matter how awkwardly you ask; she’s going to say yes.

So ask!

7

As is normal in a case where you are close to the source you over analyze every situation and every word spoken. Just chill, do what you want, if you want to ask her out again than do it, if you are too afraid then don’t. But don’t go back over every gesture, every word spoken, etc. Usually you go back over it so many times that it comes out totally different than it started. Just be you. Ask her. If she doesn’t want to than move on to the next one.

8

Oh. My. God. And the same response to standard advice every time. You’d think advising guys to watch for this was so horribly out of line.
The proportion of users in both groups is irrelevant. The point is that one group has more incentive to be a user, see?

9

I was a 23-yr-old with a 3-year-old. Unemployed guys LOVED me. I always made more money than the men. And I never got a dime from the ex. Seems I was the Usee…

10

WSLer, if you are comfortable with it, ask her for a drink (or cappuccino - doesn’t have to be alcohol). I think she was sending you signals - and has been for a while now. Go for it!

11

Yep, ask her out again.

Also, you noted that you almost said that drinking alone was a sign of alcoholism as part of your segue into inviting yourself over. Not good. Next time, just ask if she wants company. You don’t have to come up with reasons for why you should come over.

12

I think we’ll have to agree to disagree. To me, a single parent has more incentive to not be a user because it’s a piss-poor example to set for their child.

13

Agreeing to disagree is a very reasonable approach, one I am willing to take. But before I quit, I want to point out that everyone alive knows someone who is a bad example in some way, including people with kids. I tried make reference in my original post to my understanding that being a user is a very human thing to be, even if it’s bad. But I guess that got lost.