Last year, one of Agent Foxtrot’s friends was getting married, and Agent Foxtrot was a groomsman. I attended the wedding with him. It was held on one of those beach-front country clubs and all the apartments were rented out for the bridal party. When we arrived, Agent Foxtrot had to go get dressed with the rest of the male wedding party, so he told me to go wait with the bride and the female wedding party in their apartments. I didn’t really know the bride very well, and didn’t know anyone else at all, so I sat in a back room and chatted with the bride’s grandmother. Then one of the bridesmaids came in, gave me a stern look, and said, “Look, [Bride] is very emotional and she doesn’t need strangers around. So you’re going to have to leave.”
I left and went over to the groomsmen’s apartments to find Agent Foxtrot to ask him what I should do. He was very confused, and told me to go back to the women’s apartments. I went and sat outside on the patio until the bridesmaid found me there and said, “I thought I told you to leave. We don’t need you around making [Bride] nervous.”
I felt really hurt that there was nowhere for me to go. So I went and walked up and down the beach and sat on the dock until Agent Foxtrot came running after me, asking me why I wasn’t with the bridal party. I told him they didn’t want me there and that I had been shooed off twice. I know I wasn’t one of the bride’s friends or anything, but it’s not like they didn’t know I was coming, I was one of the groomsmen’s dates. I feel like a little more regard could have been shown, maybe tell me where I could stay until the wedding begins.
As far as I see, that bridesmaid was being obnoxiously rude and if she was truly relaying the bride’s intentions than she was equally wrong. You showed class by ignoring the rudeness and leaving with complaint.
Yikes! That is one rude bridesmaid! Here’s my take:
Your BF didn’t have the right to tell you to go wait with the bride and her party; it wasn’t his place to tell you where to hang out, and it was unfair to the bride to just send you over there. Yes, you were a guest at the wedding, but that doesn’t mean that you had no responsibility to take care of yourself and entertain yourself. If I had been you, I would have hung out at the bar or in the lobby or, more likely, I would not have come from home (or the hotel room) until it was time for the ceremony. If you chose to come early (as your BF had to do), then you should have entertained yourself, even if it just meant taking a walk or something. It is not, IMO, the bride’s responsibility (or anyone in the bridal party’s) to find you a place to sit if you decide to show up early, and your BF’s status as a groomsman doesn’t give him the authority to impose you upon the bride before her wedding.
That said, I think it was HUGELY rude for the bridesmaid to actually kick you out. If you were just sitting quietly, chatting with the grandmother, it should have been clear that you (a) were hanging around because you were a groomsman’s GF and didn’t have any place else to go, and (b) were not doing any harm. So I think you were wrong to impose, but your misstep was in ignorance, whereas she was flat-out rude to you, and can’t claim ignorance in her defense. But your BF was wrong as well to send you over there in the first place.
But I think she WAS doing harm - she was freaking out the bride. I have no idea why that would be, but I can totally appreciate that if I was totally keyed up, and I only wanted my close friends around to see me losing my blob, I would be bothered by some girlfriend of a groomsman hanging around.
Anyone of my girlfriends would have given said girl the boot with no qualms, whatsoever.
So while it was a shame that you were the girl in question, I can’t say that I blame the bridesmaid - she was looking out for her friend, the bride - obviously her loyalty had to lie with her and not you.
Secondly, it was inappropriate for Agent Foxtrot to send you over there in the first place. Really, you should have stayed behind at home or at the hotel where the other guests were - because that’s what you were - a guest, no a member of the bridal party, and as such you had no business being in the bridal party suites.
That being said, it’s a shame that your feelings were hurt. However, it’s a year later. A good deal of the responsiblity lies with you for showing up somewhere that you weren’t invited. I think I would just suck it up and move on.
Well, yeah, I’ve moved on. I was just thinking about this because of a recent Bridezilla thread, and all the arcane and complex rules over what is and what isn’t appropriate during a wedding. Sometimes it seems like if you wear a red kerchief in your lapel or something than you’ve broken some carved-in-stone rule and the bride’s justified in shooting you. So no, I’m not sitting around a year later sniffling over it. I just wasn’t sure if my hurt feelings were justified or if I couldn’t see the truth through my bias.
The country club didn’t have a hotel, exactly, just a bunch of apartments the bridal party was using. There wasn’t really anywhere for me to go other than in the apartments or on the beach. We had to drive to where the wedding was actually held. Trust me, if someone had shown me anywhere else to go other than the bridal apartments, I would’ve gone there. I just think it could’ve been planned better, so there would’ve been somewhere to stick me. Still my most unpleasant wedding experience and every time I subsequently met the bride, I always sort of associated her with feelings of not being welcome.
Until such time as you discover that the bride was actually the one who was behind the actions of the bridesmaid, I think you’re being unfair to associate her with the situation. I have been in a lot of situations (weddings, funerals, graduations, etc.) where some member of the party takes it upon himself or herself to play major domo without the principals having any knowledge of the event. (Heck, I’ve done it myself, although generally in the manner of finding someone a seat or a glass of water, not ordering supernumeraries out of the area.) If it turns out that the bride was constantly getting the vapors because there were actual humans within 30 yards of her train and she was directing her bridesmaid to get rid of the rabble, feel free to think of her as a twit. Until that time, I would generally figure that the bridesmaid was simply an officious wench and leave the bride out of your consideration of that particular event.
First off, let me point out that my previous post should have said “leaving without complaint” which I assume was obvious from the context.
Bridezilla anyone? I think some brides get way too much attitude that THIS IS MY SPECIAL DAY DAMMIT AND EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING WILL BE EXACTLY THE WAY I’VE BEEN IMAGINING IT SINCE I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD!
Lighten up. It’s a celebration. If a guest wanders into the wrong room this is no cause for telling them they’re freaking out the bride (face facts - in a situation like that the bride is freaking herself out and the bridesmaids are playing into the drama). At the very most, one of the bridesmaids should have approached Mississippienne and politely offered to escort her to some other place where she would have been more comfortable. I’m sure she would have gladly taken the hint and gone wherever she was led.
Agreeing with alice and tomndebb here. It’s entirely possible that the bridesmaid was looking out for the best interests of the bride, albeit rudely and overzealously. It probably wasn’t wise for your BF to send you over there without prior approval. At the same time you seemed to make yourself inconspicuous as possible so shame on the bridesmaid for being so tacky. Surely she could have found a more tactful way to send you away!
There’s no reason to assume that the bride herself was involved in the decision to treat you so rudely, though. Good bridesmaids and groomsmen see it as their duty to keep the day as stress-free as possible for their friend… which ends up with otherwise normal people acting like complete assholes.
I’d chalk it up to stress and nerves of the day and give them all a pass… but this is just another example of people going OTT over something that should be joyful and pleasant. Christ, people, it’s a wedding, calm the fuck down!
I call bridezilla (or bridesmaidzilla, as the case may be). Horribly rude. The OP was a guest and not bothering anyone. No, she may not have been an official member of the wedding party, but that doesn’t make her one of the rabble to be kicked out of the holy inner sanctum. She was the SO of one of the groomsmen, for cripes’ sake; she needed a place to be while they were getting ready, and she was being inobtrusive. She wasn’t even in the same room with Her Holiness the Bride.
Mr. S’s niece got married when we had been together for only about a month or so; he served as an usher, and I was invited. Bride and groom were very gracious and invited BOTH of us to go around bar-hopping with them andthe rest of the bridal party for a little while before the reception. Very classy and no skin off their nose.
I have to disagree - if you invite members of your wedding party with guests, isn’t it expected that the member and guest will be travelling together? If you expect your party to show up early for pictures or what not, you’ll need to entertain their guests, too.
I think the bridesmaid in question sounds like a world-class bitch. “*Freaking * out the bride?” Cut the drama, sister(the bitch in question, not the OP). Just how expansive must the buffer zone be between ordinary mortals and THE BRIDE on HER SPECIAL DAY? It’s been years since the last time I was a bridesmaid, but I don’t remember any of this ridiculous behavior. I can say with certainty though that regardless of my loyalty, devotion or sworn oath of dedication, I would never have dreamed of treating someone the way the OP was treated. Sorry, no excuse for that.
The whole concept of Wedding Entitlement has gotten out of control. I have never understood the need to turn a simple religious or civil union into a goddamned spectator sport. It disgusts me.
No matter the circumstances, that girl was a class A BITCH. Wow. People who are freaks over weddings get on my last nerve, seriously. Holy drama queens.
Well, here’s one old fart who thinks your significant other owes you one huge apology. And he needs some pretty serious training. I mean, what the hell was he thinking!? The words “bride” and “country club” are key here. Any bride who gets married in a country club is a self-absorbed harridan who needs nothing as much as to be left completely alone with her equally self-absorbed attendants. When your boyfriend suggested you spend time within 100 yards of the bride on the day of the wedding, he required the application of an iron skillet alongside his thick skull. He should have learned about brides when he was learning to scrape a stick with a pocket knife, pee his name in the snow/sand and throw a curveball. Does he not have a male role model to teach him these things?
Yes, I find the bridesmaid’s actions reprehensible, for the same reason that I cannot stand to watch a snake eat a mouse – it’s disgusting! But the snake cannot help itself, and neither can the bridesmaid. She is the animal she is, and while you – a composed, civilized human being with control over your emotions – are an advanced form of life, no one can fault the bridesmaid for being a bitch, any more than you can fault a dog for pissing on the carpet. In both cases, it is simply what they do.
I hope you remember your experience when it comes time for you to take the walk down the aisle. And send your boyfriend to Guy School right now!
I’m really surprised her BF, the groomsman, didn’t stand up for her. “Yeah well, I was cool with being an usher and all, but the girls in the wedding party just Bridezilla’d my GF. She’s all upset and I need to take her back to the hotel now. I’ll drop the tux off on our way out of town. Sorry…”
Yeah, why send her back to where she had already been offended? And even if the bridesmaid thought she was doing the right thing, there’s a way to say things. “I thought I told you to leave”?? :rolleyes:
No kidding. No matter what my faux pas, if someone treated my escort like that they could keep the shitty cheeseknife and find two fewer persons at the reception. I’d stand in the ceremony because not to would be equally rude, but we’d leave immediately afterwards. That bridesmaid sounds like a ill-bred classless bitch and I can’t imagine the bride being any better. Disgusting.
I disagree. If you’re confronted by dramatic rudeness it’s usually a poor idea to try to trump it with something more dramatic and rude. The best response is to accept it with quiet grace as Mississippienne did. And then post it online later so we can trash the bitch.