It was going downhill before this, but this is the point it went flying off the cliff and burst into flames. This is when you became, well, maybe asshole is too strong, but that guy, who makes me roll my eyes and want to say “STFU, Donny!” to. The guy who is trying to prove his superiority to a, well, pigeon. No one cares, least of all the pigeon.
Stranger
I wouldn’t say you’re an asshole, but this whole exchange sounds insufferable.
Getting into arguments on friend’s posts with randos is bad etiquette. Arguing with trolls is a waste of time. Being smug about having “Played chess with a pigeon” does not reflect well on your impression of what just happened.
Facebook is a disease, crap like this is why I left.
I would not say you were an asshole, but you probably publicly embarrassed a friend, IMO. There are better ways to make these sort of corrections, especially since it’s doubtful that your friend was aware that using that meme was offensive.
JR is just some internet tough guy who you’d have been better off ignoring.
Edited. Decided its better not to engage the troll.
When your username is an anagram of cornfield…
Really? I would say he played chess while you were playing checkers. He was a troll and not engaging you honestly and instead of recognizing that and moving on, you continued to argue. Of course you were right as far as the substantive argument went, but that is beside the point. It wasn’t the place to have the discussion, and he wasn’t honestly arguing with you anyway, he was just baiting you and you jumped in with two feet.
Never get in a FB argument. It might get read on a radio show.
Yes, and when it is all said and done, Facebook is a pretty shallow venue.
Them: “Look at me/this/whatI’mdoing!”
Me: Administers emoji suitable for the effect they are looking for.
Me: If more effect is desired, a comment designed to increase their feelings of being recognized and supported.
That’s pretty much Facebook. Criticism of any kind is not wanted, and ongoing arguments are truly anathema in a Facebook thread. I use Facebook to keep track of friends, and that’s it. I come here for meaningful thoughts, discussion, and intelligent commentary.
Man, my whole comment was repeating what the OP said in his own post, as if I came up with it on my own.
I must be working too hard, AND I have 7 more budget meetings today.
Enjoy the day, and ignore the confused poster.
I know the barebones basics of chess, but I haven’t played in decades. I’d be afraid of the pigeon kicking my ass.
As for the OP, NTA.
In the pigeon’s eyes, and likely the eyes of the other pigeons, it won. All it wanted to do was peck at pieces and poop. Mission accomplished.
In your eyes, you won. Totally owned that bird.
In the eyes of everyone else, you’re a dude at the park making things uncomfortable by yelling a bird on a chessboard and waiting for applause for how you beat a stupid bird at chess.
Calling out a friend for racism/bigotry on their own public-facing social media page instead of handling it privately was not NOT an asshole move. Ass was exposed, certainly.
ESH (everyone sucks here).
You could have posted “Just so you know, ‘gyp’ is a slur [because…]. You should probably change your wording in the future.” You could have even messaged them privately and asked them to change it. People don’t know it’s a slur - your tone was more accusatory than teaching.
The poster could have acknowledged it, like you hoped.
JR could have not gone down the “are you personally affected?” route.
It’s good to point out bigotry but you don’t have to come in hot.
IMO, just the tone of the initial response was a bit much.
Better ways to educate than coming right in with “I find this offensive…”. Just a “Hey, X, just FYI, gyp has derogatory connotations because of ABC” would have been better.
You basically gave a kinda hostile SDMB-type response to a FB friend.
And just as a side note - not all people historically called “gypsy” were Romani., and even within Romani communities there’s disagreement about correct nomenclature, so I’d be a bit careful with the absolute pronouncements about what is and isn’t offensive, in case your FB interlocutor pushes back with , say, links to the FAQ of an actual Gypsy/Romani/Traveller org that says different.
Agreed that publicly calling out a friend isn’t ideal. I also think that being a needy person that needs to win a debate outside of very specific contexts is pretty off putting.
I would say not an asshole, but probably didn’t do yourself any favors.
I would use the word “thoughtless”: both from the aspect of publicly shaming a friend, and for giving an opening to a troll and then actually engaging with it, dancing like a helpless puppet on their strings.
10 seconds’ reflection would have prevented both by suggesting you use a private message to discuss this with your friend.
Yes, you were the a hole. You weren’t going to educate JR and it wasn’t necessary to keep the argument going. You should have ignored it.
He kicked mine, but I’m vehement in claiming his victory was severely tainted. I KNOW I saw his beak touch the wrong piece, but no one noticed it.
I wouldn’t call you an asshole, but I would recognize that the first person to let it go and move on with their life in these types of arguments is the “winner”.
mmm