You clearly need help but your husband is also a dick.
> extremely patient and accommodating
> can’t spend 10 seconds washing hands after peeing to give wife peace of mind
She said that he did wash his hands for a long time. Perhaps I read more into what she wrote than was actually there, but it seemed to me he reverts to habit unthinkingly, rather than intentionally, and that somewhere along the way he started getting defensive about it. Not kind, but pretty standard reaction when faced with (what is perceived to be) constant nitpicking.
Then again, I assumed he may not know that this is impacting her emotional well-being, and after reading further, can’t imagine how he wouldn’t already know.
They’re not married but are planning to get married. Suggest she rethink this. He’s not likely to get more considerate of her wishes as time goes by.
I’ve been lurking and learning at this forum for months now, trying to despise if I really have the time to be actively engaged in another forum right now. I knew I’d be compelled to register sooner or later. And this thread was the proverbial straw.
To the OP: You’re not being rational at all. But that you knew. However, you also seem to be convinced that guys routinely piss on their hands. As a member of the penis-bearing sex, I can tell you with great confidence that it is EXTREMELY RARE to get urine on my hands, fingers, thumbs or any other body part whilst draining the main vein.
Your paranoia will destroy ya’. And it is also ruining your relationship, whether you want to believe it or not.
The problem with paranoia (which I’m not sure this is) and phobias (probably a better term) is that they AREN’T rational, and you can’t just shrug it off and say ‘Oops! My bad’ and be done with it. You feel how you feel, it’s how you learn to deal with those feelings that’s important.
And to the OP, I know you said you’ve been to 5 different therapists - but keep looking. You just haven’t found the person that you can trust yet, he or she is out there and you will find them so don’t give up.
. . .that’s what the spoon is for.
They’re both in need of serious treatment.
The one for his soap and water phobia, the other for everything else.
Additionally, they both need to examine this living together & going to get married but still virgins thing. It’s really fucking weird. And all of you think it’s weird too so don’t get all high and mighty on me for saying what you’re thinking anyway.
No. What I am thinking is this snide remark is not at all helpful. Yeah, Internet message board and all that. But if you cannot see that this young woman is suffering and doesn’t need this caustic and rude remark to deal with, I don’t know what to tell you.
I try not to judge morals and values that are not my own. If OP and fiancé have religious beliefs about premarital sex, more power to them for holding to their values. OP, would encourage you though to honestly examine if this is the only reason, or if there is another fear unrelated to values and more to do with how you view your own body and sexuality.
Bolding mine.
My ex wife use to use this exact wording on me all the freaking time. It used to infuriate me to no end because I saw it as nothing more than, manipulation to get her freak’n way.
Kind of like "If you loved me you would do THIS for me.’
Relationships are about give and take. My wife insists on hanging the toilet paper the opposite way that I would. So I let her hang it the way she likes it. She hates having a fan on when she sleeps, sometimes I get warm enough where I need it, so she doesn’t mind if I have to have it on. Sometimes we’ll have spaghetti when I’m really in the mood for a burger. Whatever, we just go with the flow. If something is a big ass deal for one partner, the other should go ahead and accomodate them. So your fiance should wash his hands after peeing, if only to make you happy.
That being said, I rarely wash after peeing myself. Urine doesn’t get on the hands when a male pees, and even if it did, it’s sterile. If you practice reasonable hygiene, the penis is not teeming in germs. So while you might be a bit over the top in your need to have him wash his hands, I don’t see why he shouldn’t accomodate you.
Don’t you get a rash?
I think they should have sex before they decide to get married. If she’s this disgusted by urine, dealing with semen is going to send her to Mars.
I didn’t mean that I wet myself, it’s that I rarely wash after peeing in the normal manner. Urinals are a different story, you often get a bit of splatter on your hands if the stream has a bit of pressure behind it.
I’ve been told that these sorts of observations are judgemental and unhelpful.
A straightforward request is not manipulation. It is a request. And yes, if you love her, you will do something simple for her just because she asks you. Since she’s your ex, I presume you didn’t and didn’t.
Pee is sterile when it comes out of the body, but does not remain so when it’s outside the body on surfaces. Otherwise the floor around the toilet when guys have bad aim wouldn’t start to smell. Menstrual blood is also sterile, but any woman knows that an odor will develop on a pad after a while.
And even if the penis is perfectly clean, the bathroom surfaces themselves may not be. Thus the practice in a hospital room or public bathroom of washing your hands, leaving the water running while you dry with a paper towel, and then turning off the faucet with the towel. This argument doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
Come on, they need help. Let’s not scare her off. One step at a time. She can get through this and there isn’t any reason they can’t have a long and happy marriage with kids, dogs, the picket fence, the whole nine yards.
While it’s true that puddles of urine don’t stay sterile long, that’s true only as long as they’re puddles, and it’s because they’re mostly water, in which bacteria love to live. The smell is entirely unrelated, and has to do with the urea breaking down into ammonia. Not thoroughly drying one’s hands after washing them spreads just as much if not more bacteria feeding water around as the miniscule amount of urine on one’s hands.
Menstrual fluid is not sterile. The vagina and cervix are lined with bacteria and yeasts, and opening of the cervix allows (mostly harmless) bacteria into the uterus and endometrium. Menstrual fluid may also be contaminated with viruses like HIV and hepatitis; it should be treated like blood as far as risk of contamination goes. The only thing that naturally comes out of a woman sterile (besides urine) is amniotic fluid and a baby, because they’re formed inside a sealed sac.
I thought it was a ladle.
I’m fine with a demitasse spoon.
I’m going to guess that use of despise is some kind of typo, perhaps an autocorrect error?