It’s the second one. I’m just frustrated because this happened too fast for me to really process it. Two things, though. I didn’t discuss this with anyone except Mr. Rilch, at least not directly, because what was there to discuss about something that hasn’t happened yet, and I have no context for? Indirectly, I asked Megan, my friend from Bible study, if she could recommend some Bible passages for someone facing a big change. She said she hoped it wasn’t anything bad. I said no, nothing bad, but major. She said, “Well, maybe it’s supposed to happen, whatever it is.” So that’s one thing: maybe this will put me in touch with people from the college, and something positive will come from that.
I did talk with Mr. Rilch, though not in depth, but the thing is, I don’t think I do have a good reason for not doing this. At least not one that’s not self-serving. “I like my privacy. I like keeping odd hours.”
Mr. Rilch sez: “Well, a few weeks ago, you were all ‘What if, what if?’ about not having kids. You also complain that when you were a teenager and in your twenties, you asked Older People a lot of questions. And now that you’re an Older Person, nobody asks you anything. Well, this gal’s gonna have a lot of questions!” He also points out that both our fathers would flip over this, were either of them still alive.
And the facilitator set my mind at ease about a few things. One, she won’t be allowed to drink alcohol (and of course, no illegal drugs) or have a sexual relationship while she’s here. And all students in the program know this, and are not prone to testing it out. So we don’t have to monitor her behavior and keep her In Line. As Susan, the friend who first hooked us up, said, “She wouldn’t be coming here if she weren’t known to be mature and responsible.” And she’s expected to contribute to household chores, as long as it doesn’t intrude on her academic time. IOW, not the arrogant Eurotrash my mind first went to! Of course, she won’t be able to drive…but again, perhaps driving her around will put me in the right place at the right time for something.
Make your choice, adventurous stranger
Strike the bell and bide the danger,
Or wonder, till it drives you mad
What would have followed if you had.
So I’m not asking how to get out of this. I’m asking how to be okay with it.