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If a person thinks you’re crazy for talking to your pet, that person is not a pet owner.
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If you see someone wearing a black top and you can actually see black on it, that person is not a pet owner.
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If you have to ring someone’s doorbell before they are alerted of your presence, that person is not a pet owner.
Got any more?
If you raise your arms as if to defend yourself when someone approaches with a dog on a leash, rather that preparing to bend over and offer your hand to be sniffed, you’re probably not a pet owner.
If a person thinks nothing of baby-talking to a stranger’s pet, right out in public, then that person is a pet owner.
If someone has never gotten out of bed and stepped in a squishy surprise in bare feet, that person is not a pet owner.
If someone doesn’t realize that a pet’s eating preferences can be harder to navigate than the pickiest eight-year old’s, that person is not a pet owner.
If a person allows their child to run up and pet a dog without asking first, they’re not a pet owner, and an irresponsible parent.
If a person just stands there and lets a dog jump up on them, they’re not a pet owner.
If a person does not have a lint roller in the bathroom, in the front hall, in their purse, and at work, they are not a pet owner.
If a person reaches into the pocket of a coat and does not draw out several plastic bags before finding his/her keys.
Hey you guys are all talking dogs and cats! I’m a pet owner, I just don’t own any walking hairballs. 
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If a person sees humor in putting up a “Beware of Attack Gecko” sign when said gecko is five inches on a good day and can just about menace crickets, that’s a pet owner.
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If a person buys a specific type of food over another, cheaper one, because “He likes it!” that’'s a pet owner.
Many of these are very dog/cat-centric. Our menagerie includes guinea pigs, gerbils, a beta and a tarantula, and this stuff simply does not apply. Now, the pigs will get fur all over us, but since they are in a hutch, we only hold them when we’re not wearing black/going out, whatever.
If you do not have to de-fur your feet, pants, blouse or jacket before leaving the house, you are not a owned by a cat.
If you do not have to de-fur your feet, pants, blouse, or jacket before leaving the house, you are not a dog owner.
If you do not have to de-feather your feet, pants, blouse or jacket before you leave the house you are not a bird owner.
If you kill your dandelions rather than pull off the leaves you are not a guinea pig owner.
If you don’t own a Python siphon (or some such item) then you are not a fish or turtle owner.
Sez you!
I live on the ground floor right by a dog park in the Castro. It’s a constant procession of giant gay men and their tiny, tiny dogs. It’s awesome.
Ha! Now that’s the kind of diversity I was looking for. 
If your dinner guest looks violently repulsed because, during dinner, you put your pug on your lap and give her tidbits off your plate, your guest is not a pet owner.
If you don’t eye random wandering insects wondering if they’re tasty you’re probably not a bearded dragon owner.
If you don’t like touching prickly things, you’re probably not a hedgehog owner.
If you habitually whistle (wheeet wheeet wheeet) whilst cutting up carrots, you might be a guinea pig owner.
If your 4 year old knows how to approach a strange dog and asks permission from the person first, you might be a dog owner.
If you’ve ever seen a toddler smack the nose of a wolfhound and immediately chided the child and apologized to the dog, YMBAPO.
If you’ve ever said “If that dog bites you I’m taking away your Playstation!” YMBAPO.
If you’ve ever explained burial and/or cremation to a small child with the words “they won’t fit down the toilet”, you might be an aquarium owner.
Ewww, I AM a pet owner and I’d be disgusted by that.
Ditto. I was thinking the same thing.
Yeah, me too. We do not do “begging at the table” here, a lesson our kitten is quickly learning!
Or does not allow said pets to roam the house unattended before the pets are house-trained.
Or that person owns a dog, who will get stuff out of the trash, bury his nose in the dog food bag, and find…shall we say, treats in the back yard.
Same. And funny enough they used pugs in the example since those are most often the FATTEST dogs I see. Poor things look like walking sausages cause ‘mamma’ thinks it’s cute to feed them people food.
Hairballs, dude. Hairballs.
Someone’s not a cat owner!
If you have ever set down a sandwich on the table, walked away for a few minutes, and come back to find your ham/bacon/turkey/whatever missing, you might be a pet owner.