Okay, now that we have the right date…how did it go with the attorney?
He basically told me what I suspected he would. He advised that I call a mortgage broker and my bank and see what kind of rates I can get on a refinance and tell them I want papers to get her off the deed. Basically, she gives up her rights to the property in exchange for being absolved from financial responsibility on the house. I hadn’t planned on trying to get back any of the equity I put in the home and he agreed that trying to make a claim against her could make things ugly and there wouldn’t be any guarantee that I would win the claim.
He seems confident that with the market in the state that it’s in the bank will be very amenable to letting me keep the house since I’ve established 4 years worth of good payments. I hope he’s right.
Once she’s off the deed, I can remove her from the home if she doesn’t make haste finding a new place. As far as the other indicidentals, I think we should be able to agree on most of them.
I did get her to agree to help me pay part of my tuition for school next month. She’s supposed to wrtite me a check this weekend. I guess I have her guilt on my side. She’s being awfully agreeable and I want to get all of this done as soon as possible before she takes a fit and changes her mind.
Thanks for the update. I hope you’ll be able to work the paperwork in a timely manner.
Sorry that the news wasn’t better.
And as always, we’re rooting for you. 
Well, I don’t see it as bad news either. I’m willing to take the loss on the money I invested in what I thought would be a long term relationship. The most important thing to me now is getting her out so I can move on and continue to stay sober. I can’t put dollar signs on that.
Thanks to all of you for your support. I truly appreciate it. 
Bitter?
Really?
I couldn’t tell.
Seriously, great job keeping your sobriety and good for you in getting rid of what, at least from the OP, seems to be a user and abuser. I’ve been there, in some ways I’m there now. Just the act of recognising a problem and seeking help tells me you are a better person than your ex, continuing to improve yourself confirms that. Having been in that fire I can tell you with all sincerety to stay sober and work on yourself first. Stay away from the other girls for a while, at least stay away from anyone who is potentially “more than friends” and get yourself together first.
You too Inigo.
Hell, that could be a big part of why I’m where I am now, I did not finish myself before I got involved with someone else. Not fair to anyone really.
Just stay strong, stay sober, stay single and stay sane.
'Bout all I got really.
What? Me bitter? Noooooooooooh.
Yeah, I’m just a tad sour over being used but it is what it is. Staying single is good advice. I need to get to know my sober self before I even think about introducing a new lover to her. Fortunately, I do fine single. I got that “need to be in a relationship” bug out of me years ago.
I hope you find some kind of peace in your own situation. Sometimes it’s easier to be alone than to wish you were.
I’m a bit confused. Why would you lose equity? All you’re doing is refinancing the existing amount, right, solely in your name?
We refinanced our house recently, to get a lower interest rate and drop the term from 30 to 20 years and to drop the PMI. The amount we refinanced is less than half what the house is worth, so we didn’t lose any equity.
I just meant all the money I poured into the house. I was the breadwinner for 4 years. I made 2.5 times as much as she did and everything we put into the house was on my dime. The lawyer said I could technically sue her for some of that now that she’s making as much as I am but it’s not worth it to me to get mired in that bullshit.
You know, a different way of looking at this would be:
You didn’t really lose any money. You just gave a free ride to someone who turned out not to deserve it. This makes you a good and worthwhile person. Maybe you got a few laughs along the way, or there were some good times that made it worthwhile. But the bottom line is that you have come out the winner.
Yes, but you’re keeping the house, right? So it’s not like you paid all the bills and *she’s * the one kicking you out.
Or are you talking furnishings and stuff?
I’m taking the house and most of the furniture since we agreed that I would keep what I brought to the relationship and she would keep what she brought. The things purchased together is going to take some serious negotiation. I think all in all, I’ll come out on top.
I’ve been footing the mortgage and equity loan for the majority of the time. As well as most of the other bills and home improvement projects. So, yeah, I get the house that I put the money into.
Missed the edit window.
I’ve been footing the mortgage and equity loan for the majority of the time. As well as most of the other bills and home improvement projects. So, yeah, I get the house that I put the money into.
I guess where the hit comes in is supporting her in general. Apparently I could push the issue and recoup some losses but I’m not going to. It would become a bloody battle that I’m not interested in engaging in. I didn’t even get into it with the lawyer on the hows and whys because it’s moot.
Oh and yeah, she knows better than to try to kick me out. That would be a battle I’d be willing to engage in.
Keep up the good work! If you liked the lawyer, you might think of that office as a resource when your next relationship gets serious. I like having all the arrangements spelled out, not in anticipation of a break up, but in case something happens to one partner and some family member gets ugly.
Has ayone mentioned changing the locks yet? Oh, and I have a friend whose ex crawled in through the dog door to take money, presumably while high, so make sure the house is really inaccessible even if things are amiable now.
Well right now she’s still in the house. There’s none of that crap of breaking each other’s things or stealing money. She’s currently looking for a place to live and once she’s gone I plan on changing all the locks. I don’t worry about her breaking in through a window really. She’s an asshole but not a criminal. She’s also a government employee and it’s just not her m.o. to do that. I also have a neighbor that keeps an eye on my house for me when I’m not there.
It sounds like you’re keeping things civil and civilized. Good luck!
And let us know when she’s out so we can throw a party!
I will do that! I can’t wait to have my house back. *I can finally keep it clean!
*She’s a slob of ridiculous proportions.