That’s interesting, Larry. I don’t quite understand the reasoning for offering things you have no intention of doing, but she has to have some reason for doing it. Maybe she wants to seem like a slightly different person than she actually is. Sometimes you just have to say screw it, I DO want the last drink of juice. It doesn’t make you a bad person.
One thing we’ve actually fixed in our house was the lack of acknowledgment when I told my husband something or asked him to do something. He heard, and he was just getting around to it, but because he didn’t say anything, I didn’t know if he heard. We have developed the “grunt of acknowledgement” - he doesn’t have to do anything more than make a sound to let me know he heard. Then I’m off on my merry way, and he can do whatever he wants in his own time, instead of my pestering him and him getting irritated because he heard me already.
“I’m ready to go!” followed by actually leaving the house 20 minutes later.
When my wife and I were first dating, I fell for this a couple of times, and ended up standing by the door in my coat while she finished doing her hair, putting on makeup, figuring out what she needed to take, changed clothes, changed clothes again, figured out which bag to carry, checked her makeup, etc., etc., etc. All of which will be continually punctuated by announcements that she’s just about to leave.
I’ve since gotten wise to it and now just get enough of my shit together that I can be ready to go at any moment, then go and do whatever I want while ignoring the constant stream of “I’m ready to go now!” until she actually says it while standing at the door. Recently when she was going out by herself, her mom and I started cracking up by the sixth time she announced “Ok, I’m going now, see you later!”
The other thing that bugs me is her insistence that things be done in order A-B-C, but she then jumps immediately to C before suddenly stopping and going back to do A and B. It has little effect on me, but our son is just 18 months old and doesn’t understand why Mommy always gives him a treat and then yanks it out of his hand again because she has to get a washcloth from the other room to wipe his face first.
My husband has a praise fetish. “Look, just look at what I’ve done!” when I get home four hours after him and he’s put away the dishes and made the bed. Yes, and when your hours get changed again, I’ll continue to do all of that and not expect praise for it. And by the way, it’s nice that you cleaned the deep-fryer, however I would probably notice your new-found cleaning jones more if you PICKED UP YOUR CLOTHES so that I don’t have to.
My bad - I correct his grammer. All the time. (I’m such a bitch.) But never in front of other people because that would just be mean and wrong.
He goes out in the morning to get the paper wearing my boots. This is in the winter only. Of course the boots don’t fit him. So he kind of half wears them. Therefore, when I need to leave my boots are often wet from melting snow. Jerk.
He won’t do thing exactly the way I want them all the time. Isn’t that the definition of compromise? Me getting my own way? My friend Shar gets treated like a princess. Why not me?
Won’t tell me anything about work so I might say something to someone I thought was pregnant because he didn’t tell me she had a miscarriage. That was embarrassing.
Every single day my dad brings my mom a cup of coffee on a little tray. I thought this was normal. It’s been almost 27 years and I’m still waiting for my cup of coffee. Except I don’t drink coffee, I drink tea. But he’s usually asleep.
Oh, that is kind of strange. I thought maybe she was offering food or something and then not wanting you to take any like a chocolate bar. If you ask the question - “then why did you offer if you didn’t mean it” - what does she say? Anyways it sounds like you have it under contol.
Oh, I forgot to say what is annoying about me. Well, what isn’t, really?
He’s watching a Cary Grant movie. And I do love Cary Grant. But I just said, "Is he trying to be like “Support Your Local Sherrif? Is he on his way to Austrailia? What in the world is Cary Grant doing in a Western, anyway?”
My husband laughed at me, again, and said, “This is set in South America and he runs an airline. But you are expressing your usual knowledge about what is going on in a movie.”
Yeah, I tend to make inane comments. Which you probably already know.
Yeah, that sounds awfully familiar, but its more of a dance routine:
SO: “you decide [where to eat]”
Me: “Okay, I choose X. Let’s go!”
SO: looks disappointed, says nothing.
Me: “Would you prefer to eat somewhere else?”
SO: “No, I’m fine. Really.”
Me: (silently) sigh.
Which doesn’t sound all that bad, except we get in a routine some days where we have this conversation every time we are engaged in a “mutual” decision. Seems to happen for a day or so, then she asserts herself, or becomes less intimidated, or… something.
MLS, this is funny. If the traits weren’t mixed up, I’d swear you were me. Also, we’re not late, because both our parents were always late, and neither of us can stand it. He does think things will take less time than I do, but he’s generally right about that.
This is my husband. Ok, his hearing isn’t that bad, but just about. We can both be in the kitchen with the dishwasher running and he won’t understand me. God forbid he get checked out. It’s not like bad hearing runs in his family or anything. And WHY won’t he use the serving utensils? WHY? He’s been known to eat directly out of the pot when going back for seconds. Eeeuuurg. It makes me insane. This has actually started fights. Thankfully, he’s stopped doing it to some extent, and I’ve learned to ignore it to some extent.
But fair’s fair, this is me. We’ve been going back and forth on getting a dog for years. It’s always me that brings it up, and it’s usually me who says, “Well…yeah, I guess it wouldn’t be a good idea now.” I do this with other plans, too. I’m not sure why. I just remember the discussion, remember not fully talking about it, and want to examine it again. I talk a lot, and most of my annoying traits center around that.
I used to do the hostile cleaning thing. I might have to stab him with a fork if he still did this. He came around when he realized how important it was to me, and when I realized that my standards were pretty high. My stance was always “If you made the mess, and it bothers me enough to distract me from enjoying my home, why don’t you clean it up? It’s not like I annoy you with a squirt gun to the face when you’re on the toilet, or something.” And to me, at least, a mess is like that. It chips away at my sanity. (Not to imply that you’re wrong in your situation, of course, just that’s the way ours goes.)
Oh yes, and toilet paper. He’s a behind-the-roll-er and I’m an over-the-top-er. Hostilities have been calmed and we just switch it around whenever it bothers us.
Downstairs is Jim’s bathroom with the toilet paper under; upstairs is my bathroom, with the toilet paper over (as god intended). We have separate toothpaste tubes, too (he’s an anal-retentive end-squeezer, and I’m a free-spirited middle-squeezer). It seemed pretty obvious to us that instead of fighting over these things, we’d just double them and to each their own.
The hearing thing? Mine has SELECTIVE hearing. I can be sitting in front of him discussing my day and he won’t hear a word. If I’m upstairs, in the third bedroom with the door shut, the computer on and a CD playing on the radio and mutter, “You asshole” he can hear me. :rolleyes:
Words are cheap, though. How long would it take you to say, “Thank you for putting away the dishes and making the bed” to him? It would probably make him much happier and more willing to do stuff around the house, for almost no effort on your part.
I really don’t understand people who aren’t willing to praise their spouse for doing something, even if it’s something they should rightly be expected to do. It’s not like we’re asking for a fancy fur coat or a romantic weekend somewhere or even a dozen roses or a thank-you note- we’re asking for a few seconds of your time and one or two breaths to say “thank you for doing that”. Just try praising him sometime- it takes very little time or effort for you, and you may find that he’s more willing to do other stuff around the house if you do.
My wife does a couple of things that drive me crazy.
First off she will carry on a conversation with me in her head. It will not become verbal until the third sentence of the paragraph, or maybe part way into the second paragraph.
Picture this. We are driving along in the car listening to the radio, no words have passed between us for maybe 5 minutes.
W: I think he looks good in that suit
Me: What?
W: I said he looks good in that suit
Me: What guy? What suit? What are you talking about?
The other thing she does is she will tap her foot in time to the music on the radio in the car. No problem except at stoplights. It cause a very subtle shake in the car, and makes me think the engine is misfiring. I freak every time. :smack: You can take the technician out of the shop, but you can’t take the shop out of the technician.
You don’t need to be a technician for that sort of thing to worry you. Mr. Neville taps his fingers on the door or plays with stuff in the bin under the hump between the front seats. Car paranoid that I am, I’ve got visions of the car being in the shop for a long time and expensive repair bills before I remember and ask him, “Is that you making that noise?” I’m an inveterate fidgeter myself, so I do sympathize.
He does a few things that annoy me. He “piles” things. I have given him a “dumping tray” in two rooms and still there is change, receipts, drill bits - stuff - everywhere! Every now and then I blow up and he cleans it up, but it starts all over again very soon. Also, he never completely finishes a project. 99% is good enough - then he’s off to do something else! I love that he’s so handy, but jeez!
My first husband did this. He paneled a room and 15 years later it still didn’t have the trim pieces. Current husband does the same thing. He started working on the front porch three years ago. The wallboard is up but it’s still waiting for the trim.
He also uses my debit card without telling me. But I used my first husband’s card without telling him, so I guess things evened out.
Most of the time, things are wonderful. But there’s this one little issue…
She’ll carry on a conversation loooooong after it has reached its conclusion. I finally called her on it a few nights ago. I had done something wrong (I forget what), and she had pointed it out at great length.
“You’re right. I shouldn’t have done that.”
“But…” another monologue about what I did.
“Is there something I need to do to fix it?”
“No, but you shouldn’t have…” another monologue about what I did.
“I was wrong and I absolutely won’t do it again.”
“Good, because you really shouldn’t…” yet another monologue about what I did.
“Look - I’ve apologized, I’ve said I won’t do it again, I’ve asked if you need solutions. WHY ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?”
sigh
(No, I didn’t say it in capital letters. I don’t yell very often.)
My fiance has a habit of trying to get my goat. He’ll bug and bug and bug until I either snap and lose it or redirect his attention. I’ve learned to redirect his attention much more effectively now, but it’s still really annoying and I don’t understand why he does it.
Example:
We’re in the car and a song comes on. He sings it poorly (on purpose). I ignore it for as long as I can (sometimes until the song ends), but he will continue until he gets a reaction.
Me: “Please stop hun, that’s annoying.”
Him: “Loooooving yooooouuu is easssy 'cause…”
Me: “PLEASE STOP”
Him: “…you’re beau-ti-fu-ulll…”
Me: “Derek, enough, I have a headache.”
Him: “Do do do do do do…AHHHHHHHH”
Me: “DEREK, SHUT THE HELL UP FFS!”
Him: “Geez, why do you have to get so mad?”
Drives me batty. I’ll be in an early grave for sure.
He’s the zit popper and I prefer to do mine myself. He wants me to do his and I kind of get grossed out by it. He INSISTS that he pops mine, even if they aren’t ready.
He get whinny if I don’t want to tickle his feet while we’re watching TV or tickle his back before we go to sleep (I read for a while and he goes right to sleep, it’s just tiring on the arm, especially if I’m reading a hard cover book).
Things I do:
I’ll ask him to pick me up downtown when I know he hates to be downtown during rush hour. We’ve recently come to a resolution about that though.
I often eat in bed!
Lastly:
I’ll swear I have told him something, even to the point where I can visualize the conversation, and he says I didn’t tell him. I don’t know if this is me or him, and I guess we’ll never know.
But, as I’m sure we’ll all agree, these annoyances about our spouses are also the things that make them endearing to us (somewhat).
Oh my gosh that’s me! The HDTV in the living room? “It was on sale for %75 off, I swear!”, The quad core processor for the PC? “They were practically giving them away like candy I tells you, like CANDY!”. It annoys her too.
Jeebus that’s her!
“What the hell do you mean there’s no difference? THERE ARE BLACK BARS, BLACK BARS!!!”
I think we didn’t speak to each other for a whole day on account of that.
We lay in bed and watch TV/read/play the guitar 'most every night.
When I fall asleep first, I say “goodnight honey”, roll over and fall asleep, all while she’s still watching TV/reading. (I’m the guitar player).
However, when she falls asleep first, I have to turn off the TV and be VERY QUIET when flipping pages 'cause she sleeps as soundly as a cokehead in the middle of a three-day bender.
