According to this story on Yahoo!, something called “Tropical Pie” won a prize for “Best Pizza” at a competition in Las Vegas. For those of you too justifiably timid to click on the link, this monstrosity has the top quarter of a pineapple (stalk and all) in the middle, has thinly-sliced limes dumped on it, and the whole atrocity was soaked with tequila before baking.
I’m glad somebody enjoyed making and eating this thing, but let’s not call it a pizza. In the spirit of the German Beer Purity law and the rules of Kosher, we need to lay down some new laws for what can be called pizza. I’ll get the ball rolling:
[ul]
[li]Pizza, by definition, needs three ingredients: Flatbread or dough crust, mozzarella cheese and tomato sauce, preferably containing oregano. If it’s missing any of these ingredients, it must have a qualifier appended to its name (i.e. French Bread pizza, White pizza, Sicilian Pizza, Roman Pizza).[/li]
[li]All ingredients of the pizza must be edible. Olives must be pitted, shrimp must be minus the heads, tails and shells. Fruit, if it must be on there, should be without skin, rind or seeds if these are deemed inedible.[/li][/ul]
I have to agree that thing doesn’t seem to qualify as pizza.
Though the main rule I used to have about pizza was what I called my Pizza Policy. Simply stated: If there’s still pizza, I’m still eating it. Back in my teens and twenties, I did not recognize ‘leftover pizza’ as a thing that could exist. Now that I’m older, I’ve had to give up this principle.
All pizza ingredients must be out in the open - those “crammed crust” or “sausages folded along the edge” or whatever things have their place, but should be suitably differentiated from proper pizza the same way calzone is.
According to Wikipedia, the rules already exist and are far stricter than what the OP suggests…
[QUOTE=Wikipedia]
According to the rules proposed by the Associazione Vera Pizza Napoletana, the genuine Neapolitan pizza dough consists of wheat flour (type 0 or 00, or a mixture of both), natural Neapolitan yeast or brewer’s yeast, salt and water. For proper results, strong flour with high protein content (as used for bread-making rather than cakes) must be used. The dough must be kneaded by hand or with a low-speed mixer. After the rising process, the dough must be formed by hand without the help of a rolling pin or other machine, and may be no more than 3 millimetres (0.12 in) thick. The pizza must be baked for 60–90 seconds in a 485 °C (905 °F) stone oven with an oak-wood fire. When cooked, it should be crispy, tender and fragrant. There are three official variants: pizza marinara, which is made with tomato, garlic, oregano and extra virgin olive oil, pizza Margherita, made with tomato, sliced mozzarella, basil and extra-virgin olive oil, and pizza Margherita extra made with tomato, mozzarella from Campania in fillets, basil and extra virgin olive oil.
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I’m okay with Romano or Feta in addition to Mozzarella, but not as a replacement for them.
As for pineapple–I’ll try things that are new and different before I deem them completely inappropriate. Hawaiian pizza’s been around for, what, 30 years now? It works for me in a way that chicken barbeque or duck and hoison sauce don’t. Wolfgang Puck should be deported and tried before the Hague.
For me, pizza is all about the crust. If it has qualifying crust it is pizza. If it doesn’t, you can cover it with pepperoni and pizza sauce and it still isn’t pizza.
I’ve had many wonderful pizzas that have no cheese or tomato sauce on them. I’ve had wonderful pizza with clams in their shells on them.
And whenever I have pizza delivered it comes with something in the middle that I’m not supposed to eat.
Pizza is a blank canvas - go nuts. I may not want to eat it, but I respect the right of the pizza maker to express himself. BBQ Chicken pizza? Delish. Pineapple and pepperoni? My favorite. The thing that should be banned is the party cut.
Gotta go with Silenus on this one. Generally I’m a purist who wants only cheese and pepperoni on my pie, but I have been blown away by alternative ingredients/prep methods. Chicken tikka masala pizza was worthy of Og himself, and smoked salmon with arugula was a gift to my palate.
The little plastic thingy that keeps the lid from touching the pie? I haven’t seen those in years! (I only ever saw them on Pizza Hut pies, and I haven’t bought one of those since the Reagan administration.) If your daughter or niece has a Barbie Dream House, those make for great patio tables for it.