ULLA!
But Mars Needs Women
“You must try 27145. You must. That’s your only chance.”
That thing on Trump’s head is really one of us.
Meesa Jar Jar. Weesa like you.
10… 9… 8…
:: Shakes fist at Meacham and Morris ::
An envelope of spores which float gently away as it’s opened.
<swipe right>
or
<swipe left>
depending on your views of aliens.
:mad:
will I never learn?!!
This notice is to inform you that your planet was declared 10.65k solar orbits ago as a protectorate under the Holy Ecclesiarchy of Hrnachtanna. (Praise be her multilegged all-hairyness.) According to our records, insufficient tribute (as assessed at the time of declaration) has been received by the Holy Order of Tax Collectors and Food Inspectors. Investigation into the cause of this state of affairs has found to rest solely with this office, and, we offer our Most Humble Apologies. The penitant parties have been reinjested into the Holy Body of the Life Giver, Hrnachtanna, whose brightness outshines the Cosmos. Be assured no fees or penalties will be assessed against your account.
A standard Missionary and Collection team will now be dispatched to your location to assist your re-enlightenment in the Wondrous Orders of Holy Hrnachtanna. Please have the reception committee prepare the Bishop’s quarters, as per paragraph 37b of the guide book provided to you at the time of the establishment of the protectorate. Transgressions will be dealt with fairly, but firmly.
Glory to the All High, Hrnachtanna!
Signed,
Tihgdirvie, Commissioner, Third Rank, Bureau of Colonization and Development, Department 15.
“Now then, now then, now then”
(Pedophile DJ Jimmy Saville’s catch[phrase. Sometines he really did look - and behave = as if he came from another planet.)
You want creepy? They send naked pictures of YOU, from some where you know there was no possibility of surveillance. Or video of the most embarrassing thing you ever did, from years ago before our message was sent.
Or pictures of my mother ----- being probed.
The Music of Erich Zann in Dolby 5.1. :eek:
“We’ll visit your planet in the future after your species is extinct and it’s once again habitable.”
One solution to the Fermi Paradox is that we’ve just been missing all of the alien transmissions because our tech isn’t good enough yet. But one day, we do manage to start listening in on the messages, and they’re not in English, of course. We have to work hard to translate them and we’re never 100% sure of our translations…
From The Ophiuchi Hotline by John Varley:
FOR (A PERIOD OF TIME: CONJECTURE: 400 EARTH YEARS?) DATA HAS BEEN SENT. NEW SUBSCRIBERS (43%) ARE GIVEN A (UNTRANSLATABLE) TO ADJUST. YOUR TIME PERIOD IS EXPIRED (TERMINATED?) (EXTENDED?). PLEASE REMIT THE (BALANCE DUE?) (REMAINDER?) OR FACE TERMINATION (45%) OF SERVICE. YOUR ACCOUNT (22%) WILL BE REFERRED (45%) TO A (UNTRANSLATABLE). SEND PAYMENT (30%) IN THE FORM OF (UNTRANSLATABLE) IN THE NEXT (PERIOD OF TIME: CONJECTURE: 10 EARTH YEARS?). CREDIT (58%) IS AVAILABLE TO (NEW?) (OLD?) STRUGGLING LIFE-FORMS. SEVERE PENALTIES, SEVERE PENALTIES, SEVERE PENALTIES (97%)
Along the lines of the end of Dan Simmons’ The Fall of Hyperion, “This channels is only for serious use. Your species’ use privileges are revoked until such time as you can prove that you understand this.” Followed by the shutdown of all radio transmitters created by man.
I dunno, I’d be pretty pumped to find out that aliens are into metal.
(Aliens obviously speaking to each other…maybe not even aware the mic is ‘hot’)
“What?..yeah…shit yeah, I can hit them from here. Oh it’ll blow the whole planet up. Hold on…BOB HOLD MY BEER…watch this”
Tibby, the link didn’t work for me, but that may be on my end. Please please please tell me it was a picture of a whale
“Long ago, we made sure earth had a food source that if eaten regularly, would provide health, long-life, the intelligence to seek and meet your interstellar neighbors, and the ability - if eaten regularly - to reach the stars.” “You called this universal sustenance: rats.” “You are not worthy of survival.”
The Sparrow, by Mary Doria Russel