That’s Title McTitleface to you, Mister! 
Ok. I like the idea of customizeable titles. Not interested in contests. 'Bye.
I like the idea of customizable titles. And i think it’s something any mod can do.
I’d probably opt for a simpler system. Any poster who meets certain criteria (been here for a while, posted at least so much in the past year… just something to prevent random socks from entering the queue) could go to a “request a title” thread and ask for one. Any mod who was bored and looking for a way to suck up to posters could start at the top and grant some titles, editing the request posts as they go so it’s clear where the current top of the queue is. Or better, have two threads, one for open requests and another for completed requests, and just move posts from one to the other as they get processed. Then it would always be easy to find the “top”. It would be the second post. (Right after the initial post explaining the point of the thread.)
No guarantees, and mods might reject certain requests. But i expect most requests would be uncontroversial.
I support the above suggestion. It sounds good to me.
Seems kinda pointless to me. But also nothing that has any great potential for harm. If the technology supports titles being opened up to random input by the user themselves, I hardly think a crisis would be unleased.
IMO the display of a custom title is not really any different than the display of a custom sig back in the vBulletin days. Which did not create any great problem with users creating offensive sigs. And if somebody did come up with an offensive title, the conventional channels of user reporting, mod noting, and warning would seem to be plenty sufficient to manage that threat. It certainly was as to vBulletin sigs. In fact, since sigs could be large, contain embedded formatting, and be multi-line, whereas titles are (probably) limited to a few unformatted words at most, IMO user-chosen titles have less potential for annoying abuse than did user-chosen sigs.
IMO the whole mod-managed approach, with or without contests is simply looking for a way to make something simple into something complicated.
Might be worth giving it a whirl just to see what happens.
Just my 2 cents and worth every penny y’all have paid me for them.
Regards.
Sorry, couldn’t resist. 
Have fun there in the Home! We’ll save a title for you!
But seriously, and I repeat myself, gaming is a way to slow the roll and create involvement without overburdening the mods. As I said myself “it could be as simple as forming an orderly que that the moderators handle on a non-binding timeframe between their other official acts” which ties in well with @puzzlegal’s suggestion, although I absolutely think their addition of some common-sense criterea to keep out the socks is an excellent idea.
Personally, my favorite title of all time comes from World of Warcraft:
But probably isn’t fair use, might be offensive, and probably too darn long. But darn it all, just look at the glory of it!
Oh, and since there’s not much competition, I want to reserve a preferred title: Raider of the Lost Snark.
Please and thank you.
With a matching username of Noah Snark.
I’m in general opposed to contests, because I think in most cases they can be gamed in ways that make the board worse. A certain number of posts in a month leads to low-quality posts. Popular links leads to click-bait. Bringing in new users leads to socks. Remember the old days with post-party threads where the entire point was for people to increase their post counts? Give people some target, and a lot of them will find a stupid way to reach it.
Maybe a contest could be designed that wouldn’t lead to bad behavior, but it’s not coming to me.
I’d prefer something like this - use meaningful metrics and a little bit of judgment to cut out people gaming the system.
Seriously, that would be so much fun. My username was picked for two reasons though - first, the idea of Parallel lines of thought, which so many of our threads tend to have.
The second was, following the first, a crack from Emo Philips about how in trying to apply Einstein’s theory that parallel lines would eventually meet, he ended up needing to dredge his car from the ocean. Which ALSO applies to some of our parallel lines of thought in many a thread.
(no, I’m not quoting the crack from E=MO^2 directly, it can’t be done justice in text, go listen to it!)
The proportion of Dopers who come in here tends to be rather small. I am definitely in favor of such, but until now haven’t bothered to chime in here with my support for said measure. Not so much for the contest thang tho.
Contests just create a class of winners (those with neat titles) and losers (those without). That’s just one more implicit jab at new posters and we’re already an insular community.
If it’s not burdensome to do custom titles, then do it in a dedicated thread like puzzlegal suggested.
Still absolutely nothing stopping posters from holding contests where the winner gets a particular title if you think that would be fun.
That’s an excellent point.
If we get permission, I would rather start a queue and just handle it that way. No need for a contest. I would Like @puzzlegal’s suggestion if we had that feature turned on.
Or perhaps a plebian user, e.g. @ParallelLines, could be deputized and granted just enough mod powers to edit titles for people? That’s probably not a real option, but who knows? Would save actual mods the effort and time.
I don’t think we have that possibility, but we could potentially just recruit one more Mod anyway.
That part is all up to Mr. Zotti of course.
That could be the custom title you give yourself on your first day on the job!
I would not object to that title either. 
I’m sick of “Guest,” which isn’t accurate. I was a Charter Member but couldn’t swing paying for it at some point, and then it was too late. If getting a custom title relies on a contest, though, I’m going to be stuck with Guest forever.
If it is possible to give ordinary users the ability to change their own titles, maybe turn that feature on April 1st and see how it goes?
If it seems more fun than troublesome, it becomes an on-going thing.
If it leads to trouble and (more than usual) stupidity, turn it back off on 4/2 and say “It was just an April Fools joke!”