I always thought that some possible defense for Ross was when (IIRC), at the bar, he called Rachel’s place, she answered…and he heard hunky guy’s voice in the background. (I think he was stopping by for some work-related thing.) Ross, his mind addled by stress, suprise, and no small amount of booze, jumped to the conclusion that Rachel was already enjoying the “break” by hopping into bed with some other guy. Thus, his “cheating” becomes more of an act of heartbreak and revenge rather than taking advantage of a change in relationship status. And with a hazy memory and the interpersonal communication skills typical of characters in a comedy, the only defense he could manage to make was a desperate “we were on a break!”, parroted like a mantra.
Plus, y’know, intelligent or not, Ross’ mind was never exactly operating at manufacturer’s specs, if you know what I mean. He always seemed to be just this side of ending up in a psych ward.
I can’t remember the episode all that well, but I do remember thinking Ross’s excuse, while perhaps technically valid, was lame.
The reasons for this are that they had just gone on a break. Many times couples have fights and “break up” only to realize a few hours later that things said in the heat of the moment were way too harsh and you don’t really want to break up. Plus, the fact that someone could so quickly fall into bed with another person just plain hurts.
Then again, I’ve never liked the “on a break” concept. It’s too ambiguous. Are you broken up or just taking time apart? What is permitted and what isn’t?
True. But people make agreements with each other about fidelity. And it’s reasonable to ask what those agreements mean.
Now, of course I’m not defending some sort of hypertechnical tactic. (“Yes, we agreed not to sleep with other people, and, yes, I had sex with her twice, but we never slept!”) But that’s not what happened here. Rachel’s hurt seems to revolve around the aidea that Ross cheated - and he simply didn’t.
You want to talk boorish and dense?
Rachel KNEW that Mark was interested in her. She knew Ross knew it as well, and the wise and kind thing to do would have been to go out of her way to ensure that Ross could see there was nothing going on. Yet on the very evening that she and Ross have broken up, she lets Mark in the apartment, armed with Chinese food. If she truly was interested in curing the relationship problems, it’s hard to imagine a worse step at a worse time.
Yes, Ross was acting boorishly as well. But I reject the idea the he was acting like a stalker, because a sine qua non of being a stalker is that your attentions are unwanted. Rachel sent mixed signals. She never laid down a clear and unambiguous set of expectations.
His defense was NOT lame. His behavior leading up to the main event was unquestionably lame. “We were on a break,” is an absolutely accurate statement.
Rachel could be a bitch at times - she may have been completely oblivious to Mark’s interest initially, but should have been more considerate of Ross’ concerns - ok - he was being insecure and perhaps should have trusted her more - but she could have done/said more to aleviate his fears.
The barrage of gifts and the barbershop quartet were way over the top - and yes, to quote Rachel, Ross was marking his territory, but if you ask me, Rachel never acknowledged Ross’ jealous feelings, instead dismissed them as ridiculous.
It was only later on, after they’d gotten some distance from the disasterous first attempt at a relationship, that they’d each grown enough to try again
Of note: when the 3rd to last (or 4th to last) episode of the series was rerun in syndication, a crucial scene was editted out:
After Rachel quits (is fired) from Ralph Lauren, and she and Ross run into Mark (and he offers her the Paris job) Ross makes a comment about Mark wanted to get with Rachel, Rachel states that Mark is now married and a daddy. That scene, rehashing the old conflict, was removed before syndication. My guess is because it would have detracted from the current conflict of “take a fabulous job” or “stay with the father of my child who it turns out I really do love”
I agree that it was accurate. I’m not convinced that it was kind, empathetic, or wise. It’s the lack of these traits that make me think it was lame.
And his earlier behavior was boorish, and his assumption that Mark’s voice implicated Rachel in cheating was boorish, and his taking refuge behind “It was on a break!” showed that he wasn’t willing to confront this.
You’ll remember the conversation Ross has with Isaac, with him saying, “Yeah, you dog!” and Ross saying how he doesn’t want to see Rachel hurt, and Isaac saying that he and Ross are just the same?
At the end of that conversation, Ross says to Isaac, “Fine. We’re the same. But please, please, don’t tell your sister.”
There’s a pause, and then Isaac deadpans: “Uh… I can promise not to tell her again.”
Then the scene shifts to the massage place where Phoebe works. Ross finds Jasmine and introduces himself, and Jasmine’s immediate reaction is: “You did a bad thing!” Ross castigates himself in complete agreement, explains he loves Rachel, and begs her not to reveal this information to Phoebe.
Jasimine reluctantly agrees, and then mentions: “But you should probably talk to my roommate, because I told him and he knows Phoebe too.”
The next shot is Ross rushing into Central Perk, where he sees Gunther wiping down the counter, and says, “Gunther! Gunther. Gunther, please tell me you didn’t say anything to Rachel about me and the girl from the Xerox place.”
Gunther blandly replies, “I’m sorry - was I not supposed to?”
Jasmine was played by one Cynthia Mann, who is probably best known for an extended guest run on “Veronica’s Closet” as Virginia.
what episode was all that in? i thought I’d seen every one several dozen times
all i remember is chandler, joey, ross in a bar - the phone call - ross waking up next to chloe - rachel coming over to patch things up - then
leave us not forget the letter - hand written - 18 pages - both sides - in which Rachel, still young and self centered, practically demanded that Ross take all the blame
Hard to say. I remember the episode from when it first aired. Third season, Feb or March 1997. Ross sleeps with Chloe in the aptly-named The One Where Ross and Rachel Take a Break, and the exposé happens in the next episode, The One The Morning After.
I know they chop things up in syndication, so perhaps that’s the problem.
But – given that you and your lover had JUST had a bitter argument in which her interaction with The Other Guy was a major issue for you – you wouldn’t have felt the slightest bit perturbed as you waited for her to explain the situation of having The Other Guy in her apartment late at night right after your fight?
We may have a different threshold for “lame,” I think. Rachel’s feeling of being cheated on is not objectively true, but very understandable – so I don’t think I’d call it “lame.”
throw in “extreme neediness” was is/was characteristic of Ross and you have an equation that guarantees that kind of action
Understandable? perhaps
Give him a pass? perhaps not. Forgive him after an appropriate amount of groveling? Probably
Not me. I do not forgive people their wrongs because they were drunk when they committed them, except POSSIBLY for the first time in their life that they got drunk. After that, they know what alcohol does, and if getting drunk is going to put them in a situation where they’ll do something wrong, they need to not get drunk.
Now, I do forgive people when they grovel. But “We were on a break!” does not equal grovelling.
I don’t know. When I’m plowed and upset, I generally don’t chart out a bullet point strategy for succesfully dealing with my heartache, YMMV. Let’s see, I’ve lost my more refined inhibition, I’m already a bit emotionally off-kilter (more so than usual), I just heard the dude that I know digs my recently ex-ed girlfriend in her apartment. You know what? I probably don’t have all the facts straight. I should give Rachel a chance to explain the situation (should I wait till the sheets dry before going over?), because after all, I don’t want to write off this relationship that she has apparently already written off. The heart is not a courtroom indeed.