I know two people who have had unfortunate accidents that resulted in the loss of vision in one eye. In both cases, the eye is still there, it’s just disfigured. One eye is just white, the other has no pupil.
I don’t understand why they don’t wear a patch.
I don’t want them to wear a patch so as not to offend the delicate sensitivities of others. I don’t care about that.
They should wear a patch, because it is cool.
You gotta figure there’s not much upside to losing vision in an eye, but getting to legitimately wear an eye patch is about as cool as it gets.
I know if I lost any eye I’d have a patch, just like Snake Plissken in Escape From New York, or a pirate.
Why would you not wear an eyepatch?
Do you wake up, and say, “Well, I could look really cool and sexy and dangerous, but I think I’ll just go for nerd?”
And here I thought this would be a thread about people who demanded to smoke on long flights or car trips.
But I have to disagree with you here, Scylla… as cool as an eyepatch is, any geek can get one. But having a completely white eye or no pupil whatsoever… that’s freaky and cool. And no one else can match it without undergoing serious permanent damage. Excellent.
What would be even cooler than an eyepatch would be a special-effects contact lens. Like a mirror, or a hologram. Something to really freak people out.
In the “making lemonade from lemons” category, I recall seeing awoman in a wheelchair here in New York—she was wearing the most gorgeous three-inch spike-heeled pumps. And I thought, “well, good for you, honey—at least they won’t wear out, or make your feet hurt!”
Hey that’d be cool, kinda like that guy from “The Last Action Hero” with the interchangeable glass eyes. I can imagine wearing one that says "use other eye <<< " or maybe “back in 20 minutes” .
It is better to have a funky eyepatch. People will inevitably ask you whether it is real, and you get to show them your brutalized eye. That is freaky and cool. They see the eye but never get a chance to become completely accustomd to it.
I want some of those special effects contacts so I can freak out some of my more disturbed clients. I just haven’t found a way to do it without the boss finding out.
Also, if I were in a wheelchair, I would wear 4 inch spiked heels, fishnet stockings and a diamond ankle bracelet. Since I’m not, I’ll stick to sensible, non-feet-hurting shoes, pantyhose, and zirc ankle chain.
Several years ago I saw a young woman wearing one of those halo-type contraptions they put on you when you’ve injured your spine or neck. (I want to say that she was walking rather than in a wheelchair, but that doesn’t seem to make sense. Perhaps she had an injury that did not affect her mobility but still required her neck to be immobilized in something more than a cervical collar.) It was a black metal framework that encased her head and shoulders, and it had four vertical antenna-looking things sticking up, above her head, at the four “corners.”
My immediate thought was that if I ever had to wear one of those, I’d mount colorful flags on those “antennae.” If people are going to stare at me, might as well give them something to look at. And show them that I have a sense of humor, however twisted.
Something like the student with severe CP at my alma mater who had a bumper sticker on the back of his wheelchair: “0 to 60 in 15 Minutes.”
I have a disabled wheelchair bound client who keeps his bus pass taped to the top of his helmet (he has severe head injuries). Being aware that he writes checks, uses a bank card, and carries a wallet, I asked him why he does it when he clearly doesn’t need to. His answer?
I encountered a panhandler in San Francisco who was missing an eye and didn’t wear a patch. I think he hoped his withered, gaping socket would get pity and cash… it just about grossed me totally out (we were on our way to dinner)
I read in a linguistics text once about a guy in Paris who had had neurological surgery but didn’t have enough money to have his skullcap reattached. So he used it as a begging bowl with his dura mater-clad brain exposed!!! He would let people press on his brain and make him see stars and pass out for an extra fee. Oy…
I have a friend who lost the sight in his left eye when he was little and he puts in this special contact lens which is invisible during the day but glows under ultraviolet light. Whenever we go clubbing he’s always the center of attention with this massive, glowing, radioactive looking eye.
And under the patch, you must get a little circular laser pointer. Then, during dull presentations (or when you really want to ogle someone) one quick flip of the patch and viola!
But seriously, folks, doesn’t it seem like the author was having the reader on? Wouldn’t reattaching the top of your head be, er, included in brain surgery?? I can’t imagine that it would be considered a premium service.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Panhandler, but it’s an extra $500 for us to put your skull back on. If you don’t have it, you’ll just have to walk around with your brain hanging out. We suggest you buy a hat.”
I had a room mate who had a glass eye (he actually lost it in a BB gun accident when he was younger) and he would mess around with people with it.
He’d take it out, put it on his finger and then put his arm around your shoulder–putting the eye on you – “Keeping an eye on you”
Or his favorite thing to do was to take it out in resturants and put it in his drink or mashed potatoes–then call the waitress over “Waitress, there’s something in my drink/potatoes” – they’ld look down and see an eye staring out of the spuds and jump or scream.
sometimes he’ld leave it in the bathroom on the shelf below the mirror–rather startling at 6am to see an eyeball staring back at you when your not quite awake yet.
Queen Victoria’s daughter, Princess Helena, married a German prince, Prince Christian of Schleswig Holstein. Christian and his brother in law, Prince Arthur, Duke of Connaught, were out hunting and the Duke accidentally shot Christian in the eye. For the rest of his life, Christian had a collection of glass eyes, including a bloodshot one for when he felt tired. Who says royalty isn’t fucking cool?
Or was, I suppose.
In the nineteenth century a few odd things like this happened. There are records of a man who had part of his internal organs, including his stomach visible, and other gruesome things left un-sewn up - I’m sure a search would find them (translated - I’m not willing to do the work - you can). They would assuredly keep them covered with some kind of dressing during the day. But given the higher rate of disfigurement of all kinds in those days, the result of ubiquitious disease, such monstrous oddities were tolerated.
I had to wear an eyepatch for awhile in high school (Got smacked in the eye by the stupid majorette who was not on her spot during our routine). My Mom bought me a dozen of the things and decorated them to match my clothes. I took to wearing poofy shirts andtight pants. I was The Dread Pirate Theresa, stalking the halls of El Dorado High.
Thank you Matt. Due to your the highly comedic post I am suffering from a mild burning sensation caused by my coca-cola going through my nose. Carry on.
