Wedding advice sought fom non-bridezillas!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I got married little over a year ago, and we felt that we had our perfect wedding. Not –the- perfect wedding, but –our- perfect wedding. At every step, we asked ourselves, “Does it matter?” Sometimes it did, and sometimes it didn’t. Just because its tradition doesn’t mean you have to do it.

DJ or band? – Nope. We’re not really dancers, so there was no point.
Garter and bouquet toss? – Nope, no one to toss it to.
Cake? – Oh yeah, nice spice cake with Bavarian cream and rolled fondant. Yummy.
Where does everyone stand? – As long as the groom was next to me, I didn’t care.

We had a lovely wedding at an old mansion-turned-restaurant. Had the reception in the next room. The guests were given a menu for dinner (it was limited to 4 entrees for us) so we didn’t have to decide for them.

I had a couple friends offer to do my hair and makeup, but I decided that I didn’t want that pressure. I would hate for something to go wrong and for me to have hard feelings towards someone so close to me. Another friend offered to do the flowers and I took her up on that. Before accepting any help from friends or family, think about it going horribly wrong; would it make things bad for you? If the flowers didn’t show up, I could deal with that, but I –really- wanted to look good for my new husband. If it was important to me, I wanted a business relationship to deal with any problems that arise and the friends to back me up emotionally.

When you find a vendor that you like dealing with, ask them who they would recommend for the other parts of your wedding. When you’re in the wedding business it doesn’t take long to find out who is good and who does crap. But as a bride, you may have only seen a couple weddings here or there. We really liked our photographer’s style, and she recommended a great place to get our cake (did I mention how good it was?). We asked the restaurant if they could recommend a limo rental place and it turned out that they owned a 1930’s Rolls Royce that was –perfect-.

Remember, it’s YOUR wedding, you and your soon-to-be husband. Take what’s important to you and ditch the rest. If making your Aunt Tilly happy is important to you, then go ahead and put her daughter in the wedding party. If you don’t feel it’s necessary for all your guests to go home with a commemorative book of matches, screw it. Also, keep asking your sweetie what’s important to him. It’s about the two of you coming together. If you keep that in mind, you should do ok.

Oh, and get lots of those little bottles of wine and spirits they serve on airplanes. Put them in your purse, clothing bag, garter belt, wherever. Once the nerves hit, you’ll be glad you did. :smiley:

22

Great advice so far. Good planning and good communication are key. It’s easy to say, “don’t stress” but it’s a stressful thing - planning a huge dinner and basically a movie including script, lighting, set design and decoration, soundtrack, costuming and makeup. Better to stress lightly over a year then stress a whole lot the day of because you didn’t plan well.

Frankly, I’d be happy never to see another Jordan Almond wrapped in nylon netting. Or matchbook with dates. Or nasty-smelling hand soaps or whatever the latest “gift” crap is this year. Not only do I not need yet another cheap thing cluttering up my already cluttered purse or apartment, but I don’t think I’d even realize it if these things weren’t there. As a guest, I consider your gift to me an experience, a (hopefully edible) meal, entertainment and cake. I don’t need a 25cent matchbook. Thanks. (The exception to this is bubbles, because I’m such a goofball. I love bubbles, and I can use the bubbles to blow on the dancefloor and annoy the other guests, so I don’t have to take the stupid bubbles home. YMMV)

Keep your bridesmaids’ costs in mind. Chances are they don’t have anyone helping them pay, and they won’t be getting lots of expensive gifts to offset the costs. Don’t pressure your bridesmaids into getting manicures and pedicures unless it’s really, really important to you. In which case, consider paying for it as your gift to them. It sounds silly, but I just spent $150 on a dress, $65 on shoes, $50 on jewelery, $40 on makeup (I don’t wear makeup in real life, so I had to buy a whole set for the rehearsal dinner and wedding), $75 on a hotel room, not to mention gifts and a tux for my kid, and now the bride wants me to drop another $70 on nails because it’ll be “fun to do together.” Well, yes. But I have no more money. I had to tell her I couldn’t do it, and I felt really bad. (She looked in the wedding coffers and offered to pay for my manicure. My feet will be covered, and while a ped would be nice, so would buying gorceries next week.)

23

This should be your mantra for the next however-many months:

As long as we’re married by the end of the day, it’s a successful wedding.

Note: for some families, you may have to add one or more of the following before the comma:
[ul]
[li]and everyone is still speaking to each other[/li][li]and no one went to jail[/li][li]etc.[/li][/ul]

Realistically, no one but you and maybe your mom or irishfella will remember the centerpieces, or that your guestbook was or wasn’t exactly how you wanted it. Your guests are there to see the two of you get married and to have some fun while they’re at it; if you do what you can to see that most people have a good time, you’ll probably have a good time, too.

Oh, and it’s waaaay better to be stressed to the max a month before than to be that stressed the week/day of. I wish I’d learned that before my wedding, because I’d have enjoyed it a lot more.

24

One thing I’d like to stress about buying your gown from a bridal shop. You should REALLY check out your chosen bridal shop concerning how many years they’ve been in business, their reputation in the community, satisfied customers, etc. I’ve read of about 3 bridal shops that have suddenly closed, leaving women who’ve paid hundreds of dollars for their gowns, out in the cold.

25

I think you mean this, and I love that you do. So…
A very simple thing will keep all your friends and family happier than you can imagine - no attendants. Have your friends, dressed nicely however they like, play a song or read a poem or just participate in general. You will be able to dress yourself, or require a little help from your mom, and there will be no need to take four of his pals and four of yours and figure out who looks good together and them stick them in an expensive uniform that will have a second life as a costume if they’re lucky. Want to show them you appreciate their friendship? Don’t make them go broke.
Wear flowers rather than carry them. A bouquet’s purpose would be what, exactly? Make a rose crown or garland instead. Think of how lovely leis look, and simple as well.
To that end, don’t bother with the wildly expensive dress. Wear what flatters you; is it a suit? A pantsuit even? White has no basis in anything important, so go w/ what flatters you there as well.
Be prepared for people to be baffled at why you don’t want the expensive and baseless trappings; they’re brainwashed to consume and that’s where value lies for them. And lastly, it’s not ‘my day’, it’s ‘our day’.

26

Personally I feel that a 100 member boys choir adds a touch of class to a wedding ceremony.
Oh and you may think 200 doves is excessive but trust me, you’ll want at least 500.

27

“OH NO! Look out every body, it’s Bridezilla! She’s attacking our city in search of 5000 yards of ivory tulle and the exact same pearls Diana wore!!”

“Maybe these hand-embossed 25 piece wedding invitations wrapped in gold leaf and tied with the braided hairs of little minks will satisfy her!”

Voiceover - "Little did they know all their attempts would be fruitless, because nothing will ever be enough to satisfy the power mad selfishness of -

                 BRIDEZILLA!!"
28

Thanks guys!
I knew you’d all be much more sensible than those scary women!

I wasn’t terribly informative, so I should say that a lot of stuff has been organised already.

There will be about 100 guest at the ceremony and dinner, with about another 60 in the evening. My folks are paying for everything, pretty much (I’m a poor student) and it’s going to be fairly traditional, simply because I’m not fixing what isn’t broken.

My two sisters are the bridesmaids, a dressmaker is making my dress, their dresses and my mum’s outfit, she’s fabulous, and totally put me at ease. The girls decided on their outfits together, with very little input from me, there will be no scary butt-bows!

The ceremony is going to be at my parents’ church, so I know and like the minister.

We’ve booked a nice venue for the reception, and they have their own catering, so that’s another thing not to worry about.

My mum is making the cake, with help from a couple of her friends who made the cakes for their children’s weddings.

I think we’re making the invitations, so as to have more money towards food and drink for the evening guests.

We’re not having a video made, as neither irishfella or I think we’d watch it.

I know that a lot of American weddings have open bars, but an open bar at an Irish wedding would bankrupt the hosts, so there will be a cash bar, with only the welcome drinks and toasts provided free.

Hope that gives you more of an idea, I really appreciate your comments guys, it confirms that it’s me who is normal, and the bridezillas who are crazy!

29

Why?

30

Because the gown has to go over your head, and they don’t want makeup stains on a white satin dress you’re not going to buy.

31

Just try to have fun and not worry about anybody else. Oh and at the reception remember to eat. You get dragged around for photos and dances and little heart to hearts that you hardly get a chance to eat. Maybe tell your sisters to make sure you get to eat.
What are the traditional Irish things at a wedding and reception. Are there any traditional dances? Do you do the Chicken Dance? Do you throw the bouquet and garter?

32

We’ll be throwing the bouquet, but not a garter (because I don’t really like that custom).

Irish weddings are very similar to US ones, but there are a few differences.

The one you’d notice most is that we don’t have showers.
The wedding cake is a heavy fruit cake, like Xmas cake.
Receptions start immediately after the ceremony, and last into the early hours of the morning, something I get the impression is not usual in the US.
Our wedding will be black tie, but that’s not usual.

I won’t see irishfella the day before and the day of the wedding, until I see him at the altar, for luck.
The first person to offer their best wishes to the bride should be a man, again, for luck.

The only really Irish touches will be during the ceremony, as we’ve chosen an Irish hymn “Be thou my vision”, and one of the prayers will be St Patrick’s Breastplate.

33

You mean you don’t like the idea of your husband running his hand up your skirt in front of your family, pulling off part of your underwear, and throwing it into a crowd of his friends? I simply can’t imagine. :wink: We didn’t do either toss, partly because I don’t care for the idea of the garter toss, partly because we have no unmarried friends who would want to take part.

34
  1. Elope
  2. Elope
  3. Elope

Ok, with that out of the way, I see you’re going to insist on having a wedding :slight_smile:
Looks to me as if you’ve got everything under control, though. I’m sure your wedding will be beautiful. (I do think you should rethink the video idea, though.)

On behalf of all bridesmaids and former bridesmaids, thank you for avoiding the butt bow :slight_smile:

35

Ah! You sound like you have things nicely under control. Ok, then, now we can get onto practical advice:

  1. At least a week before the wedding, wear your shoes around the house to get used to them. If you’re not used to wearing the style of shoes (ie, heels, straps, etc.) then make it two weeks.

  2. Practice your hair and your makeup a week before the wedding. DON’T get your hair cut later than a week before. You’ll undoubtedly hate it. Give it some time to grow out into a nice shape, but not so long that it’s scraggly.

  3. Stockpile some bobby pins, safety pins and three extra pairs of nylons. Yes, three. Even if you don’t need them all, someone else is likely to.

  4. Since it’s black-tie, get a few pair of black men’s dress socks. Either the groom or his groomsmen WILL forget, and will try to wear white athletic socks with black pants and black dress shoes.

  5. If you’re wearing feet-killing shoes, consider having a pair of slippers or comfy shoes for later in the evening. By that time, enough Guiness will have flowed that no one will care if your dress is slightly long because you don’t have heels on anymore.

  6. When you get up to the altar, stop. Just…stop. Look into your sweetie’s eyes and just give it a minute. Remember why you’re there. It’s all about the two of you. The rest of this is just a show for the masses. Once you’ve connected, *then * turn to the minister and let him begin. This may be the only part of the ceremony you remember.

Another vote for re-thinking the video. I literally remember nothing of my wedding ceremony itself, although I know lots of wonderful people said lots of wonderful things. (We didn’t choose what our friends read or said, they came up with their own contributions.) I do wish I had a video so I could hear all the wisdom and see it for myself.

36

And by that same token, no one will care if you have linked wedding rings on the personalized matchbooks or doves and ribbons.
And no one will remember that you served garden salads rather than caesar salads at the reception.
Don’t let the little details make you crazy.

37

No advice, just want to say congrats to irishgirl. Best damn hugger I’ve ever met.

38

:smack:

As someone who wears both make-up and white garments on a very regular basis, I really think I should have ascertained this from the get-go.

39

My suggestion is to wear low-heeled shoes or flats during the ceremony, too, depending on how long it’s going to be. And do break them in first.

Robin

40

For my last marriage I was married at the local courthouse with only family and a few friends in attendance. This was in the late morning, the wedding party then went out for lunch.

For the reception I booked out a restaurant, that night. People who were invited were told to bring whoever they liked and to invite other people if they wanted to because we didn’t want gifts we just wanted people to pay for their own meals. This meant we ended up with a reception with hundreds of people that cost us nothing. Friends invited people we hadn’t seen for years and it turned into a pretty wild night.