I have to admit that I got a LOT better about RSVP’ing after I had my own wedding and experienced the frustration of people not doing it. (Before, I would RSVP if I thought of it, sometimes after the date on the card. Now it goes out a day or two after I get the invite unless I have to finagle plane flights or something, and then as soon as I know definite plans.) I just didn’t think about it!
I did find that emailing people was pretty effective in getting answers – even people who find it hard to mail an envelope or return a phone call find it fairly easy to click on the “reply” button. I think there were only about five people (out of 30 or so who didn’t send in the card) who didn’t reply to the followup email.
Then I sent (as others have mentioned) a second email to those five people that basically said “Well, I’m assuming you’re not coming, sorry to miss you, hope to see you soon!” One person responded and said she was still not sure. None of them came.
Would it help to add on a line about asking for a reply and that you’re not offended if the invitee says no?
In my early 20’s I got wedding invitations all the time, usually from coworkers or very distant family members who were in their marrying and babymaking years. I thought they were the begging for gifts mailings, so I usually ignored them
Thanks for all the responses. Fortunately, I only have a few people to contact. The one who won’t respond at all is frustrating because it’s someone I thought for sure would attend (unlike my cousin in New Jersey who has 3 little kids) so perhaps he thinks I’ll be upset that he’s not attending–who knows!
I like raspberry hunter’s suggestion for a follow up e-mail–if he still can’t be bothered to respond, I definitely have my answer…
Jennmonkye–the wedding with 57 people who didn’t show? That’s just horrible. :eek:
Ok, I’m an asshole, I admit it. I’m far to blunt and honest for my own good. If it were I, as groom, getting married and I was receiving this kind of response (my own wedding was a total of 5 people including us), my fiance would probably have to threaten not to marry me in order to get me to NOT send out the following;
1> If you don’t RSVP, then don’t show up, because we won’t let you in no matter who you think you are.
2> If you RSVP and no-show, then count yourselves out of our life, because I will never speak to you again. No matter who you think you are.
3> This applies to everyone, immediate family included.
I hade an ex friend (friendship didn’t endon a good note, haven’t spoken to in over 5 years) send an invitation. I never replied because i just didn’t give a rats-ass.
If it was family member, most likely i’ll answer (even if it’s a no).
I think that’s how it would play out too. People would think it was a guilt trip and show up last minute.
Our wedding was small. We still had a couple stragglers when it came to RSVP time, but my wife’s best gal took a hard line approach so we got a 100% response rate. She called everyone one week before the RSVP due date and said that the venue was very exclusive and anyone not on the RSVP list would not be allowed entry.
The problem with that is that we had a 100% response rate, but then a couple of no-shows. But they were people that we were sort of expecting to be no-shows anyway.
I sympathize with the problems people describe, but I think there’s a deeper problem - weddings are way overproduced. Too much pomp and circumstance. Hell, even the invitations are expensive. The cultural tradition of the “big wedding” is the root of the issue.
Generally speaking, I will RSVP. I made an exception this year, though. I got a wedding invitation from a classmate whom I hadn’t seen since high school. He had my information because I’d submitted address information for a high school reunion - which I attended and he did not. I never liked the guy and don’t know what the fuck he was thinking, sending me an invitation, so I just trashed it.
Yeah, and just because you expect me to have decent table manners, it doesn’t mean I am obligated to eat with a knife and fork when I can just throw salad down my gob with my bare hands!
Are you serious? Hell, I would expect someone to RSVP for a dinner party at my house for which I am doing the cooking, let alone a wedding. How hard is it to drop an e-mail or a 2-minute phone call, let alone stick a preaddressed, pre-stamped card in the mail?
Given how much each guest cost us, and that we could only afford 60 guests (and had a lot more than that on our ideal guest list), those that didn’t reply lost their place to someone else. There were a couple of people who answered at the last minute, and we told them we couldn’t accomodate them - we simply didn’t have the money to go above 60 guests.
Considering that wedding reply cards have a check box to say you’re not attending, and that they usually have a stamped envelope for the card, I find it hard to see why someone would not bother returning it. You can’t take 30 seconds to mark and x and put the card in the envelope for mailing?
It’s known as “courtesy” and “consideration for others.” These are good concepts.
I can understand people forgetting, or not understanding what “RSVP” means (though the card and envelope should clue in people that a reply is expected). I can’t understand deliberately not replying just because you’re philosophically opposed.
Would you also send out $20 filigreed slips of paper with lace envelopes for that dinner party? Or would you, I don’t know, just call them on the phone and ask them if they want to come? If the latter, than of course you’re going to get an answer. If the former, you’re overdoing it.
No one’s arguing that it’s more than a minimal effort. But it’s an entirely unnecessary minimal effort that we could easily dispense with as a culture.
In my case, if the guy was demonstrating consideration for others, he wouldn’t have sent me the invitation in the first place. Even if one assumed he was trying to re-establish contact, the way to do that is to drop me a line on Facebook, not have the first fucking communication we’ve had in twelve years be his wedding invitation.
Ok, that guy was a jerk, but exactly how do we dispense with “answer yes or no” for catered events and avoid “lost in the mail”/“what do you mean you didn’t get invited - omg I just found a stack of invites” situations and get a full list of info needed to your invitees at the same time? I had out-of-towners who I also had to send a list of area hotels, I had aunts and uncles and grandparent not on the net and who liked to put their invites up on the fridge or something as a reminder, and so on.