Two friends of mine are getting married (to each other) this summer and I’m planning to attend the wedding. I just had a few questions I started pondering over guest etiquette when it comes to what to wear.
Some points about the upcoming wedding:
It’s being held at the bride’s parents’ house, in the garden. From what I know her family is quite well off and they have a lovely place. I think it’s being held in the late afternoon.
There will be no religious ceremony. The couple will be married by their mothers.
The bride will be wearing yellow, and the groom will be wearing dark brown. The whole color theme of the wedding is green/yellow/brown.
Is it okay to wear the same dress that I wore to another (mutual) friend’s wedding? Last summer another friend of ours got married (we were all in the same MA program) and my boyfriend bought me this nice dress that I rarely have any occasion to wear. It’s not that I can’t afford to buy another dress, but I love that dress and I almost never have a chance to wear it. (Does it look too low cut for a wedding?)
I know you’re not supposed to wear white as it will upstage the bride. What if the bride is wearing another color? Should the guests avoid wearing yellow instead of white? (I’m not going to wear either color, just wondering what other people thought.)
What’s the rule on baring your shoulders? As you can see in the picture I wore a shawl because we were attending a church wedding, but this other wedding is outside, and it’s going to be in June in Texas, and I imagine it’s going to be hot. I’d rather not have to wear any more than is absolutely necessary.
Some of these questions might sound silly, but I’ve never been to a Western wedding before as a grownup (except last summer, that was in the UK and I don’t think it was quite conventional for reasons too long to go into here).
Don’t wear white, because even if the bride does not wear white, people may think you are trying to look like a bride at someone else’s wedding which is pretty much the lamest thing ever. If it was me, I would avoid wearing the same color as the bride. However, I wouldn’t think it strange if another guest wears an entirely different shade of yellow, or a dress than includes yellow. “yellow” is a much larger range of colors than “white.”
Baring your shoulders is fine except where it would contradict the religious preference of the wedding location. That doesn’t seem to be a problem, unless you know that despite the non-church wedding, the bride is religiously conservative. Strapless and bare-shouldered bridesmaid’s dresses are very popular, maybe even the “default” bridesmaid’s dress for summer weddings.
Yes, it’s okay to wear the same dress. Some women are loath to be seen in the same dress ever again, but that’s not because it violates some sort of etiquette rule. It’s not too low cut. It’s a lovely dress. Enjoy it.
It’s just best not to wear white to a wedding. Even if the bride IS wearing another color, people at weddings see a white dress and think “bride,” and while I suppose that doesn’t really matter…well, you just avoid all sorts of awkwardness if you don’t wear white.
June in Texas? In the afternoon? Ditch the shawl. It’s not in good taste to wears something too revealing to a wedding, but that dress is not revealing. Bare shoulders don’t count as “revealing” for ordinary American weddings.
If the wedding will go into the evening, though, it might be worth checking to see if it gets a lot cooler in the evenings there. If so, bring the shawl, but you certainly don’t have to wear it unless you get cold.
The dress is great. Perfect for a garden wedding and chances are no one will remember what you wore last summer anyway.
I don’t think the “avoid the bride’s color” rule applies quite as strictly when the bride wears a non-traditional color. I’d probably avoid wearing a bright yellow dress if I knew that’s what the bride was wearing, but how would the entire guest list know that? I’d guess this couple probably isn’t too worried about it though.
Ditto. One thing you might want to think about for a June wedding in Texas is that you might need a light shawl for sun protection - you don’t want lobstered shoulders, even with the sunscreen.
In June? Probably not. Not impossible, but highly unlikely unless you’re an extremely cold-natured person (like my gf; she’d wear a parka in the Sahara :))
The dress is lovely and you look lovely in it; it’s completely appropriate for a summer afternoon wedding, and trust me–in June here in Texas you’re not going to need the shawl. And every girl loves a good reason to wear a great dress again!
If the wedding is before 5 o’clock, I do recommend sunblock for your face/shoulders as others recommended.
The thing about weddings here (I live in Texas and so can’t speak for other states) is that you’ll see people wearing absolutely everything on both ends of the spectrum. Men in suits, men in khakis, and probably a couple in shorts. You’ll see women in “church dresses,” women wearing something sparkly, and women wearing casual slacks and a T-shirt.
So I wear whatever I feel is appropriate, knowing that my idea of appropriate is always going to fall somewhere in the middle of a very broad spectrum.
As far as white dresses go…I wouldn’t wear an all-white dress, but if I found a pretty white dress with a pattern on it, or some contrasting color details, I wouldn’t worry about wearing it to a wedding. It used to be a rule that you couldn’t wear black to a wedding, because of its funeral associations, but I see women in black cocktail dresses all the time at evening weddings, so I guess that rule expired…? (I’m 31, so I can’t speak to “back in the day.” This is just what I’ve read in novels and old etiquette books.)
My rule of thumb is: I’d always rather be a bit overdressed than a bit underdressed. It’s a matter of respect for the occasion.
As a general rule, for weddings don’t wear white, black, or red. I personally would avoid the bride’s color too, but if they don’t wear white there is no rule against it. There is nothing wrong with wearing the same dress you wore last summer, and that does look like a lovely dress, especially for a garden wedding.
The only person I know that would object to your dress is the Queen of England. I read an article that stated that she asks that her guests to not go sleeveless. I don’t think she will be attending, and certainly won’t be the host, so looks like you are clear there. Michelle Obama wears sleeveless dresses to just about anything, and the only time it stirred up a fuss was when it was to the speech last year in front of congress. I think there may even have been comments at the time that it was not like it was a wedding. I would be very surprised if that is the most revealing dress at the wedding.
I would say never wear white to a wedding, or solid black (accessories - shawl, scarf, jacket with some color - can be worn so it isn’t solid black). Miss Manners always said white looks like you are competing with the bride, and black looks like you are mourning at a funeral. … I went to a wedding where the groom’s mother (who was a bit of a head case, a drama queen, and didn’t like the bride) wore at the last minute - a screaming egg-yolk yellow dress and matching hat, with feathers :eek:. The bridesmaids were in pale pink. The bride about had a stroke, but the wedding went on. I often wonder about the wedding pictures, if the photographer was asked to ‘tone down’ the yellow or eliminate the groom’s mom altogether!
That dress looks just fine. Make sure you have the sunscreen like the others said. Also, make sure you hydrate. Don’t wanna be sitting in the sun all afternoon … and have heatstroke or sunstroke all evening when you’re supposed to be partying!
Another thought (and this is because I’m prone to light-related headaches), what are you doing for accessories? Sunglasses? Hat? A cute sun-hat would like really nice, keep the heat and sun off your face and out of your eyes… I could see a light colored hat with a bright teal ribbon looking really cute!
Is it OK to wear a cream-colored outfit to a wedding? I have a nice 2-piece (skirt + jacket) that I wore as the bride at my second wedding, but it’s not a wedding dress per se. I’ve been invited to a wedding in June and I’d like to wear it. I don’t know what the bride’s wearing yet.
Glad to throw that idea your way! I look for any excuse I can to wear a cute hat… and an outdoor summer wedding in a sunny environment? Perfect excuse!
I shall wear my dress with a clear conscience this summer.