Was wondering what some of your thoughts are on this situation.
My girlfriend was recently invited (guess I would be as a guest as well) to the “wedding” for the brother of a friend.
Some background:
My gf met a girl about 5 or 6 years ago at a previous job. They were work friends, and hung out outside of work eventually as well, mostly because she lived in our apartment complex for a while. After they both switched jobs and the girl moved away they kind of drifted apart and don’t see each other very often at all (not to mention this girl is real flaky, and astonishling airheaded at times) - it has probably been a year since they have communicated other then random email. So the girl has a brother who my gf met once very briefly years ago. He was married in India about a year ago in an arranged wedding, and they are now having another reception in America now that the bride has arrived. We are invited to that reception.
Is this just really weird? I almost think it is a ploy for money - invite anyone we know to get more cash! I have been to another Indian wedding and do know that they are often very very large, and include every possible relative (and the entire village if you are in India, but we are in America) - but to invite the friend of your sister who you don’t even know? Basically, we will have to both introduce ourselves to this guy and his bride, as I have never met either of them myself and my girlfriend briefly was introduced 5 years ago, thank them for the invite and hand them a check?
I am just totally lost on the culture difference (Indian vs middle class non religious white Americans), or is this weird?
In a similar situation, I sent them a card with congratulations and left it at that. You’re never obligated to send a gift unless you take them up on the invite for the reception.
Don’t assume that you’re invited unless the invitation was addressed to Fat Chance’s Girlfriend and Guest. Not all cultures make the assumption that single people will automatically be bringing a date with them.
But yeah, I would just reply that you aren’t coming, but that you heartily congratulate the happy couple. I don’t think that you have any obligation to send a check.
It’s kind of an Indian thing to invite everyone you know - certainly not a ploy to get more gifts (well, I suppose it could be if that’s what that couple is like, but not generally). My ex-BFs, sister’s wedding had over 1,000 guests invited and over 600 attending - it’s kind of a ‘thing’.
I agree if you don’t want to attend, just send a nice card with congratulations - you’re certainly not obligated to send a gift. Also, what GilaB said - when it comes to a wedding invitation, only the people mentioned on the invite are actually invited so unless your GFs invite said ‘and guest’ you’re not invited. And no, that’s not rude - only ‘spouses’ (eg, husbands/wives, common law spouses) are required by etiquette to be invited. Boyfriends/girlfriends are not, although it’s certainly thoughful if the couple has been together for a couple of years.
That I understand, as I have been to a friend’s Indian wedding that had around 800 people there. But from what I could tell everyone was either related in some way, or was a friend of the bride or groom (or thier guest), not friends of the bride or groom’s sisters who they don’t even know.
Either way, I also suggested to my girlfriend that we just a send a card and that is it, but I worry she is going to start feeling guilty and let herself get talked into accepting, which is something she sometimes does.
Too bad it said “and guest”! Or maybe I can find her a date…
I remember a friend of mine in high school being allowed to add two of her friends to the guest list when she was in her sister’s wedding so she’d have someone to hang out with. Maybe it’s a situation like that.
You’re never obligated to send a gift period. Doesn’t matter whether you attend the reception or not. An invitation is just that: an invitation. Not a request for gifts.
I wondered about that as well, but was told that she is inviting a bunch of her really close childhood friends who know the brother pretty well also - friends they grew up with. So I don’t think the invite is to have somebody to hang out with.
Basically it would be very very weird - We wouldn’t know a single person there other than her (out of 600+ people!). I think my girlfriend has met a couple of these childhood friends once or twice, maybe.
Update - my girlfriend recieves an email from her friend, telling her that the reception has been cancelled! They must have spent a small fortune on the fancy invitations too. No further detail right now, but it looks like we are off the hook anyway.
Wonder if the wife got delayed somehow coming over from India or something.