Went to a wedding this weekend. It was supposed to start at 6:30 pm. At 6:30 everyone was wondering were everyone was. No bride, no groom, no brides maids, no parents of the bride, but the groomsmen were hanging around wondering as well. The missing showed up at 6:40 and the wedding was performed, and then the dinner reception began. We later found out that the entire wedding party, including the brides parents, but not including the groomsmen were in a room upstairs having a private pre-nuptial dinner and drinks.
Not only did this seem incredibly rude and weird, but I can’t even think of a reason to do it. I understand that it can be hard to eat at the reception but this is just a plain stupid idea. At least I think so. What do you think?
It wouldn’t be that weird… if the groomsmen were invited. But as is, that is just plain odd. Maybe the story is just a cover to cover for a bride with cold feet (which would explain why her parents/bridesmaids were up there and his weren’t).
Were they all eating dinner literally right before the ceremony? As in, while wearing their wedding clothes and risking spilling something on themselves?
That seems unlikely to me. Cold feet sounds far more plausible, even with the groom present. I could certainly see a situation where the groom himself tried to talk the bride through her nerves.
I work in the industry. I once had a nuptial Mass held up for an HOUR while the bride had a sobbing meltdown and then insisted on having her makeup reapplied. Everyone involved–the groom, the parents, the wedding party, the priest, the guests, the caterers, and myself–were pretty damn upset and irritated. I would say it’s not unusual to have a wedding ceremony itself held up by five or ten minutes–shit happens, clothes need to be safety-pinned into place, the car with the bridal party gets stuck at too many red lights, the best man misplaces the rings (true story!), the groom realizes he forgot his shoes that morning and has to dispatch someone to go buy him new ones (true story as well), the celebrant is late or misplaced the papers, whatever. Five minutes is understandable, ten minutes is a little frustrating, but not a big deal.
To me this sounds like cold feet or some other kind of bridal meltdown. Bride starts flipping out, bridesmaids try to calm her down, one goes to get Mom who brings Dad and they’re trying to talk her down with no luck, someone sends for the groom who reassures and comforts her, bride eventually calms down. The groomsmen wouldn’t know–not, as a rule, being as close to the bride–and the bridesmaids and parents come up with a face-saving excuse of “drinks beforehand.” If it was a pre-ceremony meal, the groomsmen would have likely been there as well. The only time I’ve heard of the bridal party having a meal before the ceremony was in situations where it was going to be a mid-afternoon ceremony followed by a few hours of photographs before dinner, and nobody wanted the people passing out from hunger on Hour 7 without food.
Definitely weird and rude. If the groom’s parents weren’t invited either, I’d wonder if it was some attempt by the bride (or her parents) to create an exclusive event with just the people she really cares about for her special snowflake day.
This is what I was going to say. SOMETHING happened and “dinner and drinks” was a lie. It might have been the bride melting down, it might have been an in-law or something.
To postulate such a word begins with the assumption that the groom has something to do with the wedding, instead of being a largely inert decorative figure much like the ice sculpture or wedding cake.
Ever read a wedding planning book? The groom is mentioned on three pages and has the job of staying the hell out of the way except to stand for a couple of photos and speak a few words on the day itself.
In any case, they were only ten minutes late? You consider this “incredibly rude and weird”?
In my wedding the planner had a nice touch for us. After the ceremony while everyone else is digging in to the expensive appetizers the wedding is all doing pictures. Then when you head over to start the reception everyone is starving so they had a nice sampler of all the apps for the wedding party in the little room we used as a staging area before we were announced at the reception.
There’s no direct equivalent of “bridal” but “groom’s” is usually used. “Bridal party” is analogous to “groom’s party” or “groomsmen,” “bridal preparations” is analogous to “groom’s prep,” “bridal portraits” usually refers to both halves of the couple in the sense that “bridal” means pertaining to a bride and/or a wedding. If they were taking portraits of just the groom, I’d probably say “groom’s portraits.”
Also, I’d say that in easily 75% of the weddings we see the groom is pretty damn involved. The trope of the groom not giving two shits is fading. (And in probably 5% of the weddings the groom is the one driving the proceedings and behaving like a stereotypically demanding bride.)
If pretty much everybody was missing at 6:30, the first thing that would come to my mind was, they were going to do some “stunt” wedding entrance (similar to the “JK Wedding Entrance Dance”). Were the parents of the groom with the bride as well?
(“Wouldn’t the groomsmen be included in something like this?” Maybe one of them was the one who would record it?)
All I have is a reliable source who says that she passed the room in which they were eating, and that that is what they were doing. The door opened as she was walking by, and everyone was sitting around in front of plates containing food. However, now I am curious and will question further.
IF they were eating then yes, 10 minutes is incredibly rude and weird. You don’t invite people to a party and then have a separate more exclusive party without them. And if they were really trying to convince either bride or groom to go through with it, then no problem. That is a totally unexpected problem that had to be dealt with.
And I was talking with the father of the groom, and the grooms men right at 6:30 when we were wondering where everyone was, so, no, they were neither aware or invited.
No, but what is incredibly rude and weird is that no one knew. One member of the family couldn’t tell a groomsman, “We’re running a little over, just have everyone hang on”? And even the groomsmen didn’t know? Weird.
No, but what is incredibly rude and weird is that no one knew. One member of the family couldn’t tell a groomsman, “We’re running a little over, just have everyone hang on”? And even the groomsmen didn’t know? Weird.
For an early evening ceremony I can imagine having the wedding party eat something beforehand - that’s pretty smart. But I can’t imagine 1) excluding the groom’s family and groomsmen; and 2) not stopping when it’s time for the wedding to start. Both of those seem pretty selfish and rude to me.
It wasn’t weird, it was rude. There can be a lot of last minute things going on with the wedding party, but leaving your guests waiting is not acceptable. We had spent several uncomfortable times sitting in a hot church for other weddings, and wondering when the thing would get started.
So when my wife and I got married on 7/7/07, we scheduled a cocktail hour before our wedding. It was noted in the invitations that everyone was welcome to show up at this time and relax and get to know the other guests while the wedding party was preparing for the big event. Drinks would be served if so inclined. Refreshments and snacks.
The venue was a banquet hall where people would be sitting at the tables where the dinner would be served after the wedding.
The social hour was a big hit! Friends, guests, relatives both old and new, spent that hour getting to know each other and a great time was had by all. We saw people visiting with others that they hadn’t seen in years, did not know that they had us both in common in their lives, etc. It was a stroke of genius that my wife had heard of , and it worked beyond well. Then we had the ceremony and after, the event continued.
You are probably spending a lot of money on a hopefully one time bash, and the event is both for the friends and family as it is for the bride and groom.
Let it be a good time for all, not a chore they have to sit through to get a piece of cake.