CrazyCatLady–a woman who does not care for a large wedding is major plus to a guy like me (and plenty of other guys). I’m not getting married anytime soon (or ever, who knows), but I think the only way I would have a large wedding is if I can find a girl who will agree to get married at a hockey game. That way, I can wear a jersey (like I do all the time), and ride off on the Zamboni with a “Just Married” sign. Also, the JP can wear a referee’s jersey.
Have just been reading a few of the posts and it seems to be the case that the bridesmaids pay for their dresses?
In Ireland the bride and groom pay for the bridesmaid dresses. It must be horrible then to be asked to be a bridesmaid if you have to pay for a dress that you may never wear again!
Have just been reading a few of the posts and it seems to be the case that the bridesmaids pay for their dresses?
In Ireland the bride and groom pay for the bridesmaid dresses. It must be horrible then to be asked to be a bridesmaid if you have to pay for a dress that you may never wear again!
What, no fantasies from childhood about marrying a prince, and wearing tulle and a little crown? Me, neither.
As the child of a minister, I’ve heard them all, from over the top, to tiny/intimate, to fundamentally eloping (but with a minister instead of a JP doing the job), and from simple to silly to extremely elaborate… and what really counts is that you are both happy to be there, the people you care most about are happy to be there, and you’ve met the legal requirements to be married. That’s about it.
Most of the stuff is symbolic of something. Pick which symbols are meaningful to you, and do something that makes them meaningful SPECIFICALLY to you. Our rings, for example - symbols, not jewelry. They’re silver, with inscriptions on the outside, reflecting how we knew that we wanted to get married - for him, it translates to ‘forever’, and for me, ‘thee and no other’. The clothing was what made sense for us (as Scottish dancers, he wore Highland attire, I wore a very dancable ballgown, both sets of clothing hand made)… even the flowers were what I liked, personally - even though one florist said I could NOT have gladiolas, because they are a ‘funeral’ flower. :rolleyes:
And yes, rely on Miss Manners. Especially for stress relief - she has the gift of being absolutely cutting with charm and style.
I’d never imagined what my wedding would be like, as a kid. I never fantasized about being a princess, or waltzing down the aisle in clouds of magical fabric. That made picking what worked for us much simpler. I didn’t have to give up some dream invented when I was 9 and didn’t know any better.
We had a big event, because there were a lot of people we wanted to be there. It was also loaded with traditional things like feeding each other cake (nicely, thank you very much) and toasts, and first dance together… but it was all tweaked heavily toward our style, not ‘tradition’ - It was a good event, a good party, with good people who were happy to be there. That’s what made it work. (BTW, no booze, but it still worked, so you can even skip the drinks and have a good time!)
Oh, yes, Freckles, the bridal party has to pay for all their own stuff for the wedding. You have to pay for the horrid dress you’ll never wear again (though for some reason brides always claim you can), the miserably uncomfortable shoes that match the dress, the jewelry you hate, and if the bride decides you should have professional hair and makeup done for the wedding, you’re expected to pay for that, too. You’re also responsible for throwing the bride a shower, helping her get favors and invitations and the like ready, and planning her bachelorette party. After being in one wedding, I consider it an honor when my friends don’t ask me to be in their weddings.
Man am I happy to be living in Ireland and the chances of me being a bridesmaid in the States is slim to none 
I want an invite to DeskMonkey’s wedding. A keg of beer, bbq…yummmm…and I just bought a real purty Hawaiian shirt…all red with white flowers all over it that’s just dying to be worn to a spiffy cookout and get bbq sauce dribbled all over it.
All kidding aside, that sounds great DeskMonkey. Everybody will have fun and remember what a cool wedding y’all had.
Cripes, I don’t panic easily but I almost had to breathe into a paper bag after reading this thread. Erstwhile doper TheLadyLion and myself are getting married next march. We’re both in middle age but it’s the first time for both of us. I would be perfectly happy with a n Elvis impersonator (ordained Lutheran please) leaning out of the window at the drive through chapel or a small ceremony with a few close friends and family but she wants a traditional wedding. Fair enough. It will be in our church and she wants to squeeze 120 people into the small parish hall for the reception. I’ve begged her to sit down and lay out a budget but she’s been having too much fun ordering tulle and bells and toasting goblets from ebay. I’m afraid that costs will escalate far beyond what she thinks it can be done for.
In the unlikely event that I am ever drunk or mad enough to get married, the only other people present will be immediate family and the justice of the peace, and we can have some flowers from the back yard or something. Don’t want any diamonds either. We could go to Australia for weeks with that kind of money.
Sadly, though, a fair number of guys seem to want their girlfriends to want the big three-ring-circus wedding, even if they don’t want it themselves. Never have figured this out.
I think those guys have been educated from childhood to believe that no matter what the girl says about what she wants, she must really secretly be wishing for a princess wedding, and will regret not doing it for the rest of her life and will blame him. Sorta like the ‘no really means yes’ rationale.
I never had fantasies about my wedding, either. Maybe because I was never given a bride Barbie? Now, my wedding night was a different story, as I was the sort to wait till marriage. 
Thanks! I’m glad I could provide a touch of inspiration! My mom simply Hated the idea when I first told her about it. She made some snarky comment like “Well, it has to look something like a wedding.” But she came to her senses and realized that having a wedding that suits our personalities rather than hers was the best thing we could do. Now she’s all excited and was last seen shopping for a Muu Muu and testing out recipes for pineapple cakes!
And *swampbear, you and I will match perfectly! My dress is red with white flowers and I too will probably end up covered in BBQ sauce!!
I have no problem with big, frilly weddings, I just don’t feel like people should be pressured into doing all the “right” things because family, friends, or worse yet the wedding industry expect them to. Baby, if it feels good, do it!
By the way, congratulations to all who are planning or have planned a wedding! (Both for the marriage and for not ending up in the loony bin!)
I would love to see a picture of your hawaiian dress Desk Monkey
Once at the gym another woman started complaining to me about the problems she was having with her roommate. I was feeling pretty sorry for her until she concluded by wailing, “And she was going to be one of my bridesmaids!”
I might not have thought this was funny if this woman were going to be married soon, but she isn’t. She’s not even engaged. It was all I could do to say, “I’m sure you’ll be able to find someone else” with a straight face.
I guess she won’t have to worry about having her ovaries revoked, though.
Older women go particularly nuts if you tell them you’re engaged. I almost fought with one of my friend’s mothers about not having candles at the reception. My mother just shrugs, and figures I can handle everything.
Honestly, I do think a lot of women are deeply interested in other people’s weddings- you get to hear about them, and maybe go, but without the stress of planning and organizing!
I think my fiance is going to wear a sword, and his Aragorn/Legolas outfit. Thankfully, very few relatives are coming to the wedding. At least I talked him out of armour!
Bride-to-be in two weeks (exactly) checking in. We are having a very small wedding (25 people); we decided from day one that it was going to be our wedding, and we have done very little for any reason other than we wanted it that way. The only trouble I’ve had has been with wedding dress salespeople who basically wouldn’t let me near the bridesmaid dresses and the caterers - if I had it to do over, that would be my one change - no caterers. They’re not worth the hassle. Some things we’re doing our way - my sister’s poorly-behaved children are not invited, chocolate wedding cake, two bridesmaids and one groomsman, homemade wine, an ivory satin bridesmaid dress for my gown (with extra chiffon added by me), very few decorations for the hall, my mom walking me down the aisle, and me not going crazy trying to lose 30 pounds before THE DAY. We’re basically looking at is as a big dinner/dancing party, with a short wedding ceremony thrown in. Like everyone has said so far, it is very important to stay in touch with what you want for yourselves.
I’ll try to remember to come back here after the wedding and let you know how everything turned out.
(ps - DeskMonkey, I saw Martha Stewart make a pineapple upside down cake that looked incredible - maybe you could look on her website for the recipe or something. And no, I don’t normally watch Martha Stewart.)
Oops - forgot I was going to link to a wedding site I found that was quite interesting - it had a bunch of stories of what couples liked and didn’t like about their weddings. I got some good information from the site.
Another girly here who wil probably end up with her ovaries revoked! I went to two weddings last year both the traditional church service, white frock the works one of which I was bridesmaid at. But they were both so different. The first was full of extended family most of which the bride & groom didn’t know but had been pressured to invite and they felt it wasn’t their day. The second that I was chief bridesmaid at was fantastic as it was mainly friends of the bride and groom and a few close family members which is exactly what the bride & grom wanted and everybody ended having a fantastic time.
But for me I don’t think I want the full church service, reception + evening ‘do’. Something far simpler would be better as I have never dreamed of what my wedding day would be like so I have no expectations or preconcieved ideas. I have more weddings next year to go to, one is getting married in a castle and taking it over for a weekend so all the friends can spend time together & another is having a small civil service then a huge party at her parents house in a marquee. Both different and both will be fantasic I am sure.
Just don’t ask me to get interested in the planning m’kay?
[hijack] These were weddings in the UK and I didn’t have to pay for the dress, shoes, hair or makeup. I got jewellery that I love and have worn again lots of times as my thankyou present from the bride & groom. I did organise a hen weekend for 10 people in Edinburgh a month before the wedding which was a teeny bit stressful.[/Hijack]
CCL (Do you mind if I call you that? 
),
I have posted on that site maybe 5 times. I am more addicted to the WC. Although the sites are very similar, the mods are much more lax on the WC, and if you catch in on the right day, MAN you can read some killer catfights! Actually, there’s a thread devoted to tracking the catfights. Pure hilarious silliness, it is, but once in a while it gets fairly interesting in the non-wedding related discussions.
I will be sure to go check you out on UW!
That’s so fantastic… I love it. If I marry my current boyfriend, it’s happening at a Blackhawks homegame. Now I just need to find a Lutherean pastor willing to wear the ref jersey…
That’s so fantastic… I love it. If I marry my current boyfriend, it’s happening at a Blackhawks homegame. Now I just need to find a Lutheran pastor willing to wear the ref jersey…