Wedding Present Etiquette

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

My cousin does. She’s into odd shaped coffee mugs, unusual bowls/plates, and pretty much everything kitchen related.

Most of their gifts (I was there when they were opening. I’m close with my aunt, uncle and cousins) were all about her taste, and very little related to her husband at all.

Cause I know the guy. He’s not a kitchen guy at all. He likes electronics, computer stuff, and sports related things. I saw the look of joy when he opened the stemless wine glasses and the fourth soup tureen. It looked like ‘Fuck, how many damn soup tureens are we going to have to return to the stores?’

I’ve also noticed that most of the ‘decorating’ things are more female than male. Colors as far as the sheets and towels go, or things that I really don’t often see in a man’s house, like decorative hand towels and carved soaps. The item itself may not be feminine, but the color or style of it often is.

22

[QUOTE=catsix]
Why is it that ‘gifts for the couple’ are almost always things that men are generally not interested in, like serving bowls and shit?
QUOTE] <snip>

Why is it that anything home related is perceived as for “her”? Don’t men dry off with towels, eat what is served in the serving bowls, and shit?

23

Years ago my buddy got married to a girl he wasn’t very compatible with. They fought a lot even before they were married, and most of his friends didn’t think the marriage would last. So I got the new couple a meat cleaver. I figured it would come in handy however the marriage turned out … . :smiley:

Seriously … give him the controller for his birthday or as part of the batchelor party. Presents at the wedding should be for the couple.

24

When my best friend got married, I remembered her husband just basically resignedly accepting that everything they got was going to mostly be something she wanted. That really bothered me - yes, they’re a couple now, but they’re still two distinctly separate people.

So I got them each something, and then one thing for the household. I got him a power drill (he’d been wanting one AND it will help with home repairs), I got her a wine rack (she’d been wanting one because her grandmother keeps buying her wine) and I got them some really cool Tupperware on discount through my mom for the house.

He was ecstatic.

Basically, I’m tired of weddings being more for the girl than guy. When I got married EVERYTHING got run past my husband beforehand, and we made certain that everyone knew that wedding presents were to be for either both of us or one of us - whoever knew us better. So his best friend, we insisted, either get something for both of us or something HE’D like. My mother, on the other hand, knowing me best, would get something for both of us or something I would like. This is, you know, a partnership. It’s not all about the bride, and anyone who says so is an idiot.

/feminist rant

~Tasha

25

I agree with everyone else - give the guitar as a bachelor party gift and get something off the registry for them as a couple for a wedding gift.

If you’re concerned about Catsix’s point, you could look for BBQ type items - in all the couples I know the man tends to have sole domain over the Q, so that could be an idea.

However, giving him a super personal gift for the wedding, and getting her something off the registry seems kind of alienating to the bride. The gift is an awesome idea - maybe just not the occasion you’ve chosen for giving it.

26

Wait a second - I need a second post to ask this - is registering at a car store or a hardware store or the like a Canadian only thing?

Everyone I know that gets married and registers does it at two places (at least) the Bay for the towels and bowls and shit, and Canadian Tire or Sears for the drills and the BBQs and the table saws.

27

How many men do you know that buy a matched set of bath, face, and hand towels with washcloths that are all in lavender?

They might use those towels, but I doubt they’d actually go and buy those towels for themselves.

The same with a decorative scalloped serving bowl set or a soup tureen that has a floral pattern in the glaze.

Even as far as registries go, I’ve seen a lot of them that really don’t seem to take the groom into account at all. When it includes items that in and of themselves are neither masculine nor feminine, they are often wanted in a color or pattern that I don’t see too many single men picking up for themselves.

Guys don’t buy a red bed spread with gold floral patterning and the matching pillow shams and throw pillows, at least not as far as I’ve seen.

I have never seen, in all the weddings I’ve been to, power tools given as a gift. Not even a cordless drill.

28

[QUOTE=catsix]
I have never seen, in all the weddings I’ve been to, power tools given as a gift. Not even a cordless drill.
[/QUOTE]

Well, a lot of times if you buy off a registry, the store will deliver the item to the couple after the wedding, to save you from lugging it to the reception, so it’s possible that all the drills were delivered that way.

However, you are correct that wedding gifts tend to be more kitchen-y or bathroom-y or bedroom-y, which tends to be more girl domain. I mean, when my best girl friend got married last September, her husband opened these uber-posh red wine glasses and started blubbering with delight (no, I’m not making that up) and she sort of rolled her eyes, but yah, it does tend to be more “girly” stuff given at weddings.

Maybe only Canadian people give drills. To go along with the moose, I guess. :smiley:

29

[QUOTE=catsix]
How many men do you know that buy a matched set of bath, face, and hand towels with washcloths that are all in lavender?

They might use those towels, but I doubt they’d actually go and buy those towels for themselves.

The same with a decorative scalloped serving bowl set or a soup tureen that has a floral pattern in the glaze.

Even as far as registries go, I’ve seen a lot of them that really don’t seem to take the groom into account at all. When it includes items that in and of themselves are neither masculine nor feminine, they are often wanted in a color or pattern that I don’t see too many single men picking up for themselves.

Guys don’t buy a red bed spread with gold floral patterning and the matching pillow shams and throw pillows, at least not as far as I’ve seen.

I have never seen, in all the weddings I’ve been to, power tools given as a gift. Not even a cordless drill.
[/QUOTE]

Grooms of the world - speak up and tell your fiance that you don’t want all that lavender, ruffly, glazy crap and register for stuff you both like.

I’ve heard of the groom getting a “tool shower” while the bride gets the typical bridal shower.

30

[QUOTE=alice_in_wonderland]
Wait a second - I need a second post to ask this - is registering at a car store or a hardware store or the like a Canadian only thing?
[/QUOTE]

My cousin got married a few years ago and they registered at Home Depot (they were remodeling a house). They got a lot of gift certificates, which I know were greatly appreciated.

31

[QUOTE=alice_in_wonderland]
Wait a second - I need a second post to ask this - is registering at a car store or a hardware store or the like a Canadian only thing?

Everyone I know that gets married and registers does it at two places (at least) the Bay for the towels and bowls and shit, and Canadian Tire or Sears for the drills and the BBQs and the table saws.
[/QUOTE]

This is very unusual in my (American) experience. I had one friend who did it, but he has a quirky sense of humor, and it was played for laughs. For example, he had 10 bags of charcoal on the registry.
(Yes, I bought the charcoal. Along with other stuff, of course.)

32

[QUOTE=Alma]
My cousin got married a few years ago and they registered at Home Depot (they were remodeling a house). They got a lot of gift certificates, which I know were greatly appreciated.
[/QUOTE]

Friends of mine did that too. I got them a chainsaw.

Sure was a lot more practical than a tea cozy (whatever that is.)

33

[QUOTE=friedo]
Sure was a lot more practical than a tea cozy (whatever that is.)
[/QUOTE]

When my brother and SIL got married, they had been living in an appartment for a few years so they had all the kitchen-y type stuff.

They wound up getting a BBQ and a table saw which they had registered for at HomeDepot or Canadian Tire or something. A bunch of guests got together and went in on the different gifts. My SIL has never gone near either of them, but my brother built their deck, finished their basement with the saw and regularly BBQs meals for the family, so they’ve both reaped the benefits. I think a lot of the kitchen-y stuff is like that too - the wife gets a KitchenAide and you think “Boo-Hoo, nothing for the guy.” but he does get to eat the tasty food she makes with it.

34

[QUOTE=alice_in_wonderland]
Well, a lot of times if you buy off a registry, the store will deliver the item to the couple after the wedding, to save you from lugging it to the reception, so it’s possible that all the drills were delivered that way.

However, you are correct that wedding gifts tend to be more kitchen-y or bathroom-y or bedroom-y, which tends to be more girl domain. I mean, when my best girl friend got married last September, her husband opened these uber-posh red wine glasses and started blubbering with delight (no, I’m not making that up) and she sort of rolled her eyes, but yah, it does tend to be more “girly” stuff given at weddings.

Maybe only Canadian people give drills. To go along with the moose, I guess. :smiley:
[/QUOTE]

We received gift certs to home depot for our wedding. I gave Home depot gift cert for a bridal shower I went to. Things aren’t quite they way they were along time ago…

35

Warning: Sexist statement to follow
I realize that most guys don’t care too much about the frillier, nicer type of household stuff that women usually like in a house, but I think guys like living in a nicer place than they would live in if left to their own devices. I don’t think all guys would run out and buy a set of matched fluffy towels, but I don’t think they mind having matching fluffy towels (okay, the “matching” part probably means nothing, but who doesn’t like “fluffy?”) The default for guys seems to be functional, basic and no-fuss, but if someone else is willing to make the effort to make things nicer, I think they like it okay.

But don’t put 25 pillows on the bed; nobody, male or female, needs 25 pillows on the bed.

(Thanks for the reminder, Pine Fresh - I have to get my sister and fiance a gift this week before all the good stuff is gone off the registry. Oh, another vote for a couple gift for the wedding and the controller for a birthday.)

36

That’s very true. It’s like giving a little kid clothes for their birthday. Of course they need them but could care less about owning them.

One of the reasons I always give money.

37

[QUOTE=featherlou]
Warning: Sexist statement to follow
I realize that most guys don’t care too much about the frillier, nicer type of household stuff that women usually like in a house, but I think guys like living in a nicer place than they would live in if left to their own devices. I don’t think all guys would run out and buy a set of matched fluffy towels, but I don’t think they mind having matching fluffy towels (okay, the “matching” part probably means nothing, but who doesn’t like “fluffy?”) The default for guys seems to be functional, basic and no-fuss, but if someone else is willing to make the effort to make things nicer, I think they like it okay.
[/quote]
I agree. And I think that, for many couples, when it comes to decorating, the wife does the picking-out of stuff, with the husband doing any necessary vetoing. For instance, my own husband loathes lavendar, so if I had tried to register (we didn’t register for gifts at all, but stick with me here) for lavendar bath towels he would have vetoed that. And we would have gone with whatever was my second choice. He doesn’t know anything about decorating, but he likes living in a nicely decorated house.

I also think that guys are entirely capable of being excited about wedding gifts in the abstract, even if they aren’t all that excited about each individual object. In other words, a man who couldn’t care less about owning a Crockpot may, nonetheless, be pleased to recieve a Crockpot and be able to look at said Crockpot fondly, thinking, “This isn’t her Crockpot, or my Crockpot, it is our Crockpot.”

I actually know a lot of men who are, even years after their weddings, kind of sentimental about wedding presents. I have had men tell me, when I comment on something in their home, that it was a wedding gift. My own husband does this – whenever I use our pasta set, he’ll mention that it was a wedding gift. We’ve been married for 21 years.

My dad, too. When I was growing up, we had a cool cookie jar with a dog on it, which I broke in 1972 or something. I found a picture online of a similar cookie jar and took it over to show my mother. First thing Dad said when he saw the picture was, “Hey! It’s just like the one Ski gave us at our wedding!” Their wedding was 50 years ago this July.

38

[QUOTE=catsix]

Cause I know the guy. He’s not a kitchen guy at all. He likes electronics, computer stuff, and sports related things. I saw the look of joy when he opened the stemless wine glasses and the fourth soup tureen. It looked like ‘Fuck, how many damn soup tureens are we going to have to return to the stores?’
[/QUOTE]

And that’s fine. That’s your friend. But keep in mind, plenty of guys are different, just like many gals are. I think it goes for ANY couple, not just the guys, not just the girls-consider the tastes of BOTH of them, and plan accordingly.

39

Wow. Guests buy the couple gifts? I have had the pleasure of attending 8 weddings over the past 12 months, the ninth will be at the end of this month. All of them have been miles from where I live and most on a Sunday, which makes driving difficult for getting back for work on Monday, so I flew to all of them and for that at least one couple said they didn’t want anything as I was going to enough expense (however, I’m not that much of a tightarse - I bought them a night in a motel on the coast whenever they want it). But - none of those weddings had a registry. I get invitations that read

"for years now, we’ve been living in sin
"we’ve got a toaster, we’ve got a bin
"we’ve got a wine rack and pot for the honey
“so all we ask is you give us some money”

or some such piffle. And gift vouchers for Department stores are all the rage too.

By the way, a tea cosy keeps the tea warm in the pot and doubles as a balaclava to frighten your nanna with. Oh - take the pot out first.

40

Here’s my suggestion: give that to your friend on the stag night or the morning of the wedding as your gift to him, and then get something from the registry which it is clear she has chosen.

He’s your friend, you don’t have to pretend to like them both equally, but a wedding present should be for the couple. Even if he has no idea what it is, how you use it, where to put it or why it is on the list…she will !

I’ve been married for 18months and we still haven’t spent the gift certificates because we can’t decide what we need that we don’t have.