What the hell is up with lack of reading comprehension around here today? How can you delete the entire subject of a sentence, replace the words that reference it, and think you’ve recreated a true representation of what I said?
I’d made 4 more posts. . . and not a single one of them. . .
As in, in the 5 posts total I’d made to this thread up to that point, in only the first one did I say anything about ruining the bride’s day. Therefore, the accusation that I had done so “time and time again” was flat out wrong.
And yes, Stainz and Dangerosa, that’s precisely what I predict will happen, too. What a shame, because it is such an easy problem to resolve if everyone whose business it wasn’t would simply butt out of it.
For what it’s worth, if the wedding is costing $25K, do the limo (depending on its purpose).
In the many weddings I’ve been in, I can say that without question the most enjoyable part for many in the wedding is the time spent between ceremony and reception in the limo and about. Champagne/beers stops for pictures, etc. Well worth the price.
OTOH, if it’s just for the sake of being in a limo and the plans don’t include the above, forget it.
I would also point out the effect this whole debacle may have on the future relationship that dauerbach and his lovely wife will have with their new in-laws, and the offense that they may feel at having their gift refused by an unreasonable MOB. Why on earth you would want to insult them in this way, and start the inter-family relationship with an air of rejection and superiority and just plain bad attitude is beyond me. Not to mention that it’s not just the daughter that’s being deprived of the in-law’s gift, but their son, as well.
Has anybody suggested at any point that your daughter pay for her own damned limo, dauerbach? I know you said she was spoiled, but is she completely destitute, too?
Did you read the OP? Right there in the original post that started this whole thread. . .
So yes, it was suggested that the daughter pay for it herself, but the controlling mother would still be furious about it. It doesn’t even matter that the groom’s parents have offered to pay for it – the mother will still go through the roof. The only thing that will satisfy this woman is to bully her daughter into riding in the family’s standard car. And she won. Or lost, as Dangerosa astutely pointed out. In fact, everyone in this scenario loses out. I hope the mother’s proud of herself.
So you think I am missing cojones, huh? You are absolutely right as far as my wife is concerned. She morphed over the years from a very sweet person to a control freak she is today. After innumerable fights whose end results just made me more miserable I decided it was better to just ignore the tantrums. Is it a happy life for me? Not really. Is it better than divorce, at least for the children, particularly the 14 year old? I think so.
Just for the record, the information that the future in-laws offered to pay for the limo was never brought up to her. Everyones prediction is that she would totally freak. And that is probably accurate.
Destitute, no. But one is a med student, the other a law student. We even sprung for the honeymoon because they didn’t have enough money for a decent one.
This should be in The Pit, but I don’t have time for a huge rant. We just received our 9th last minute cancelation, all from the grooms side of the family. What is wrong with people that they do shit like this. If you think you might not make it then answer no, and just go to the wedding if you can. Holding a place at $60 dollars a head because you might feel like going is egregiously something, I can’t even think of the word.
I really cannot find a better way to put it than this.
Normally rational women become insane when it comes to weddings. Just try to stay out of the way, sign the checks, and ignore the screaming. Buy an iPod and tune out the rest of the world if you think it’ll help.
As for your daughter: the wedding is day after tomorrow. Remind her that it’s only another couple days, then she can ignore her mother with impugnity. In fact, tell her to ignore her now. She has enough to worry about. Your wife can (and probably will) go postal all over the caterers, planners, hair dressers, etc. without any help or hindrance from you and your daughter.
I only hope that this doesn’t end up with permanent ill feelings between your daughter and your wife - for your sake. Your daughter may have given in, but when/if grandchildren come your wife may be the one paying the price.
I understand staying in a miserable situation for the sake of younger children - I’ve heard that story all my life. My mother chose not to stay in a miserable situation. You seem to have chosen otherwise. I hope it all works out for the best for your family.
I have absolutely stayed on the sidelines. When assigned a task I did it, I gave no opinions about anything, except the limo thing. I personally have at one time or another, been annoyed at all those providing services for the wedding such as caterers, cake makers, and especially the dress people. The whole thing is an entire rip-off. We are having 7 very young boys take part in the wedding and my wife found tuxes on line she could buy that cost just more than half of what it would have cost to rent. At the very least they have a free halloween costumes.
Sorry but I can’t accept the “victim” role you are playing. Like it or not, you have agreed to this type of marriage with this type of woman. You have agreed to spend a ridiculous amount of money to buy your daughter’s happiness. Yeah, big weddings are a rip-off - everyone knows that! I hope your daughter is able to enjoy her big day, and I hope that she also realizes that she is really pretty spoiled. I didn’t get married until I was able to pay for it myself - to me, that is part of being a grown-up.
daurbach: So many problems! Two more days and at least this crisis will be over. Sorry your wife changed on you. My mom did the same thing to my dad. Be set to have a serious discussion with her as soon as your youngest turns 18. Both my parents still insist on staying together. They really are not the better for it.
My mom pulled similar stuff during my wedding 6 months ago. Fortunately, I had maybe 5 things I really wanted and the rest didn’t matter, so I was able to be flexible. Even though this battle of wits reinforced your wifes behavior, maybe it will help your daughter realize that the car really wasn’t as important as she thought. Besides, she and the new hubby can always get a limo on their first anniversary and take a night on the town.
Oh, and sorry about the lost money on cancelled guests, but that is one of the pitfalls of having a sit-down reception. Some of them probably have legitimate reasons. Some of them are probably being political after hearing the family skeletons that always gets stirred up with big events like this. The latter are assholes and you wouldn’t want them eating your expensive food anyhow. So, don’t sweat it too much.
Just make sure that the guy doing the wedding video (I presume there is one given the total cost of the event) is paid up and very contented. Happy film editors keep embarrassing family events from being on the internet.
What part of Shayna’s (or was it Dangerosa’s) prediction that you would offend the In-laws (and that whole side of the family) by refusing their offer don’t you understand? They tried to help, and you basically told them (and not even to their faces) to butt out. At the risk of pissing off my future bride… i have to say that you sitting idly by on the side, sipping mint julips or whatever, is the COWARDLY way out. Grow. A. Pair.
As for you and your wife staying together for the sake of your 14 year old… good damn thing the kid doesn’t realize what is happening… :rolleyes:
Eeeh… dauerbach’s side decides not to take their offer to pay for the towncar, so some second-cousin doesn’t show up?
Not in my experience, and one of the very few things my mother (aka She-Who-Keeps-Her-Heart-In-Her-Purse) insisted on re my brother’s wedding was asking the restaurant what would be done for no-shows. She also told Bro that since he wasn’t going to be paying for his clothes, it was NOT going to be SIL who chose them: “she’ll dress you starting that night”… o… k… (yep, SIL chooses bro’s clothes now)
So that’s what those are! Several of the wedding halls I’ve worked at use those as part of the ceremony: even though the bride and groom have been sitting all morning in a ready-room surrounded by makeup artists and hair stylists only fifteen feet from the chapel, once everything’s ready to start the hall staff hustle them out a side door where noone can see them and gives them a spin around the block so they can make their grand entrance at the chapel doors.
One place uses a black and maroon Citroen 2CV with the seats modified so the bride and groom can stand through the sunroof and wave to everyone. Cute.
As for the limo issue, that seems to have resolved itself for better or worse, but suggestion would have been to lock the daughter and mother in a room together. The one that comes out marries the groom. Either way, you win.
I have to say I feel for you, this was my story. I can guarantee that without therapy, counselling and possibly medication it will get worse and worse until one of you leaves the house, or we see your picture in the paper, either as a victim or perp. I’m not kidding. Been there, done that. My email’s in my profile if you want to share.
Be that as it may… mazeltov! on your daughter’s wedding.
I suggest you stop worrying about defending your self here, and the your marrage to your wife. Don’t respond anymore and concentrate on the up coming wedding. I can only see more stress and conflict as you continue with this thread, since eveerybody is now in a feeding frensy. Good luck on the wedding, may you have a joyous day.
If you haven’t, take some time today to pull your daughter aside. Apologize for her mother’s behavior and thank her for being so adult as to be willing to smooth things over. Let her know you know that her mother’s behavior is wrong. Let her know you love her, and you wish her a happy and long marriage, and if she and her husband are both able to continue to make reasonable compromises throughout their marriage, their chance of happiness will be much greater - you are proud of her. In other words, don’t let your wife’s behavior impact your relationship with your daughter - particularly if you aren’t interested in maintaining your relationship long term with your wife. In a few years, your youngest will be out of the house, but you’ll still want a relationship with your kids.