I think Dangerosa wins the thread with the best advice so far. You probably can’t salvage much of a relationship with your wife, but you can let your daughter know that you’re proud of her.
I agree that Dangerosa’s advice was spot on. Do have that talk with your daughter before you walk her down the aisle. Good luck with your wife and marriage, too.
Accepted. And I apologize for pointing out your error so harshly. I was annoyed that anu-la kept repeatedly misrepresenting what I’d posted, responding to things I’d never said, and making accusations that were completely false, so when you stepped into the line of fire, you got it with both barrels. Sorry about that.
Your future in-laws, however, have indeed had their offer of a gift refused. And I’m sure they’ve been made aware as to why it’s being refused – the fact that your wife would likely throw a hissy fit should she find out about it. Not a very good way to start off a new familial relationship. I don’t think that’s the reason so many guest on their side are cancelling, but don’t think their offense is lessened just because they were spared your wife’s actual tantrum.
I feel really bad for you that this event has become so tainted with drama and angst. Dangerosa has indeed offered some exceptional advice. And now that your daughter has decided to go ahead and ride in the family car, I’d also recommend that she make the most of it and have fun with it. Being budget-conscious ourselves when we got married, my husband and I drove our own car from the wedding and reception venue to my aunt’s house afterwards for a smaller get-together to open presents with family and a few of our guests (primarily the out-of-town ones). We got tons of honks and waves along the way – something we wouldn’t have experienced behind tinted windows in a limo!
Here’s hoping you have a spectacular day!
I may have been wrong too, about why the guests cancelled. Or not. I don’t know. 9 seems like a lot, and all from his side. Anyways…
I was there too, years ago. A sweet (enough) woman who got more and more domineering. The more you let it pass, the deeper you get. Luckily I got out. I can’t imagine what it mighta been like if I had been married as long as you have, dauerbach. I’ll just say I’m a lot happier now.
God you don’t need that do you ? A handful, having said they were coming the week before when hubby called to check so we could confirm numbers, didn’t show … and we had 5 people come over to Paris from Ireland, go drinking with the groom the night before then not turn up … I get rattled just thinking about it* … waste of about €600 on food (we suggested the kitchen and waiting staff eat it), lack of respect and … hurtful actually.
All as it happens were ‘from his side’ but I don’t think that has anything to do with anything. Hope you manage to switch off and relax a
Maureen said "Remind her that it’s only another couple days, then she can ignore her mother with impugnity. " this is very similar to what my wonderful husband said to me the day before our wedding as stress etc. reduced me to tears … I was having a moment of contentment as we decorated the tables and Dad threatened to lock away the hard liquor to prevent problems at the reception. Husband sometimes jokes about locking away Dad’s drink when we go to visit but luckily there’s no real ill-will (especially as we got the drink out at some stage and there weren’t any fights or vomiting!). As it happens I don’t ignore my Dad, nor would I want to, but I do feel more liberated somehow.
*one aunt had had a funny turn but three of them went to chuffin’ Disneyland for crying out loud !!!
Actually that “talk” should have been years ago, it’s a little late now.
what?
May I point out that dauerbach specifically asked for advice on how to handle his wife? However, I do agree that him backing off on this now would be a good idea. Come back some time in the future, dauerbach, and we can really go 'round on what you should do about your wife and your marriage.
Correct.
He asked for it.
It was just a friendly reminder to get ready for the day.
So when is the wedding? I’d really like to hear how everything went, and what a beautiful bride your daughter was! Pics wouldn’t hurt, either! hint, hint
I believe today is the big day. Hope it wasn’t hot as hell like it’s been here and that everything went wonderfully. Yeah, and I want pics too. We’re a supportive and nosy bunch around here.
<sigh>
I’m sad to know there are at least two other people out there that had/have the same experience I did.
Your wife is, to put it bluntly, a selfish person. This is complete crap and you know it.
My wife and I had the same problem, and we paid for the limo ourselves. My wife and her parents have not seen/spoken to each other in over 3 years.
My father-in-law didn’t then and still to this day doesn’t have the balls to stand up to the black hole that is his wife. She ruined the day. And because of this, my wife and her father, who used to have a great relationship, no longer have a relationship of any kind.
Don’t let this happen to you. A wedding shouldn’t be some event that divides the family. Unfortunately for people like **jjimm **and myself, there are whackos-in-law that can’t permit their own daughter some happiness. Like jjimm, I had a great time at my wedding, but my wife won’t even look at the pictures. Her mother ruined it for her.
I hope you take some solice in that you aren’t the only one out there. But don’t let your wife ruin your daughter’s day. $25K and she’s complaining about a $250 car? Sounds like she needs something to bitch about. And by you even listening, you are giving her the upper hand and a platform. Tell her to get bent.
Your wife is wrong. And I suspect she has been before. Stand up to her before it’s too late. You have my sympathies, but you won’t if you allow your wife to dictate the terms of your daughter’s wedding. I suspect your daughter and your wife don’t have the best relationship anyway. Your daughter’s resentment toward you will last a lifetime if you let your wife decide this.
In retrospect, if my mother-in-law stayed home like she threatened, the day would have been better for everyone, and my wife and her father would still be speaking.
My advice… do what you want for your daughter. If your selfish wife doesn’t show up, it will be a better day for everyone. Including you. But especially your daughter. That’s about the best wedding present you could give her.
Man, this stuff just chaps my ass. I hope for your daughter’s sake, everything works out.
Best of luck.
I just want to say this: As the daughter of a freaking crazy control freak of a mother, I beg you to reconsider and see a professional to get an opinion on what “staying together for the children” really is like FOR the children.
It seems that I’ve stumbled onto this thread a bit late.
All I can say to this is Amen.
If the wedding was this weekend, I hope everything went off without a hitch (except for the intended hitching, of course 
)
My husband and I left in seperate cars, kind of crappy ones no less. Hows that for superfluous.
Amen. My parents aren’t “crazy” but their entire 24-year marriage was unhappy. They were two people who got married because of low self-esteem - they each glommed onto the first person who showed them any attention.
They certainly didn’t do my brother or I any favours by showing us how an extremely passive-aggressive relationship works. They finally separated when we were 17 and 15.