My brother is getting married next week. No, that’s not an armadillo in my trousers, I’m the best man. I need a good toast. Suggestions?
I’m open to anything. Funny, serious, doesn’t matter. We do though try to exhibit class and not get pornographic or rudely insulting. We’re Irish. Maybe some Gaelic, or a Latin quote. I dunno. Help me out here, dammit!
May the best day of your single life be worse than the worst day of your married life.
I think it goes something like that, my dad uses it all the time at weddings.
May you be unto your enemies as a herd of groundhogs?
I read this in a book by Roger Axtell:
Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to propose a toast to ____ and _____. Now…this is a rather unusual, even unconventional, toast, so I would ask you to bear with me. (Long pause… for as much silence as possible.)
This is a toast…(solemnly)…to lying!..stealing!.. and cheating! (It is important to allow for a pause here because frankly, many of those attending will think perhaps you have had too much to drink! Then continue.)
To ____ and _____. May you lie in each other’s arms and comfort one another for many years to come.
And may you steal away from time to time and remember the love and friendship that is present in this room tonight.
And, finally, may you both cheat Father Time and live and love one another for a hundred more years!
here’s hoping your kids turn out just like you!
“The doves are going for the rice! Grab your shells and everybody outside to shoot dinner!”
Sorry, couldn’t resist. Though squab are just pigeons minus feathers and culinarily duded-up.
I’ll look up some sample toasts tomorrow and zing 'em to you. Not busting your chops–honest question–prefer the quotes translated from Gaelic? It’s nerve-wracking enough without coping with such a liquid language, but if that’s what your family would prefer…
Veb
jjjfishe:
That’s pretty good 
Thanks.
That kind of task may be tough for pansy assed librarians. :D… but us scent hounds can solve it in a jiffy
Scylla, I just went through this last month, complete with the Irish toast. All I can say is no matter how well you know your speech, bring a note card!
Seriously, I stumbled twice and left half of my speech on the cutting room floor. I did manage to get through it ok with a little ad-libbing, and was even congratulated by a few people, but an index card with just the first sentance of each paragraph would have been a tremendous asset.
It wasn’t as though I didn’t memorize it well enough either. I could recite the whole speech right now, but after half a dozen drinks and in front of 150 people, well you get the picture.
I also got some good info and advice in this thread. Sadly, I did not follow London_Calling’s advice about the notes.
Did I mention to bring a note card? Best of luck!
Scylla, there is actually a book on what to do as the Best Man. I can’t recall the title or author to save my life, but dash on down to your local independent bookseller and ask them to guide you to the wedding section. The book ought to have good ideas.
shit shit shit shit shit!!
Gatsby, I am so sorry!! I forgot about your toasts!!! I mailed your requests to a friend who speaks better Irish than me, and promptly forgot about them!! shiznit…
I’m glad to here that it went ok.
Scylla, If you have a toast in mind, I could help you with the prounounciation.
Here are some ideas, Syclla…(from Warner’s Complete Book of Wedding Toasts)
Slaynt as shee as Aash dy vea, as Maynry’s on dy Bragh. (Health and peace and ease of life, and happiness forever.)
Plato: Love is the joy of the good, the wonder of the wise, the amazement of the gods.
Sir Walter Raleigh: But true love is a durable fire, in the mind ever burning; never sick, never old, never dead, from itself never turning.
Victor Hugo: The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved, loved for ourselves, or rather loved in spite of ourselves.
Sample toasts (adapt at will):
As I stand here to honor our newlyweds, I think of the these words written many years ago by an unknow author: “Time flies, suns rise and shadows fall. Let time go by. Love is forever over all.” My wish for you, (bride) and (groom), is that your love will forever over all, always abiding over circumstances you will face as a married couple. To your forever-type love.
(Groom’s name), I’ve never seen you happier than you are today, and it’s because of this wonderful woman at your side. (Bride’s name), thank you for making my brother so happy. Please raise your glasses and join me in a toast to a lifetime of happiness for (bride) and (groom).
Benjamin Franklin said that “a single man is an incomplete animal. He resembles the odd half of a pair of scissors.” (Bride) and (groom), it was destiny for you two to meet and fall in love—it couldn’t have been any other way. Following Ben Franklin’s train of thought a bit further—you’re like a perfect pair of precision scissors. Your lives blend together so beautifully—a perfect meld, with your common interests and your ability to meet each other’s needs. As a matter of fact, I think you’re exactly what a married couple should be—a team that accomplishes so much more together than you could have ever done as individuals. I’ so glad you found each other. Here’s to (bride and groom.)
It is my privilege and honor to propose a toast to the newlyweds. John Keats said, “A thing of beauty is a joy forever; its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness.” My wish for you, (bride) and (groom), is that your marriage will be a thing of beauty and a joy forever, always as beautiful as you are today, (bride). May the loveliness of your marriage increase with each year. Here’s to the bride and groom.
Hope this helps!
Veb
You’re welcome! Let us know how it turns out! Good Luck
Veb:
"Slaynt as shee as Aash dy vea, as Maynry’s on dy Bragh. (Health and peace and ease of life, and happiness forever.) "
I think I’m getting something together here. I’ll post it when I’m done.
You don’t happen to have a phonetic version of the above?
(And perhaps a curse in Gaelic against the French, that might come in handy one of these days.)
THanks.
“May you remember to wait a week before introducing her as ‘my first wife’.”
Say “God help you!” while shaking your head.
In Irish? Say “God help ye.”
John, er, TwistofFate, not to worry, in fact I used your suggested quote:
May you be poor in misfortune,
Rich in Blessings,
Slow to make enemies,
And quick to make friends.
But rich or poor, quick or slow, may you know nothing but happiness from this day forward.
No need to apologize, had I tried even a short quote in Gaelic, I surely would have been worse off for my efforts. Thanks again for your suggestions, and a damned good toast to end the speech!
May all your problems be Little Ones.
Unless you are a very, very good speaker don’t even attempt to improvise. There have been several lovely pre-fab speeches suggested here. There are also a number of ‘toast’ books available at your nearest library or bookstore – even some that are dedicated to wedding toasts. If you want to personalize the toast (a nice idea if you are up to it), sit down and approach it as a writing assignment. Do some brainstorming – is there a cute family story about your brother you could work into the speech? Or maybe a little anecdote about the bride and groom – how they met, or something. Start with a greeting to the guests, then the cute story or anecdote, then welcome the bride to your family and end with one of the short one-line quotes from this thread, or from a toast book. It doesn’t have to be at all elaborate – most people hate long speeches anyway. A little gentle ribbing is okay, but be nice! This is no time for off-color or mean-spirited humor. I’ve never given a wedding speech but I’ve helped my husband and several friends write them. Here’s a quick example of my form, using my brother and his wife as proxies.
“Hello everyone. Looking at my brother and his lovely bride, I’m reminded of what our late grandmother used to say – ‘Any girl marrying Troy will have to be either a saint or an idiot.’ I can’t tell you all how pleased we were when he managed to find the former instead of the latter! Mary, welcome to our family. Everyone, lift your glasses: Mary and Troy, may the best day of your single life be worse than the worst day of your married life.”
Whether you write your own or choose a pre-fab toast, memorize the darn thing! And practise it, practise it, practise it. Take a note card in case you get stuck, but don’t just read it off the card, memorize it. Good luck and let us know how you do.
Gaelic curse against the french, eh?
in pronouncable English words
“Kneel Ain Amadawn ach aon Amadawn Frakeesh”
There’s no fool like a french fool
(ok, ir paraphrased frome something else, but you get the meaning)