A niece has just announced that she will be getting married this year, and that she’d picked the venue – a church. Which sounds like it shouldn’t be remarkable at all, but I went back through my memories and realized that, of the last dozen or so weddings (spanning 30 years), only 2 have been in churches. The others (including my own) were in hotels, vineyards, golf courses, parks, mansion grounds…
My friends & family are neither militantly atheistic nor fundamentally religious – just a basic cross-section of the general public, probably.
Lerner & Lowe didn’t write “I’m getting married in the morning – get me to the golf course on time”, but is the old-fashoned church wedding dead? Is my experience typical? Where have you all been going to weddings lately?
I have been to five weddings in the last 5 years or so, and will go to three more in the next few months. Of these, 6 were or will be in a church (including my own, although I am an atheist) and 2 were not. I suspect my background and friends/family are similar to yours, though I’m in the UK.
I’ve only been to two weddings in a church, and one was an interfaith ceremony (they had both a priest/minister and a rabbi).
It’s expensive renting two venues, one for ceremony and one for reception – plus the practice of having two venues is considered inconvenient to the guests. Since most religions don’t mandate an in-religious-building wedding (I think only Catholics care a whole lot) many people who do have a religious officiant choose to avoid that expense and annoyance.
In the UK until recently the only choices were a church and the town hall; you couldn’t have a religious officiant in a non religious setting. Not sure of the rules for secular officiants but I don’t think they had such a thing as of 2008 when I got married. In the UK a church is the default choice as far as I’m aware.
I’ve been going to a lot of weddings lately. It’s been a mix of churches, hotels, restaurants, beaches and historical venues. None really stands out as predominant.
It used to be much more common, just anecdotally + personal experience. There was a custom (which I haven’t seen observed in decades) that the wedding party & guests would drive in a procession from the ceremony to the reception, with the lead car decorated, honking their horns.
Our wedding, just over a year ago, was in a UU church but my wife was raised Catholic and I’m Jewish. It was convenient, pretty, and had a kick-ass pipe organ. We brought a JP to perform the ceremony.
The last few I’ve attended were at a vineyard in California, in fields (one in NH and one in VT), and on a mountain top in NH.
None of the last four I’ve been to have been in a church, though one of the couples was reasonably religious. No make that 0 out of 5 - while submitting my daughter’s marriage license to be copied at the county hall, a couple got married at the window right next to me.
The vast majority of weddings I’ve been to in the last decade have been in churches. Mine was in a church, even though I’m an atheist (It was my MIL church, and it was UU, so it was low-key).
What is more odd to me is when the wedding venue and the reception venue are not in walking distance. I’ve had a few of those to attend lately, and it’s quite annoying to do the “alright, weddings over, let’s jump in the car to have the cake”. I mean, I understand wanting to have a nice venue, and I understand wanting to have your wedding in your home church, but can they really not be the same place?
I’m sorta the wrong age group for weddings; most of my friends’ kids aren’t quite old enough yet.
But of the last 10-ish weddings wife & I can remember attending over the last 10-15 years, almost all were in churches although by and large the bride & groom weren’t particularly religious. Two weddings were held in a banquet hall or hotel ballroom with the reception right there alongside.
The fact the area we lived in then had lots and lots of very old very fancy churches certainly helped make them attractive venues.
OTOH, from about 2003-2013 we lived near a park which had a lovely gazebo / amphitheater by a lake with a fountain. Many weekends during the nice part of the year somebody got married there. But nobody we knew.
I’ve been to 5 wedding in the past 18 months, 2 of which, I officiated. Two were in churches; one was at a country club; one was at an inn; and one was in a wooded pasture. The ones I officiated were in a church and at the country club.
Off hand I can think of only 2 weddings I’ve ever attended in my life which were held anywhere other than a church, and both were presided over by ministers.
I think I’ve been to something like 10 weddings in my life (two of them being my own). I can only recall one that was in a church. I can think of two that were in chapels, although the ceremonies were non-religious. One of them was a drive-through wedding in Vegas.
Of the 20 or so I’ve been to, it’s 50-50 on church vs elsewhere for the actual ceremony. Most of the church ones were family or work colleagues, most of the friends’ ones (and mine) were at the reception party venue, be it wine farm, guest lodge or restaurant.
The wisteria covered arch to our garden has been the site of two weddings- officiated by a lay person. Youngest is now divorced from #1, and has remarried at the dining room table (official US paperwork), and the reception and a more ceremonial event will take place in Tulum (Mexico) in March, a six hour flight away (plus, I’m told, a two hour drive). They will be accompanied by their three children, and I’m tickled to peaches about it Plus I get to walk her down the aisle, aka path to the beach.
We were married in a building NEXT to a church by an actual Baptist minister (34 years ago) mostly because the minister was a high school classmate, and churches were where you got married if you were respectable, per my inlaws. (They pretty much ignored the previous ten-eleven years of “living in sin”.
My niece is getting married this summer. My mother insisted that it be a proper Catholic church wedding or she wouldn’t attend. Naturally, my sister and my niece caved.
Interestingly, my brother and one sister were both married in proper Catholic weddings, and both divorced - one in 7 years, one in less than 2. I eloped at a notary’s office (they can officiate in Florida) and we’ve been married 31 years. Yep, the venue is so critical… :rolleyes:
The last wedding I attended was my daughter’s (doomed) one - held in a community center almost 7 years ago. Apart from me and my daughter, everyone in the family did the church wedding thing.
That’s apparently very dependent on location.Most of the weddings I’ve been to involve a church for the ceremony and a catering hall for the reception. A few involved the ceremony being held in a chapel at the catering hall, and a couple were held in backyards. What I have never seen is a reception held at a church or associated building. But then again, receptions here are more than “having the cake”.
My weddings were in a college chapel (not really a church, though) and in a friend’s back yard.
Haven’t been to one in a while (I’ve reached the age where friends are more likely to have funerals, alas), but the last one was definitely not at a church.
Plus I get to walk her down the aisle, aka path to the beach.