A. and I are getting married next year. We’re writing our own vows.
I’m looking for advice on how to get started brainstorming my wedding vows. The wedding is very non-traditional, and I want the vows to reflect our relationship, but I have all these disconnected ideas about what I want to say, but I’m not sure where to start.
Any ideas? It’s been a long time since I’ve had to brainstorm something.
Well, then, brainstorm already. 
Brainstorming is a simple technique. You just sit down (alone or with SO or even others if you like) and come up with ideas. Write them down. Nothing is too silly or whatever to go on the list. The key is to not censor yourselves (or each other). e you have a reasonable list, winnow down the ideas. You will be left with the core concepts. Go from there.
For us, we got concepts first, then worried about form. The form we chose was to both say the same things in the beginning (Name, I love you so much.) and the end (Here, in the presence of those we love and who love us, I promise to…). In the middle were the concepts we brainstormed (how happy we were to have found each other, etc.).
Hope this helps.
The SO and I agreed that we’re writing our own vows when we finally take the plunge. We’re going to make it short, sweet and personal. So maybe if you included inside jokes or something sweet that’s just between you and your soon-to-be hubby, it’ll be a more intimate profession. But that’s just what we’re doing.
Do whatever makes you both happy.
I’m afraid I have little advice on the actual question asked, but I wanted to chime in with something that my husband and I did at our wedding, which worked out really well for us. We each wrote our own vows separately. We had the officiant check them to be sure that they wouldn’t sound weird next to each other, but other than that, no one heard or saw them before the actual wedding. He explained what we had done as we got to that part of the wedding, so everyone knew that we were hearing each other’s vows for the first time. It was absolutely incredible. (I had the tougher job, since I went second, and had to not cry during his, at least not enough to forget my own.) One guest commented that the force field between us at that point was so powerful, he was surprised that the officiant was able to force the microphone into it.
Interesting factoid: our vows differed significantly in structure and tone, but were virtually identical in substantive content.
Looking back over my post, I realize that I do have one piece of advice - if you have an officiant, discuss the vows with him/her. S/he may be able to provide a good starting point for you as you figure them out.
Think about bits of poetry and song lyrics that you might incorporate.
What sort of things can you really promise? What sort of promises would be important to your mate? Do you want to include other members of the family?
Be sure to write in your own “voice.”
I just got married in October, and we wrote our own vows. They were actually very short (mine shorter than his - typed, they were just about 3-4 lines). The thing is, we basically wrote the entire ceremony to reflect how we felt about each other, love and marriage, etc. Our officiant gave us several examples of ceremonies and we cut and paste them together, and changed wording, and added things as we wanted them to be. We made the ceremony bilingual, since we both speak French and English and wanted our famlies to be comfortable with it (some speak more or less of one language vs the other).
i was very simple in my vows. I didn’t stress too much about them, I just said some honest things about our relationship and our dreams with each other. He did the same, recognizing the sacrifices i made for him and promising things for the future when we move to a better place for both of us. There was even quite a bit of ad libing (sp?) because as I started saying the few things I’d typed, more and more just came to mind. I didn’t say anything rehearsed, I just talked to him, like I always do, only now 100 other people were watching! hehehe It was wonderful.