I find it pretty goddamned funny that John Grey and Barbara DeAngelis (the female John Grey equivalent), who both supposedly have all the answers when it comes to relationships, have both been divorced.
That’s the thing. . .They had all the answers, but there spouses did not. For ultimate success, marry yourself and only yourself.
John Grey really irritates the hell out of me. . .to the point that I wish this were in the Pit so that I can say what I really think of him. I think he screws up a lot of relationships because people go into relationships expecting the other person to conform to what Grey and his ilk with their fancy titles and authoritative writing styles (no shades of meaning: Men are. . ., Women are. . ) have told them, and when reality turns out to be completly different, which of course it is, they get very confused and it takes a whole lot of pondering to get it straightened out. That is why MarkSerlin makes me so angry. He buys into this whole shtick and thinks it shows some sort of higher awareness.
I think of a marital disagreement as like riding a bike uphill, and a fight as being when the bike chain is really rusty. So no, fighting isn’t required for a marriage, it’s easier to settle disagreements without fighting, but it’s better to settle disagreements than to pretend they don’t happen. If you pretend you don’t have any disagreements, you’ll just end up riding around in circles.
Okay, I think my similes are starting to wear thin.
Some of John Grey’s stuff is right on the money, but in general he irritates the hell out of me, too. Maybe we should start a pit war. My biggest beef with him is that he takes the attitude that the woman has a goal in mind (Marriage and Children) and that SHE should make all the changes necessary to catch herself a man.
Example: Grey says that men like to go “into the cave” to work things out. Women tend to be the opposite - they want to talk things out. In general, I agree with this. I’ve seen this in my own relationships.
Grey’s solution, on the other hand, basically says “The woman should ALWAYS let the man go into his cave, and wait patiently for him to come out. The woman must be understanding to a man’s natural tendency to do this.” Why the f$#@! is that?!? Why isn’t he telling the MAN that a woman usually likes to talk things out, and that he should resist his natural impulse to go into his cave and just TALK to her?
This is just one example… after you read several of them it’s truly sickening. Women must bend over backwards to understand and put up with male behavior. Men should not even attempt to change their behavior for women. Period.
Athena, ah is it any wonder Inever see him on tv with a woman?
Just to repeat my point, as some people may have misunderstood. I’m not talking about not disagreeing, I’m talking about not fighting. No name calling, no yelling, no scrapping.
Zette
Love is like popsicles…you get too much you get to high.
Not enough and you’re gonna die…
Click here for some GOOD news for a change Zettecity
16+ years married. 2+ years dating/engaged.
1 incident of actual raised voices–lasted about one statement apiece.
We don’t even bicker. (We do disagree.)
I got all my fighting out of my system with my siblings; I think Deb did too. Now we just grind our teeth when our kids fight.
Tom~