One morning in late March of this year, I noticed an orange on the side of the road on my way to work. It was big and fat and orange and stood out amongst the dry grass and rocks. It was hard to miss. I live in Massachusetts, so it’s not like we have giant trucks full of oranges driving around, and it made me wonder how an orange would end up on the side of the road like that. Did someone throw a perfectly good orange out the car window? Did it accidentally fall out of someone’s car somehow? What series of events led up to an orange on the side of the road? I ponder these things on the way to work in the morning.
While my orange started out big and bright and full of orangey cheer, I have watched it transform into something that looks like, well, like a rotten orange.
Once the weather started getting warm, my orange was clearly unhappy. She (yes, she’s a girl orange) developed a large black spot on her now-fading orange skin. I was getting kind of sad, because, you know, I was getting used to seeing her every morning.
I started making regular Orange Reports to Odieman. (I’m pretty sure that he thinks I’m insane.)
Anyway, one day on my way home from work, I see a flash of orange out of the corner of my eye. It’s another orange! On the side of the road! I couldn’t believe it!
So now I had a morning orange and an evening orange. I say ‘had’ because my evening orange didn’t last very long, only about a month. He was sitting in a grassy area and someone cut the grass and killed him. (Yes, it was a him. Don’t ask how I know, I just do)
Why an orange? Why not an apple, or a banana? Why 2 different oranges, at 2 different locations, just sitting on the side of the road? How is that possible? Are there oranges all over Massachusetts, just sitting on the sides of roads? Does it happen anywhere else? My mind is boggled.
I’m gonna miss my orange when she finally rots away to nothing.
I used to post at wrestlingdotcom.com’s forums and that gif was in one of the member’s signatures.
** Pig **
The place where I work is surrounded by farm land. One early summer day about a year ago, me and my friends went outside to have a smoke and about 30 feet from the door,in the middle of the parking lot are two pigs. Fighting to the apparent death.
I live where it floods and one winter, it was flooding, and my neighbor got out the canoe and took me and my sisters canoeing down the river. This river now included the top part of several houses. On the top of one house sat a chicken. Now, two things come to mind in this senerio.
How did he get there? There wasn’t anyway for him to get up there unless he was just floating around in the water until it reached the roof. Or maybe, while the owners were evacuating the house they couldn’t bring their beloved chicken with them so they put him up on the roof, where he would, presumably, be safe.
Why do I care? When is a chicken on the roof going to matter in the grand sceme of things, and yet, it is still a question that I ponder far more often then the question of how to end world hunger. Go fig.
Let’s see…this was about two years ago. My friends and I used to get together to play volleyball on occasion, and we would go out for fast food afterwards.
So one fine day, we were sitting at Taco Bell after volleyball, and one of the guys randomly said, “A guy walked by my dorm last night.” This wasn’t that odd of a thing for him to say, so we asked him if there was anything special about this guy. “Yeah,” he says, “this guy had a stop sign.” We laughed, and forgot about it.
Two weeks later, we were playing volleyball again, and we were short some people, so one of my other friends brought a guy he knew. Somehow, the subject of the guy who walked by the dorm came up. The new guy immediately started asking about all the details, and after about two minutes it came out that he was the one carrying the stop sign.
I saw my first real life feral alligator last week (bet there aren’t too many of those in Amsterdam). It would have been a lot cooler if the guy driving the car had seen it too - now the poor guy is just a handbag waiting to happen
You know those green plastic quart-sized baskets that strawberries are sold in?
I was driving down the freeway shortly after a truck carrying those evidently exploded. Green plastic everywhere! There were whole ones in the bushes, shredded ones piled up between lanes, it looked like it had snowed in Grinchville.
One night my girlfriend and I were playing around with her cat “Newt”. Newt loved to sqeeze her way into my briefcase and use it a base of operations for her attacks.
Well as she was sticking her paw out to swipe my girlfriend, Newt’s elbow got caught on the edge of the briefcase the the lid closed down on her arm. It wasn’t with much force, but enough to “pop” her little cat arm out of the socket.
I could tell by the sound coming from inside the briefcase that Newt was not a happy camper and when I opened the case up we saw why. Her arm was popped out of her shoulder and just dangling over the edge of the briefcase.
My girlfriend FREAKED! Of course, this meant I had to do something, but what? This is definately something “I” don’t see everyday. Not even on E.R.!
So with little knowledge of feline anatony, and armed with memories of “Lethal Weapon, Part 1” (where Mel slams his shoulder into a wall to pop his shoulder back in place), I grabbed Newt by the scruff of the neck, then grabbed her dangling arm, and with one quick motion I slammed it back into place til I heard a pop.
I was sure it wouldn’t work, but much to my suprize, Newt stood up, looked up at me as if to say “You just earned one less hairball in your shoe, my man”, and walked away meowing.
So to Mel, I thank you, and my girlfriend’s pussy thanks you.
Who ever said that watching Lethal Weapon movies wasn’t educational never met Linear Crack.
I have a friend who was riding his motorcycle along an ocean road, having a fine time when soemthing fell out of the sky and whaked him in the chest. It was a FISH! The only thing we could figure was that some sea bird had caught himself a fish dinner when he lost his grip and, well, my friend had to explain the strange bruises on his chest to his wife.
One night I was at a friend’s house and after much smoking and drinking we were all sitting around, just hanging out. This guy walks into the house and asks, “hey, you guys got any firewood?” We all said “no” and the guy walked out. About an hour later, I asked the guy who’s house it was who the firewood guy was. He thought someone else knew him and we thought he knew him. As it turned out noone knew who this guy was. Very strange. To this day I wonder who that guy was.
This next story was told to me by a former boss.A number of years ago he was at a gas station filling up his car and who pulled up next to him but Muhammad Ali.
“Wow,” he thought, “I just have to say something to him.”
So they started chatting and M.Ali asked my former boss if he wanted to see something cool.
Well of course he said yes, I mean who wouldn’t?
Muhammad held his arms out from his sides, bowed his head and proceeded to LEVITATE!! about 3 or 4 inches off the ground apparently. How cool is that? I know it must have been a trick but who cares? Muhammad Ali levitated for him!
My former boss swears its true.
yojimbo and myself were riding a taxi through Dublin. The driver was going on and on about how good a football player he had been in his youth, and how Bugsy himself grabbed him from the Dublin suburbs to play for the big Manchester United, and how he got banned for life from playing Gaelic Football because he was caught playing league football. We basically thought he was just talking a load of bollocks, and thought nothing of it.
The driver continued to say that he frequently met up with lots of very famous (ex-) football players, and how some of them were very close friends.
“Here, look at this. This guy is a very close personal friend of mine.”
He hands us a little booklet. We fold it open. In it - a photo of our driver and no one other than Pele himself!!
Its a great trick, and very easy to do. I’ll put my life savings that Mr. Ali stood with his back to him while he did it.
What you do is turn your back the person, facing a light source. slowly, raise up on your toes with your heels together. When you have raised your heels about 5 cm off the ground, slowly shift your weight onto one foot and lift the toes of the other foot off the ground.
From behind this will give the impression that you have “levitated” about 1 to 2 inches off the ground.
Me, sitting at a bus stop at about three in the morning in Mainz waiting for the first bus to Wiesbaden. The bells on one of the churches ring the hour, and rats run out of their hiding places and scurry back and forth across the street between the bus stop and the train station. When the bells stopped, the rats were gone. Freaky.
Assume rope is around the sheep’s neck when it was planted on the island. Rope had been dropped from window to ground, tied around sheep, which was then put out on island.
Dramatic method: Sheep lassoed. Rope trailed to base of building. Broostick stuck out desired window pointing up at 45[sup]o[/sup] . Fishing line attached to arrow. Arrow shot over pole. Line grasped by accomplice at window. Rope tied to other end of line and drawn up. (also usable for rope bridges)
You that concerned with lassoing sheep? Social life been that slow?
Doesn’t wash, lurkernomore. A valid explanation in some cases, but not here.
The 3030 cm windows only tilt backwards about 30 degrees in their frames. They are joint at the bottom of the frame. So you have basically a 305 cm slit, at 2.30 meters of the ground, to guide your rope through. Granted, some sort of shoot-arrow-with-rope-to-ground trick COULD be done. But the broomstick-reversal-theory won’t work.
And even IF the arrow trick was used, the shooter on the 14th floor would have to cover about 30 meters horizontally over a 35 meter drop to make the island. All this whilst transporting an ever heavier end of orange industrial type rope. You’d need a powerful crossbow or something.
