Weird things my mother would say

[Nyvaak]

So many great lines in here. I just wish I’d read them while my kids were smaller.

My mom, when tired or just plain overwhelmed, would often give forth with “Oy, oy, Misheldye. The way he walked, you’d think he was a gawk.”

I don’t know where it came from, what it means or why being fatigued brought it to her mind. It wasn’t something she made up; my brother once heard a (near) stranger say the same in a crowded hallway. When I asked, she always said, “my Uncle Eddie used to say it” So: Long Island ca. 1930s. One of life’s little mysteries, I guess.

I hope listing it here perpetuates it.

[ThelmaLou]

@Johanna

Dad: “I used to complain about not having any shoes. Until I met a man without any feet.”

A variation:

“I wept because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no class.”

[GESancMan]

@Moriarty

if you said something to my uncle and he didn’t hear you clearly he’d respond with “kiss what?”

Not my dad, but a close family friend growing up - my second dad, I suppose - would say “your what hurts?” I have subesequently used that for most of my life.

[hogarth]

@Moriarty

If I hurt myself: “too far from your heart to die!”

Apparently the heart is the only vital organ…

If one of us kids said we had a headache, my dad would nod wisely and say “Amputation is the only cure”.

[CaptMurdock]

@Quondam_Mechanic

“If you don’t do well, in school, you’ll grow up to be a shit-shoveler in the circus.”

Great comeback: “I’ve always wanted to be in show business!”

Mommie Dearest’s favorite expression when one of us did something she considered dumb: “Why don’t you use your head for something besides a hat rack?!”

[The_Other_Waldo_Pepper]

@solost

How about ‘weird things my Grandmother would say’? My Scottish Grandma had a lot of sayings that I’ve never heard anywhere else. There are many, but I can only think of a couple off the top of my head right now:

“Who’s ‘she’, the cat’s mother?”

Apparently my father was your grandmother.

[solost]

Interesting. Was your father Scottish?

[The_Other_Waldo_Pepper]

In the way that Americans will say they’re Scottish if one of their ancestors is Scottish, yeah. So maybe he got it from a parent who got it from a parent who…

[Mk_VII]

Who’s ‘she’, the cat’s mother?

I’ve had this from my cousin.

[Ludovic]

My mother sometimes would come home from work early and say that she got “laid off” and I temporarily panicked, but what she really meant was that she got sent home early because business was slow. Apparently some people do use it that way, but I’m glad that it’s not that many because it can be quite confusing.

[HeyHomie]

The mother of a high school girlfriend, when asked “what’s for supper,” would say, “shit sandwiches; how many do you want?”

Mrs. Homie’s mother, when seeing one of her children getting angry, would say, “you can get glad in the same pants you got mad in.”

[Kimstu]

@furryman

My mom claimed it used to be called Sparrow Grass. (Back in the 30’s)

Your mom is correct. (“Your momma’s so correct,…” )

Nicholas Culpeper, for example, headed an entry in his herbal of 1653 as “Asparagus, Sparagus, or Sperage”, thus covering all bases.

Non-scholars had trouble with asparagus and did what the medieval Latin writers had done — leave off the unstressed initial vowel, so making it sparagus again. But they went one step further, converting it by folk etymology into forms that seemed to make more sense, either sparagrass or sparrowgrass. The latter form became common in the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries: […]

In the eighteenth century sparrowgrass was so much the standard and polite term that John Walker commented in his Critical Pronouncing Dictionary in 1791: “‘Sparrow-grass’ is so general that ‘asparagus’ has an air of stiffness and pedantry”.

@The_Other_Waldo_Pepper

@solost

My Scottish Grandma had a lot of sayings that I’ve never heard anywhere else […]

“Who’s ‘she’, the cat’s mother?”

Apparently my father was your grandmother.

This one apparently dates to late-Victorian UK English.

And yeah, it’s traditionally intended to convey a rebuke to (especially) a child for referring to (usually) an adult woman simply by pronoun, instead of identifying her by name and title.

[Dung_Beetle]

@HeyHomie

The mother of a high school girlfriend, when asked “what’s for supper,” would say, “shit sandwiches; how many do you want?”

I thought I invented that one too, although your girlfriend’s mother said it better!
Someone would always moan, whatever I answered regarding dinner. So I started just saying, “Poop.”

[LavenderMagnolia]

In an episode of Married With Children, a character said “I lamented that I had no shoes, until I met the man who sold them.”

[thorny_locust]

@ThelmaLou

In response to an insincere apology, my mother would say, “Sorry doesn’t feed the Admiral’s cat.

My mother used to say “Sorry doesn’t fix it.”

I found that infuriating at the time, especially because I was usually actually sorry at the moment; but it occurred to me years later that a. for most things she was right and b. I was probably apologizing for doing basically the same thing that I’d apologized for multiple times before.

@furryman

My mom claimed it used to be called Sparrow Grass. (Back in the 30’s)

I’ve heard that, but I can’t remember from whom, Not my parents, though.