I remember watching TV and wondering how the actors (I knew that they were just pretending) could go so long without having to take a bathroom break. I never saw any actor go to the bathroom. It never occurred to me that nobody wanted to see them doing that so it was never written into the script.
When spring would come and the snow had been melted for a few weeks, there always seemed to be an explosion of rabbits. My mother convinced me that the rabbits were spies for the Easter Bunny and taht they reported back to him. So, if I wanted to get an Easter basket full of candy I had better behave.
My mother told me that she and her sisters convinced their youngest sister that black was white and white was black.
Anyone else notice the high number of newbies or people that haven’t posted much before this subject?
I used to think that all babies were born by c-section because my little brother was. I asked my mom if Joseph had to cut Mary open with an axe or saw to get the baby Jesus out. She told me that he did.
I knew a man who was well over 40 before he discovered that the G-clef found in music wasn’t called Mister G-Clef. His second wife wised him up.
[li]I posted this in another thread months ago. I used to believe in poltergeists, because of that “Scary Tales to Tell in the Dark 3” book. It’s a book that has these scary tales accompanied by bizarre pictures. It talked about how sometimes adolescents, with all the stress, and the problems, and the hey hey it hurts, become poltergeists and things start moving and exploding in their houses. It told a “true” story and spoke of it as though it was all very true. I was about eight or nine and convinced that it would, or at least, could happen to me when I got older. (I’m still not sure how I got through without become neurotic.)[/li]
[li]The baby thing. I learned about sperm and egg in sixth grade, but maybe I just was too tramutized to accept the truth. For some reason, I just assumed that sex was sleeping together and somehow the sperm and the egg found each other. Though sometimes I did wonder. I think deep down I kind of knew, but wouldn’t let myself think about it. About a year later, when I looked up intercourse in the dictionary, I found out.[/li]
Other strange things-
I convinced my brother once (actually last year), that whiplash was when your neck fell off. I think he repeated it to the folks, though. Then I did explain it to him.
I used to think that, when the school day was over, the teachers stayed behind and slept in the school. I had visions of them folding up camp beds each morning, ready for the kids to arrive. It didn’t occur to me that they actually had homes to go to.
When I asked my mother where babies came from, she told me that a woman became pregnant by wishing for a baby. I believed this until I was eight, I’m ashamed to say. When I found out the truth, I was horrified. The first time I saw a cat and a dog mating, I thought they were just playing piggy-backs.
My father used to always tell me that, if I picked my nose, my face would cave in. I still couldn’t resist doing it, but I always “rationed” it, just in case what he said was true. And I was always wary of having potatoes growing in my ears, too. And I believed my brother when he told me that swallowing orange pips would cause oranges to grow in my stomach.
On Christmas Eve, my parents used to leave out a glass of milk for Santa. When I asked why they didn’t leave brandy, they told me it was because Santa mustn’t drink and drive. The real reason was that milk was cheaper than brandy
I believed that when famous people said the call letters of your local stations in ads, those letters were pieced together from tape of the actor reciting the alphabet…I mean, sure Lee Majors, with all of his bionic world saving, didn’t have the time to record an ad for a PoS television in Pensacola, Florida…
I used to think that Mobile, Alabama was a huge city, since most of the tv and radio stations came from there…Granted, its bigger than Pensacola, but I was thinking it was like New York or something…
I thought that all televisions shows were, while not real themselves, they were based on actual events…So, while I didn’t really believe Lee Majors was the 6 million dollar man, I was sure that there was a REAL Steve Austin out there…somewhere…
I thought that the day the China Syndrome opened would be the end of the world…I saw the commercials, but I didn’t realize it was just a movie…
I thought that for some reason, the Strategic Arms Limitation Talks involved firing off all of our missiles…After all, every time they were mentioned there was lots of file footage of missile tests…
I thought that “net weight” meant you weighed the product using a spring balance with the product, suspended in a net, individually. Like individual Cheerios, individually.
I thought the Quaker Oats man was an old woman, too! And I didn’t realize it until just now.
I thought the Cracker Jack sailor was my next door neighbor, Kelly, possibly in one of her majorette outfits (I idolized her.)
I thought the US Post Office eagle logo was the hat that the mail carriers wore. I still see that, when I look at the logo now.
And finally, for some reason, in my mind God looked like the grapes from the Fruit of the Loom commercials (a man dressed up as a bunch of grapes.) I have absolutely no idea where this idea came from.
Okay, I nominate this to be the funniest of all the Weird Childhood Ideas I’ve seen so far. This is totally hilarious, man! And it seems to make some odd kind of sense, too, but I’m not sure why…
My parents told me (and any guests) that our pool drain was inhabited by a monstrous seabeast named Herkimer. He could tear your limbs off and disembowel you in seconds flat. But only if you peed in the pool would he come out. My dad used to seem to enjoy yelling “oh, I see bubbles! Whoever peed better get on out of there!” and then watching the mass exodus from the pool. I’d tread water and watch the drain, imagining I saw bubbles too, and imagine kids bobbing, limbless, using their entrails as pool floats. Since I never peed in the pool, I figured I was safe. I think it’d be handy thing to have a “Herkimer policy” at the local pool–or maybe it’s just me who’s a little wary of adult lap swim after kids free swim.
Ok, the one thing about this post is, you have to remember that I was a kid! Ok, I used to think that there absolutely HAD to be some sex other than boys and girls. My logic was always something like, “Well, there are dragons out there, what if someone gave birth to a dragon, it wouldn’t be a girl or a boy.” Remember, this is 3 or 4 year old logic, and I now know otherwise
But… you know, I never went to church as a child (or as an adult, I guess), so I had no/little knowledge of the Bible. I remember having this idea of God as grapes at the age of three or so.
All this makes me doubt my sanity. In a good way, of course.
I nominate this as the funniest thing I’ve read on this board since…well…yesterday. But still, it’s hilarious. This is better than any of Jack Handy’s Deep Thoughts.
I just remembered this. When I was maybe five or so, I picked a golden poppy in the backyard, and my neighbor (who was about my age) gasped and told me that it was against the law to pick a poppy, and that there were strings attached to the root of every poppy that went to Sacramento, and if you picked one, they’d know. And I totally believed him. I had visions of a big monitoring room with lots of men standing around, like at NASA, making sure no kids were picking poppies. My mom disabused me of this belief not too much later.
It is, of course, illegal to pick a golden poppy in California, as it is the state flower. When in college, my good friend’s boyfriend was from New Hampshire and had no idea. He picked her a little bouquet of poppies. I think he was surprised at how chagrined she was that he would do that. So I am not the only kid brainwashed regarding the poppies - I won’t pick them to this day. (Not that they are very attractive after picking, as they wilt almost immediately.)
When I thought of God, not that I did that that often, I sort of imagined him as the guy on the dime. That would be FDR, but I never thought “God=FDR” just that the guy on the dime looked so wise and god-like. Weird, hm, especially that old joke- God thinks he’s FDR.
Weird, hm, especially that old joke- God thinks he’s FDR.