Well, in some countries it IS illeagal to compare… you have to take a “similar box” and say “better than other brands on the market”… eaven though everybody understands who they are talking about…
of… stuffed animals… I thought they gave the animal an injection WHILE they vere moving, and so they froze. I admired these brave men and women till I understood that they killed the animal too… I am a vegeterian.
jepp jepp… funny kids =D
Hey, elfbabe, about this:
You live around here? How come you never come to dopefests? MADs don’t bite. Much.
“Upon this rock I build my church”. The rock was kryptonite, of course!
When I was little my dad used to tell me that if you unscrewed your belly button your but would fall off so I used to walk around twisting my finger in my belly button to see what would happen.
We used to go camping a lot when I was a kid and my father also told me that there were these monsters called get behinds who were always behind you so when you turned around you couldn’t see them. They stole little kids and took them back to their cave and ate them. So my friends and I used to walk back to back to the bathrooms at night in the camp ground.
Also I had guinea pigs that my brothers would leave on the driveway when my parents and I went camping (they are a lot older so they got to stay home and have keggers). I would come back and be told that the german shepard across the street came over and licked them and they had heart attacks. I believed this until about two years ago (I’m 24) and used to tell my friends this story until one day my mother over heard me and told me the gory truth.
I thought oral sex involved kissing and didn’t tie it to a blow job until I was in my early adolescence. I watched Mermaids with my father and actually asked him what it was and he had me look it up in the dictionary.
My college boyfriend thought that all women got their period on the same week every month.
Why, that would be… social interaction! gasp
Mostly 'cause I don’t actually post around here all that much. Figured people would have no idea of who I am. Though I could wear a nametag that says “Qadgop’s kid” on it… hmmm…
My mom had me believe that diarrhea was a cuss word.
Wonder if he got the idea from the 1957 British broadcast about the Swiss spaghetti harvest.
Gah,
Throw me in the would-be telekenetic’s group (hell, I still try at work, concentrating on holding the doors closed so more stupi…errr…customers can’t come in).
Hmmmm, what else…
Reverse gravity. If everything in the world is being pushed down, why aren’t we crushed? hence, reverse gravity. Which is generated by contact with solid matter beneath our feet. Hence why we fall when we jump off of farm equipment (long story ;P), but don’t get crushed while we’re asleep in bed. And I’ll still prove myself right, damnit. Hell, for a 6 year old, I was fuggin smart 
Man-eating gorilla’s with a tremendous fear of light infesting the basement. I can thank my 16-year-older brother for that one. Just because he didn’t want me getting at his Warrant tapes. Cripes…took me YEARS to not be freaked out by going into the basement, without like 3 flashlights and EVERY light on.
Cat’s always land on their feet. It’s true, I know. But I apologize to dear old Twinkles for putting her through so much agony testing this theory. But she did. Every time. Even at like Mach 5 from 3 feet away. My poor arms got SOOOO scratched. Never hurt her (I hope) but sure did scare her 
Chickadee magazine + overly inquisitive 5 year old = bad karma.
Ahhhh, yes, childhood.
Some repeats of yall’s, but:
Truant Officer, check. I was terrified of these guys patrolling the streets everyday. Even if I was sick, no way was I going outside because not being in school was a crime. The only thing between me and prison was them not finding me.
I was pretty sure there must be space aliens but they only take people they like and they were probably telepathically monitoring us. So I would seriously strain my mind trying to send a telepathic “OK” signal. “It’s ok for you to come take me, I want you to, pleeeeeeeeease” ::scrunching forehead::
When I was three or so, I would hear about the Vietnam War on the news. I had a pretty good, but somewhat vague concept of what a city was and there was our city, then other cities not too far away. I was pretty stressed that the battle front was moving to this city or that city everyday. I figured those cities were on the outskirts of our city. To make matters worse, according to the news we were losing the war. And making matters even worser, the bad guys that were killing our good guys were gorillas. I mean, they never showed gorillas on TV, but they kept saying it…
We were watching a “making of” special on a science fiction movie we liked. They showed this guy laying there with this bloody, gaping wound on his leg and the effects guys were working on it and I asked my mom about it, and what I came to understand is, “yes, they really do create those wounds.” I thought, “no way! I don’t care how famous or rich they get, I’d never become an actor if they have to actually have their leg cut open just for a movie!” I think I was actually disgusted with my mother too. Like, “why are you letting me watch this? I’m a kid, I thought we weren’t supposed to see stuff like this if it was real?”
I had learned about evolution and how humans and animals adapt over time to their changing environment, but missed the thousands and millions of years part. I was a swimmer and would stay in the pool for hours and hours because I figured if I could stay in that environment long enough, I’d evolve gills and webbed hands & feet.
After hearing mom’s stories about the pain of childbirth and having a c-section, I was horrified for a long time that I was going to get pregnant and have to go through that someday. I missed the part about only girls having babies.
I had every intention of marrying my older sister because girls were gross but she was pretty nice so it was the only logical choice. I informed her we were to be married. She was nice and played along 'til I figured it out.
Wish I could tell you when exactly I learned about the birds and bees and what weird thing I was thinking, but I can’t. Apparently it was too traumatic. All I know from my mom and sister’s recollection is that I literally ran out of the house screaming.
Later when I was old enough to hear about such things (sorta) mom told me about homosexuality. “Well what do two guys do,” I asked. Mom said, “well, one man takes the other man’s penis in his mouth and swallows it.” I didn’t bother asking for more detail, I was too horrified. I was thinking, "WHAT?? He bites it off and swallows it?? Why on earth would anyone do that? Pretty sure I’ve told that story here before.
I believed every building had someone living in it.
For example; those little huts at the side of the railway track or motorway, which transport workers use to keep tools, signs and the like? I though each one contained a little man, with a TV, little stove for cups of tea and a bunk bed. Even if there was literally nothing within 10 miles!
Ergh. Just remembered a not-so-pleasant one.
When I was around six, I saw a filmstrip about the holochaust. It was directed towards kids, but probably ones in the 9-13 year-old range. Not only did it somewhat terrify me, but I never picked up on the fact that the holochaust had ended. I spent several years with a fear of being dragged off by Nazis due to my religious beliefs. Still colors things today; I can’t watch movies or television shows that deal with the holochaust without getting very very uncomfortable.
For a long time my sister and I maintained that when you die, you go into a crucifix position with your tongue lolling out, a la Jesus.
I had no concept of accent for a very long time. I just wouldn’t notice if somebody was American, Australian or even a German speaking broken English. And I went to an international school when I was seven!
I thought everybody living in America was black. This was not helped along by the fact that the first American I became friendly with happened to be black (though I had this conviction long before, probably as some sort of confusion with Africa).
Not me, but my cousin thought that their house was called ‘London’. It’s logical – her mother would always talk about going back to London, and they’d come back to the house.
I believed there was a button on this electronic ‘Speak and Spell’ thing that would cause it to explode. Oddly enough, I actually pressed it one day to find it was the mode button needed to unlock half its features. Thinking about that now, that event probably had a strong impact on my willingness to take risks.
That Saddam Hussein was the undisputed most evil man on the planet (I was five during Desert Storm).
My sister claims that I honestly thought I was an ant who had been temporarily transformed into a human being for research purposes (I loved ants). On the other hand, I remember being disappointed that I knew it wasn’t true.
…I was given a Gizmo doll from the movie Gremlins. I wasn’t allowed to watch Gremlins yet (and I don’t think I even saw it until I was about 19) so I didn’t know the story, but my Dad told me never ever to get the doll wet, or he would turn from the cute little big-eared creature that he was into a horrible scaly monster. That doll was never anywhere near the kitchen or the bathroom for years, until Mom took him to be washed. I found him lying on the washing machine, still damp, and began crying and screaming that there would be a monster in the basement soon. I was somewhere near eight, at that time.
I told my younger sister outright lies on a regular basis, because she was so gullible. I clearly remember telling her that if she poured salt on our dog’s tail it would fall off. This was probably to explain where the rest of his tail went, because it was cropped off short.
Speaking of gullible, before I knew what the word meant, I spent about a week looking up at the ceiling of every room I entered, trying to find it written there.
“Hey, it says gullible on the ceiling!”
(the mark looks up) “Where? I don’t see anything!”
Mom finally noticed and told me what it meant.
I always thought my Nana was talking to herself, even though her name isn’t Ida Claire. (“Well, I declare!”)
Now that’s scary, cuz I thought the same exact thing. My Dad was watching the news and there was a report about Palestinian guerrilla fighters (musta been around the time the 73 war). I attribute my assumption to the fact I was in 1st grade and was a huge Planet of the Apes fanatic.
Other elementary school beliefs/assumptions:[ul]
[li]Babies were cut out of the Mother’s stomach.[/li][li]Mannequins had the ability to come to life and consume me.[/li][li]Every morning my Mom came into the room and said, “Up and Adam” as opposed to at em.[/li][li]I was gonna grow a foreskin, like my Dad. [/li][li]Time went by more slowly on schooldays than it did on weekends/summertime.[/li][li]All TV was live (until Batman the series was on Channel 11 & the Movie starring all 4 villians was on Channel 9). [/li][li]The (canned) audience laughter you heard on TV comedies came from microphones hidden in rich people’s TV’s.[/li][li]My ass really did have a crack in it. Every time I said “So?!?” to my grandmother, she’d tell me to, “sew my ass” cuz “it’s cracked”.[/li][li]My Opa’s beer was the worst tasting stuff on the planet.[/li][li]Those little, green G&H stamps were worth something.[/ul][/li]
And I though a blow job was when a girl blew on your nether regions like it was a birthday candle.
[Limbaugh]Ironically, that was just a couple years prior to the Clinton Administration[/Limbaugh]
Again with the telepathy. I actually managed to convince myself I could blow out the flame on a candle at the tender young age of 13. I realized (after about a year of intermittent practice) that I was actually holding the candle where I breathed on it every time I exhaled. And of course I had to be in a very calm state while I used my amazing power, so my breath was fairly light.
I don’t remember how old I was, but I thought a hedgehog was a little bush that walked around on it’s roots and planted itself when it slept. When I finally saw a picture of a hedgehog, I said to myself, “Ooohhhh, it’s a baby porcupine. Why don’t they just call them baby porcupines?”
As for you memory freaks, I often wonder what it’s like to be able to remember my life. I know I did things, but I don’t actually remember doing them. It’s a bit of a blur. 
I also used to be afraid of the dark because I thought there was always something waiting for me. I eventually ruled out monsters as fake, and began to think there were people looking through my windows, or hiding in the closet. At that point, I began keeping large knives near me. I actually became fascinated with blades at this point in my life. If ever I was too suspicious, I would grab a blade and thouroughly search the house. Several times. The best thing about this is, I still think people are watching me, and yes, I still search the house with a large knife. 
Oooh, I thought of some more.
When I was about 12 or so, my dad would take me out driving (we lived in the country, so it was only in pastures or on little-traveled dirt roads). One day he told me that stop signs with a white border were optional. I believed that until I learned otherwise in Driver Education a couple of years later at age 14. Thanks, Dad.
I also believed that it was possible to float from high places and land safely as long as one had an umbrella, al la Jiminy Cricket in Pinnochio.
Like some others have mentioned, I, too, thought that my dolls and stuffed animals had feelings. They all had a rotation when it came time to sleep with me at night.
I remember thinking that my mom and dad were named “Mom” and “Dad.” I don’t think I realized they had actual names until I was about six or seven years old. Same thing with the grandparents.
I thought cartoon characters were just as real as people, and that all television programs were taking place live.
I remember singing along with Paul McCartney’s “Man On The Run,” except I thought he said, “Man’s got the runs.” My mom about fell out of her chair when she heard me. I must have been about nine or 10.
I took the whole “If you’re home alone and someone calls, don’t tell them you’re home alone because they might come and kidnap you.”
I lived at least 20 miles out in the country, in the middle of nowhere. There was no crime whatsoever. I also didn’t know that telemarketers existed, so on days that I was sick, or during the summer I’d get a call asking for my mom or dad, and like a good kid, I’d tell them “I’m sorry, she’s busy right now and can’t talk.” Then, I’d spend the rest of the day ducking under windows and suspiciously watching any car that came by.
I also believed that Sprout (Green Giant’s little buddy) lived in my closet and wanted to kill my family. I dreamed that he was in there and ran out, laughing evilly, and then set fire to my house and I was the only one that escaped. I think I was 4 or 5 when I had this dream, and I couldn’t sleep unless that door was closed after that.
My mom told me that if you made weird faces, your face would freeze like that, so I’d try and try, but it never froze.
Also, when I was small, my aunt told me that when you pick your nose and eat it, your boogers turn to worms in your stomach. Ended that little habit pretty quickly.
OK, I must hold the record for holding a childhood belief the longest. :o Actually, not a belief, because I knew nearly from the beginning that I must have been wrong, but an impression. Still, :o .
I was watching the Concert for George (Harrison) yesterday when one of the performers mentioned the Albert Hall. I was very young when the song Day in the Life came out, probably in the first or second grade. The line about counting the holes in Albert Hall always sticks in my mind when I hear it. Back then, for some reason, I’d always imagined them counting holes in acoustical tiles. Tiles like the ones you see in the ceilings of schools and offices. Watching the concert yesterday made me realize a venerable old building like that would not have acoustical tiles! It only took me nearly 40 years! :o LOL!
By the way, someone explained to me that the holes the song refered to the many potholes in the area roads at the time. They weren’t in the building at all. Again with the :o and LOL!