That’s actually one of my main diet techniques. I never have much food at home and it’s such a apin in the ass to go to my favorite grocery store and fight the crowds. So on the weekends, I’ll scrounge a meal of maybe an apple and some popcorn.
Oh, and my lazy way to lose weight is to have a horrible break up. Last time that happened I dropped twenty pounds in a couple weeks…
Give birth.
Seriously. I lost over 20 pounds in one day doing that!
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the Poverty Diet. It’s the best way. I’ve already lost 10 pounds so far on it.
Of course, if you have too much money to go on the Poverty Diet, I’m weaning off it now, so I could um, hold it for you for a while if you need me to.
Become an alcoholic or addict- they always seem really skinny. Or experiment and try eating things around the house and seeing what happens. Isn’t soap a laxative?
I got braces at 27 and lost about 25 pounds. I lived on soup for a good 2 months.
Wear white. Some say it makes you eat slower and more carefully for fear of getting visible food on yourself. Eating slower makes you full faster I guess.
Get a job that makes you move around alot, not too much, but enough.
Eat lots of celery. Unless I’m wrong, celery has negative calories. It takes more energy to chew and digest than you gain from it, because cellulose in indigestable in humans. That’s what I heard at least.
Also, only eat when you’re really hungry, and stop when you’re full. Way too many people just eat when “it’s time to” and stop when the food on their plate is gone. Not good.
Fall madly in love with someone who lives 400 miles away. Talk to her on the phone the second you get home until you pass out asleep, leaving no time for dinner. Pine mightily and finish only a quarter of whatever’s on your plate. Run up and down the stairs, compulsively checking your email. Go for lots of walks because you’re so preoccupied. As a result, lose 15 lbs. Look better in skimpy undies than when you were 20.
Have her move down, get married, have a blast cooking together and gain it all back. Like her, fail to care 
.
Don’t drink water, eat ice instead.
Easiest way to lose weight? Too lazy to pick up the phone to order pizza. Too lazy to go buy food, or get any out of the fridge.
Arrange a pmass rotest in the capital of any country who’s official name contains the words “People’s” or “Democratic Republic.”
Any way it goes, you’re going to end up missing some meals.
have a tall, frosty glass of ipecac with every meal.
If your a non-smoker; take up smoking.
Also you could take a couple of Primatine (Asthma pills) tablets ever couple of hours or so.
Of course you’ll probably die of liver poisoning in a couple of years. But hey, at least you’ll look good at your funneral.
Donate blood. It will cost you a lot of valuable nutrients and some calories to refill that half litre again.
Breastfeed a baby.
Get to like a certain sport, so it won’t cost any willpower to go excercising. It can be done, even for people like me. I thought Highschool Phys-Ed had killed my sports enthusiasm for ever. Then I (re)discovered the gym, which isn’t quite the Vanityland it used to be. Maybe I got older and less body selfconsious as well, but I go there now two-three times a week, and excercize in my plain old sprotsclothes, just because it feels so nice. I don’t even care if I lose weight anymore, I just feel better doing it. And I get a kind of rewarding high (not endorphines, something else) that makes it worthwhile. Who’d have thougth?
Take a really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really big dump.
Add more fiber to your diet. This one really works, and assuming you make sure you get enough water to go with it, is healthy too. That “orange powder” stuff sold as a “bulk forming laxative” is one way to add fiber. Note that other forms of laxatives are NOT safe for extended periods, but “bulk forming laxatives” are just extra fiber.
Drink a couple- three large glasses a day. Make damn sure you drink enough water with it.
There’s always Cancer.
Slim-Fast. That’s how this lazy person managed to lose weight. You don’t have to think about what you want to eat for breakfast or lunch, which is great. It’s important that the Slim-Fasts be more easily accessible than any other food- that way, it takes thought and effort to cheat on your diet, and neither to stick to it.
Contract AIDS that turns into full blown HIV.
Might be a leeeeeeetle severe.
Kid 1: Want to lose 10 pounds of ugly fat?
Kid 2: Sure!
Kid 1: Cut off your head.
Cracked me up every time.