Obviously this isn’t looking for medical advice…
What are lazy ways to lose weight for someone who has only this as an aim. Obvious thoughts: eating a couple of tapeworms, becoming addicted to an opioid, eating far too many laxatives.
The main criteria should be that the method requries almost no self discipline.
Lose yourself on a desert island with plenty of freshwater.
Getting braces as an adult worked for me. When your mouth hurts, you don’t want to even think about food.
You could arrange to develop lymphocytic colitis. That’s a lot of fun. It results in getting diarrhea several times a day. After a while you don’t want to eat, either, since you know that’ll land you on The Pot for a spell. The downside is you lose a lot of nutrients, too. And of course if you eventually get over it the weight will bounce upwards like a super ball and you will weigh even more than before you got sick.
Break your jaw.
Cut off a body part.
Just kidding. But actually, no worse an idea than the preceding suggestions.
Find a doctor with no ethics and have lipo several times a year.
Have someone else lock you in a room with only a sink and a toilet. Don’t let them unlock the door for a week or two weeks or a month, depending on how much you want to lose.
Radiation poisoning. Might also have the side benefits of giving you super powers.
Get an infected wisdom tooth.
Contract giardia. A friend of mine did it on a backpacking trip. It took 4 months to knock the bug out for good. In that time he dropped 40 pounds. He also produced the foulest farts I’ve ever had the misfortune to encounter.
Catch malaria. I lost over 20 pounds in two weeks. My mother was completely panicked, and I thought I was going to die for a while.
Quit eating alltogether.
Seriously, develop a lazy streak so wide, actually aquiring food becomes too much damn work.
Which isn’t too much of a stretch. I’m mean, you’re all the way over here, and food’ all the way over there…
I wanted to start a thread sort of like this. I thought of some:
Live on a diet of nothing but Splenda and Olestra. Mmmm, frosting …
Get exercise by having sex.
For men:
Withdraw 2 seconds after ejaculation – 4 calories
Withdraw 2 seconds prior to ejaculation – 189384 calories
Go to a low-gravity environment like the Moon.
(You didn’t say you wanted to lose mass…)
Then I have to go back packing… nah…
But…
I’m up for that. Do they sell it mail order, or do I have to make it myself?
Unfortunately, according to the gastro doctor I saw, nobody really knows where it comes from. It just is. They don’t really know how to stop it, either, except for large doses of Pepto Bismol for a couple of months often (but not always) works. If all else fails, Immodium provides temporary relief. It’s not likely to get any significant research funds real soon, either, since it’s comparatively rare, and treatable with OTC products.