There are few things that can cause such an intensely disgusted reaction in me other than your all-American, chubby-cheeked little spokespeople whining and smarming at me about how great your fucking grape juice is and “Welch’s concord grapes, silly!!!” Everything about these ads is vile and insufferable, from the set (a table with juice on it, a kid, and a white background - inexplicably, this upsets me) to the “actors” to the lines and their soul-witheringly “cutesy” delivery.
Even my dear sweet old grandmother hated your commercials before she passed away, and she was an Ann Geddes fan.
Your commercials make me a horrible person and they seal my fate in Hades, because at least once in every three times your commercials come on I feel an insatiable urge to put bruises all over those fat smarmy cheeks. These are not Good Person Thoughts!! Thankfully I soon realise that the face I really want to bruise is that of the grown-up responsible for these crimes against television-viewing humanity. But then I get to thinking about how the kids are probably totally spoiled brats even when they’re not gleefully quaffing grape juice on camera, and then I want to bruise them again, or at least make a really, REALLY mean face at them.
Mudd; Yes, there is a new one what is very blonde and very punchable.
FinnAgain: Even for a minimal watcher of television such as myself, these commercials find a way to toddle into my life and completely fuck it up the ass with their shrillness. Such as when I’m innocently washing dishes in another room and these demonspawn start hollering through the speakers which are turned down low, even.
Complete aside, but I have beef with you. Specifically, with you never ever being on AIM. Or at least when I am on. Psh. Bah. Whatevs. and similar interjections.
Man!!! How come my thread on these nauseating creatures sunk and died?? Is it my lack of Fucks within it?
At any rate, YES!!!
Whose stupid idea was it to put these faky voiced little Shirley Temple wannabes in as the spokes people? Their smug little cutsiness just makes me want to throw the lot of them down a cliffside. BLECH, BLECH, BLECH.
Those rosy-cheeked little bastards make me almost intolerably eager for the day I pass the bar exam and get to begin suing the shit out of people who piss me off.
Even though it’s at least two and a half years away.
I haven’t even seen these ads. I can scarcely stand to watch any commercials any more. Either I’m getting old, or they’ve all gotten a million times more annoying. At the first hint of an annoying voice or sound, the mute button goes on instantly. And if it’s one of those flashy-lighty-shaky deals, I just turn the set off entirely until the show’s back on. The only ones I can stand are the commercials for Jack-In-the-Box. Those are funnier than most of the t.v. shows.
