Last summer was fantastic. I’d finally become a bit more sociable, and had a good, close group of friends I could spend time with. Five or six days a week, we would come out here to swim for hours and exhaust ourselves, pile a group of half-naked teenagers into my car, speed into town, get fast food, then come back to night-swim and watch movies.
In between seeing each other, we talked on the phone and IM until the wee hours of the morning. My job was dull but alright, and I had an easy year of school ahead of me. Things were good.
In contrast, however, came second semester of my Senior year at HS. The group began to splinter, and people started moving away.
Andrew and Amber, two of our ‘regulars’ finally separated, so that nobody could spend time with anyone else without excluding someone or causing hurt feelings. It wasn’t too bad, just typical teenage shit, and not terribly difficult to deal with, though a bit unnecessarily dramatic at times.
After getting dumped by Amber, Andrew picked up a new sort of sexual ambiguity. I call it “The Chasey-Chasey Run Away Game.” He would give me just enough affection to get me hooked, then get scared and run away. Fine. I had self control, and could handle that as well, although spending a good 10 hours with him every damn day was playing hell on my emotions. But, I was determined not to let my warm fuzzies complicate a good friendship beyond what it was, so we went on as always. At least, until one night, when he surprised me with a physical display of how he felt, and got me hooked again. Well, damn, I thought, this is getting more difficult. By then, I liked him a lot and was stupidly willing to put up with it.
Meanwhile, my best friend, Bradley, had lost a lot of weight and was feeling good about himself; fantastic. I was genuinely happy for him, and his confidence made him much more fun to be around. Every night we talked on the phone for 2 hours, and went out Friday and Saturday, with dinners interspersed during the week.
Then, another good friend, Jeri, moved to OKC, four hours away. That REALLY sucked. We got to see her during breaks and whenever we could (seldom) make it down, but it wasn’t even near to being the same.
Then, Bradley stopped calling me as often, and just stopped calling at all. We quit going out on the weekends more than once every month or two. He kept losing weight, started working out more and more, and made other, less ‘pleasant’ female friends. That really hurt, because from the amount of time we spent together I thought we would stay close. Apparently not.
Now, a Friend of a Friend has informed me that Shana is in love with me. Shana, honey, I’m gay. You know this, so why in the hell do you get jealous and possessive when I’m around other girls? I am not your boyfriend- stop it.
Meghan got another job, and won’t return anyone’s calls at all, except for her new boyfriend. Their relationship is ‘growing in God.’ Fantastic.
Amber is moving to California in two weeks. I’ll be gone on vacation, and won’t be able to see her off.
Now, the worst; Brad’s moving, to either Florida or Arkansas. His Dad lost his job, and his mother got better offers elsewhere. So, after the next two months, it’s unlikely I will get a chance to find out what’s going on with him, or even see him more than once or twice a year.
Something else very physical and sexual happened with Andrew, but afterwards it was like snapping out of a dream. We didn’t talk about it for a couple of weeks, and when I finally broached the topic, he said he didn’t want anything to happen until after he and his girlfriend broke up. Damn, I’d forgotten he had a girlfriend. I know it’s selfish and stupid, but I kinda thought that our two years would trump the girl du jour. Apparently not, either.
Shit. I just got off the phone with Jeri, and we’re both on the edge of crying. I’d hoped for a good summer as an extended celebration before I go to college next year, but it looks like that isn’t going to happen.