Well crap! Apparently, I've horribly upset someone! Input please.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

So. There’s a guy at work. Lets call him Ralph. Ralph is a gallows humour sort of guy. Ralph did a tour of duty in Vietnam. One of his favorite jokes is that he’s going to “Naplam” something.

  • I don’t like that parking lot - I’m going to napalm it!
  • I got a bad review - I’m going to naplam the reviewer!
  • If you bug me about that report one more time, it’s naplam for you!

You get the idea.

So, last year at the X-mas (holiday) party, which I organize, as a fun activity, the other organizer and I made up a “Name that co-worker” game. Participants were given a clue and had to guess who it was about. It was all in good fun, the clues were good natured and we had the best intentions. All in all, the participants had a good time, said they enjoyed it, asked for it at this year’s party, etc. etc.

Well, one of the clues was “Don’t make this co-worker mad, or they might naplam you.”

Everybody got it. Everybody guessed it was Ralph (including those that had no idea he had ever been in Vietnam). Everybody thought it was quite funny.

Except Ralph, it seems. Today I was talking to Ralph’s wife about this years party. She said “Don’t bring up that napalm thing again. Ralph was very upset last year. It brought up some very bad memories for him about things that he doesn’t talk about.”

WTF?!?!?!

It was Ralph’s joke! That’s why people got it - he cracks it so often that everyone immediately knew it was him.

So - what do I do? I feel really bad about this. I obviously wasn’t trying to upset him, but apparently I did. Should I appologize now? My first instinct says no, because I don’t want to bring up something uncomfortable again. On the other hand, I really feel bad that I’ve upset him. Ralph is a great guy and I’m sorry that our game made him feel bad.

Gah. I pointed out to Ralph’s wife that it was his joke we were repeating, and had no idea it would upset him. She claims that he NEVER jokes about napalm with her!?!? Again - WTF.

I didn’t even know what napalm was until I started working there and he told one of his jokes. I:

a) had to look it up
b) was actually quite scandalized.

Napalm is just not something that I think is that funny, but I thought that he did

<groan>

So - what do I do?

2

I vote for “ignore the whole damned issue.”

Ralph has probably dealt with it. Heck, he probably only mentioned it to his wife when she was driving him home after he had a few too many at last year’s party. He’s probably forgotten all about it, and his wife is likely just a weel-meaning twit.

Avoid if possible.

3

Forget about it.

And plan something else fun for this year.

Sometimes people have no idea what they’re really like. They are blind to the mirror. The fault was not yours.

Have a nice day.

4

Yeah, if it’s been a year already, just don’t bring it up and don’t do it again. No big deal.

5

A: Let it go and don’t think about it again.

B: Get some one on one private time with him, tell him you wrote it, didn’t know it would bother him, and you feel bad about it. Leave it up to him to explain it to you, which he probably won’t.

Sometimes what war vets say and what they hear are two different things entirely. Might not make a lot of sense but that’s the way it is. He can probably detach the meaning when he says it, thinking of it figuratively, but when he hears it, especially in a personal setting, it can be taken as literally.

If it were me, I would let it go, especially since it has been a year. Bringing it up, even to apologize, could make things bad again, or worse.

6

Well, this is true for sure. At least the twit part, anyway.

And jackalope, I sure as heck won’t be mentioning it agian, but the thing is - I’m pretty sure that RALPH has mentioned it. Cracked more jokes, etc.

GAH! Why are people so bizarre?!?!

7

Well, geeze, so I typed too many e’s and not enough l’s.

But you’re right, some people are just bizarre. Don’t worry about why, just move on. Why burden yourself with their screwball hangups?

8

I can see the problem.

Let me put it this way. African Americans often refer to themselves using the “n----r” word. If someone else were to walk up to them and say, "Hey, what’s up my “n----r”, that person would most likely wind up with at least a right hook to their jaw.

Such is it with some veterans. They were there, and IMHO, they’ve earned the right to joke about things, to help ease their still lingering tensions about the place.

In any case, you didn’t do anything wrong. Like everyone else said, just let it go, and bygones will be bygones. You’ve accidentally and unwittingly stepped on a line that few know exists. Over time (which I’m sure has already passed), he will have forgotten and forgiven, and I’m sure you will to.

Tripler
Don’t worry about a thing.

9

Alright. I’m officially Not Bringing It Up.

I just feel sick about it.

It really was supposed to be a fun game for everyone and I had no idea it would backfire so badly.

I mean, it’s not like I insulted the dudes hair or something. I gave him frikin’ Nam Flashbacks. I’m pretty sure a boatload of bad karma is coming my way. :frowning:

10

Nah, alice. I think you’ll be just fine. If Ralph was “so upset” about it, then I think a year is plenty of time for him to bring it up. You are not giving him “frickin’ Nam Flashbacks”.

I’m certainly no expert on Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome but isn’t it weird that he doesn’t use the napalm joke around his wife ever but regularly says it around his co-workers?

Could this be the wife overreacting?

If you decide to continue the theme this year, just avoid the whole napalm thing and all should be well.

By the way, your workgroup must be more forgiving than my last job. I would hate to think of the snipy “descriptions” they would have given one another. It would have been ugly. You are lucky to work with people that have a sense of humor.

11

Why don’t you just napalm Ralph?!! Just kidding.

Seriously, I think you should simply forget the whole thing. I do believe that some returned Vietnam soldiers are a little confusing, to say the least. A couple of Vietnam vets that I’ve had contact with, don’t seem to like talking about the Vietnam War and can become quite sensitive/moody.

I’m not generalising here, so please don’t jump up and down on me, just something I’ve noticed.

I’m curious though, has he passed those napalm comments since that party?

12

If he didn’t act shitty with you he probably never was.

I’d bet it came up in conversation with his wife due to the game. He’s telling her about the game - identify the person from the clue - and she asks “What did they have for you.” He tells her, she says “That’s terrible.” and rather than get in a discussion about how he says it all the time at work, he agrees just to shut her up.

If he still cracks the jokes, he sure as hell didn’t take your joke to heart.

As an aside we used to do this at work at Christmas, present awards. One guy upon receiving whinger of the year said “I get this every year why don’t you give it to someone else.” Brought the house down.

13

LMAO @ don’t ask!! I LOVE it! :smiley:

14

[Al Sharpton]
Why? Because black people are all so violent and uncivilized that they can’t react non-physically to an unpleasant comment?
[/Al Sharpton]