Editor’s note: Ignore what’s written below. The author of this piece is drunk off his ass.
Author’s note: You can tell the editor to shove it. He’s drunk too and it’s not like he helped edit this thing anyway.
So because the mods don’t like threads that have gratuitous cuss words in the title, I’ve decided to forgo the usual fuck yous included in this. But I have fuck yous to spread around so everyone get under their desks because the shits gonna start flying.
Fuck you to Lawrence, for being 38 miles away from Kansas City. I’ve got to drive your fucked up K-10 every single friggin day back and forth. Thank god, at the very least, 95% of the people there understand the concept of slow lanes go right because I’d have a coronary without that. But I’m peeved that if I want to hang there, I’ve got to stick around all fucking day long and then STILL remain sober enough to drive home at night. So fuck you k10, fuck you lawrence
Fuck you to the baby spider that is crawling across my monitor right now that I’m too lazy to kill
Fuck you to the meter maid at Borders. I was a legitimate patron there this evening! There were no parking spots so I parked on the hill right next to the lot. I parked there with 7 other people so I thought it would be ok. Apparently not. Because I have a ticket for 25 dollars. I was there an hour and a half! gooooooooo fuck yourself! Seriously, that’s one expensive piece of grass. Are there hookers there to give you blow jobs because I can’t possibly imagine any parking spot being worth 25 dollars. I seriously feel screwed. Had you told me, I’d have parked elsewhere.
Fuck you finals. I don’t know how I did, gradewise, but I don’t care. fuck you!
Fuck you carpal tunnel syndrome. My hands hurt right now so this is the end of my drunken rant. peace.
Gah! Yes, finally!
Fuck you, piece of shit nail sticking out of the fucking stairs that catches my shoelace everytime I go up and down!!
And to you, piece of fucking smegma crust pizza box, why are you empty! Goddammit!!
I give a hearty fuck you to the goddamn clock alarm that won’t go off by itself but I’m too damn lazy to turn it off!
Damn fucking Sprite can. Be more funny!
And too you! Grrrrrr! Get the fuck OFF MY HAND! AHHHHHHH!
Btw, I give the OP a 10, but on second thought, I give it a 9.5.
Don’t question my reasoning, you won’t understand it!
Fuck those little 12 ounce beer cans. A beer needs to be at least a quart for it to be truly satisfying. Anything less is a waste.
Fuck people who don’t drink tequila. Guaranteed NOTHING gets you stoned off your arse faster.
Fuck all spammers/teletrespassers STRAIGHT UP THE SHITPIPE!
Fuck people who don’t drink before noon. Didja know that the British royal family used to drink ale with breakfast? For all I know, they still do. HAIL BRITANNIA!
Fuck the subhuman cocksmokers who do 55mph in the leftmost lane. If you are being passed on the right by a Buick that hasn’t been washed since Reagan was President, GET YOUR ARSE OUT OF THE DAMN FAST LANE! And hang up that 'phone whilst you’re at it!
Fuck jumbo SUVs with ecology stickers. Has it occured to those arseholes just how HYPOCRITICAL that is? Great, put a Save The Planet sticker on your absurdly huge, gas wasting, rebodied supertanker. Yeah, you do that, and I’ll fly the Soviet flag at the next John Birch Society meeting. IT MAKES ABOUT AS MUCH SENSE!
Fuck racists. So I’m White and I’m dating a girl who is White AND Asian AND Arab AND Black–mixed blood, ya know? If you have a problem with it, fuck off and die. Lemme throw out a clue to you oh-so-Aryan toadies–in about 500 years from now, assuming we keep interbreeding, we will ALL be the same colour, or pretty close. Imagine, your descendants with pale brown skin and black hair! Pisser, ain’t it? FUCKIN’ DEAL WITH IT!
There, now I feel better. Thanks. 
YEAH! FUCKIN’ NON-FUNNY SODA CANS!
[sub]okay, so I just found that line hilarious. Sue me.[/sub]