Well, I got my parents moved in

My brother came down to help move my parents into my house last Friday, and we have them and most of their stuff in now. They had been staying in a tiny guest house on my sister’s land out in the country, but it wasn’t working out - the house was infested with mice, it was so packed with junk that they didn’t even have room to set up their bed (slept in the couch), and they were missing doctor’s appointments because they were 75 miles from their doctor and my sister didn’t have time to take them. My brother-in-law, who has a lottery addiction, got mad when my Mom won $100 on 2 scratch-off tickets (she hardly ever buys them) and started asking them to pay rent several months before the time they had previously agreed to do so. Luckily I have a supportive wife, a decent-sized house, a couple of extra rooms, and a 2-car garage, so I was able to get them out of that situation.

We’ve moved 7 truck-loads of stuff over so far. It’s amazing how much crap people can accumulate over 50 years. It was sad going through it all looking for stuff worth keeping, since the mice had ruined lots of neat old stuff. Now my garage is full of old furniture and boxes of stuff that hasn’t been unpacked in my parent’s last few moves. We’re going to have to go through it and give away or sell most of it. My Mom wants to hang on to a lot of the stuff (most of it picked up at garage sales) and it’s hard to convince her she’ll have to let a lot of it go - she knows antiques and she has all kinds of stuff that wasn’t worth very much, that she bought because she found a bargain on it. We’ll manage, though.

My responsibilities in life just keep multiplying. I went from being single with less than 10% of my net income being needed to pay bills to sharing responsibilities with a working mother, to taking care of both my wife and stepdaughter when she quit work to go back to school, to taking care of my wife, stepdaughter, mother, and a father with Alzheimers - in just a year and a half. I think it’s making me stronger, though. I’m usually extremely lazy and loathe moving over almost everything, yet I’ve had no trouble staying motivated, even though it involves digging through stinking mouse-pellet riddled junk in a packed 10x20 room, moving 500 lb. oak armoires, and driving over 300 miles a day shuttling it over to my house. My wife is normally the organizer of the household, but I find myself being the one pushing to get my parent’s drug schedule documented in case my Mom gets sick or dies, arranging appointments with gerontologists, and trying to find activities to keep my parents occupied.

One good thing about this is I am really bonding with my brother, who I don’t see very often as he lives in Oklahoma still and I’m in Texas. He’s been really concerned for my parents in the months they have been living in that shack and says he had been trying unsuccessfully to figure out a way to get them out of that unhealthy situation when he heard that I had decided to take them in. He used to be really hard on me for wasting my life but now I think I’m actually earning some respect from him, which feels really weird.

Anyway, that’s what’s going on in my life. Though I’m going to be a lot busier, I should keep posting here just as much as I do it all from work. Finding that challenging myself leads to me surprising myself with what I can do, I’m also signing up to take some college classes, and will be trying to test into college algebra later in the month so I can take it with my wife next semester and help her with it.

Welcome to the world of “parents living with you” Badtz Maru. My parents have lived with me for over 10 years. It has it’s pros and cons. I know you didn’t ask for advice, but I just can’t help myself.

  1. Positive stuff. You will be able to get to have a bond with your parents that you wouldn’t have otherwise.

  2. Garden. I find my dad does the vegetable garden and mom does the flower garden. It keeps them occupied as well as provides some good exercise. I don’t know how mobile your parents are, but you might consider it.

  3. clutter–accept it. I think that most people who went through the depression and WWII have a need to save everything. It was making me crazy until I accepted the fact that saving stuff is part of the times they grew up in and I couldn’t change that. And to be honest it still drives me crazy, but I just ignore it and take many deep breaths.

But I would like to wish you well. It is a hard task you have taken on, but the rewards are worth it.

This is such a good thing you are doing. I’m proud to virtually know you.

We packed and moved my Mother-in-law from an apartment she had lived in for 36 years to a duplex closer to her daughter two weeks ago. It was very traumatic–I’m still dreaming about it.

We threw away at least 50 bags of trash, routed “heirlooms” to various family member and, as deb mentions, gritted our teeth and moved at least 30 boxes of stuff that should have been thrown away. It is really a delicate thing–she is still a sane woman whom we love. We didn’t want to force her to do anything. I am usually very much against telling other people that I know better than they do, but in this case I’m sure I did (insert smilie winking at my own hypocrisy here). But, just in case she is ever in need of two wire rug beaters (the old-fashioned kind weighing 4 pounds each), she’s safe.

The good news is that she has now settled into her new bigger and cleaner place and is starting to really appreciate it. This frankly unexpected flexibility is an excellent sign that tells me she still has a few more years in her.

Also, we got her a pet bird which she is absolutely thrilled with (she has had birds in the past). If something like a pet is possible, you may want to consider it. The joy and excitement of my m-i-l over her bird shocked me, but has made me feel much better about everything.

Good luck with the new living arrangements–I’m like your brother in Oklahoma–my s-i-l will have most of the burden from living nearby, and I am so greatful she is there and that good arrangements have been made.

They already had pets - a cockatiel, a weird little terrier mutt, and an old terrier, the gray kind with funky hair and the funny-shaped head. Since I am allergic to dogs, they have to stay outside with my dog Hector (whom we guess is 1/4 German Shepherd, 3/4 Chihuahua), and they are getting along great now that they’ve established a pecking order.