I am in the midst of my sixth miscarriage in five years with no children to show for it. Medication, IUI’s and IVF doesn’t seem to fix it, as any time I do get pregnant, I lose it. Dealing with these losses has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done, though I do cry less with each one.
We have two frozen embryos that we are planning on transferring in November or December though I know how that’s going to turn out.
We have started the process of obtaining our homestudy for provincial adoption already in anticipation of adopting a nine year old girl being fostered by our extended family. Her mom has one last chance at maintaining custody starting August 27th, and if it doesn’t work out, the child becomes a ward of the province. We are first in line to adopt her.
If that doesn’t work out, well, we may consider adoption of an older child or sibling group. We might look at private adoption of an infant, though that costs thousands of dollars and takes years. We do have options though. Living child-free is one of them, I suppose.
I think the hardest part of all of this is that I will not get to experience pregnancy or birth. Is that really important? I guess I thought it was back when we started this, but now I’ve realized that what is most important to me is my husband and the prospect of a family of our own, however that might look. It’s still so hard to let go, however. I feel like I’m grieving, and have been for years. It’ll get easier, I’m sure (if I could just stop crying at work today, damn it!).