I’m getting excited…we are just embarking on the process of doing in vitro with a donor egg. We have a 5-year-old that I got pregnant with naturally at 34. I am eternally grateful for our sweet boy. I know that so many people who struggle with fertility would give their right arm to just have one successful pregnancy. But he wants a sibling and we wanted another child… [Insert subsequent long sad infertility story here] I’m now 41. We have chosen a donor and based on some timing issues will be starting in July.
Because of the long sad infertility story, I’m way beyond “grieving” the fact that we won’t be using my eggs. Heck, I have mild depression for which I take an SSRI, and though I’m not bad, I guess, the donor is prettier than I am…not that that’s very important – but point being, our child, should he/she come to exist, is probably moving up in the genetic world through egg donation. Ha! Based on various factors we think it is pretty likely that this is going to be successful…I can’t wait for the day when we get to tell our son that he is going to have a brother/sister, if that day comes. He’s been asking for one for years, and had a few disappointments.
I’m getting excited about the process, though I know I can’t get too excited because of how long we have to go from here. (Another story, we are also on an adoption list, but if I get pregnant, I’ll tell them and they’ll take us off the list…but we could potentially still adopt after we have the child we’re about to be trying for.) Adoption would be from our county, and could involve a child who is not an infant, so we could conceivably adopt a child older than the one we’re about to try to conceive. Anyway, we wanted three kids but we will take it as it comes - if the egg donation works and we feel like we are done, we just won’t get back on the adoption list. Anyhow…I just feel like talking about it because it is seeming more real.
Good luck! Looking on it as moving up biologically is a good way of being positive about it. I’m similar with my GF having the baby, not me - I have too many heritable health problems, so the baby’s probaby better off not being mine genetically.
I think most only children ask for a sibling at some point. It doesn’t mean they’re necessarily gonna get one! If he does, though, he’ll be a very lucky kiddo. I love my sister a lot, although we fought like the dickens until I moved out at 18
Best of luck. My mother has four - hopefully going on five - grandchildren. I have one gotten the traditional way and one adopted (the adopted came first). My sister has two via IVF - and the baby is going surrogacy (she has a surrogate lined up, but no pregnancy yet).
How exciting, and good luck! Is the donor a known donor? If you feel comfortable answering, where do you live and are there any legal issues around egg donors in your area?
Wishing you the best of luck in all of this. My wife and I went through all of this ourselves, 7+ years of infertility treatments, no luck. Then a close friend of mine became our known donor… Unfortunately the first fresh/frozen cycle didn’t take (got enough eggs for 2 tries, but no success)… My friend was as disappointed as we were, and agreed to try again, and this time we were successful! We got the most perfect babies ever, a set of boy/girl twins. They are almost 10 months old, and the best thing that has ever happened to me!
So, good luck, it might take some time, (and a LOT of money), but babies are worth it!
**EmanJ, **Thanks! Nope, not a known donor. I wanted to ask one of my cousins, but one of my aunts and my mother were so against the idea I was afraid to ever ask her. Our donor is from our clinic’s small group of donors. We are in California. She has no legal rights to the child and will not know that a child was ever born unless we tell her (through the clinic - we don’t have any way to contact her directly.) Donor and recipients each enter into agreements with the clinic, but we don’t enter into a separate agreement with her, unless we want to. I don’t think we need to. I actually am a lawyer (though not in this area), so I feel somewhat comfortable with the fine print at least.
Hirka, Congratulations!! Yay. I am trying to be prepared for it not to work the first time(s)…but hoping for the best.
Urban Redneck, We did want to have a mixed race child like the son we already have…my husband’s black and I’m white, so we chose a white woman like me. We also did sort of find one who looks like me…but honestly, what drew me to her was the way she answered questions, the fact that she seemed (more) cerebral (than some of the others), and her pictures. She looks nice, and kind, and there are pictures of her with kids in a hammock in some other country, pictures showing that she is adventurous with a somewhat broad world view…I just liked her.
Good luck! I’m confident you will be as happy with your results as I was with ours.
My daughters (11 and 13) were both IVF donor egg babies. They bring me perpetual joy (except when they don’t do their chores and are the greatest achievements of my life. One is gifted; the other is gifted and tested highest in our county (her principle said, “she’s the gifted of the gifted.” But, that’s much less important to me than their sweet and loving natures.
They learned from a third party a few years ago about the nature of their conception (long before I thought they were mature enough to be told) and demanded an explanation from me. It was awkward to tell them, “I’m your biological father, and even though your mother isn’t biologically related, she gave birth to you both.” Their reply?: “that’s pretty cool, dad.”
Their mother left us a while ago, saying essentially, you keep the girls; I’ll keep the money. That was a no-brainer. Her loss, our gain.
