Along the lines of Opal’s lint, I once was the recipient of a lovely spork/napkin/straw combo in a lovely cellophane wrapper from the high school cafeteria. The guy who gave it to me was always a shameless flirt (not that I wasn’t!) and in some way I don’t even remember the spork had become, like, symbolic, you know? He gave me one every day for like two months. I still have them somewhere.
More on the what were they thinking line–I once received a set of home-made (and I’m sorry to say butt-ugly) crocheted barbie doll clothes for my birthday. They looked a lot like mumus in various shades of poop-green and poop-orange, with kicky little hats that were about three sizes too big. I was seventeen years old. All I could say was “Wow!”
Dammit WSLer. You beat me to it. My dad got me a Ronco Inside the Eggshell Egg Scrambler one year for Christmas. Another year he bought mom the HotDogger. I can’t even think of a couple of less useful gadgets.
I’ve heard that Ron Popiel is doing OK for himself so I guess Dad wasn’t the only suckah out there.
There is the time my father in law bought my mum in law the video “Batman.”… We think he wanted it but didn’t want to look obvious :rolleyes:
Or the time my Gran bought me a housecoat! I am a child of the late 70s early 80s! What the hell would I do with a housecoat! Fortunately Mom intercepted that and got Gran to take it back and buy me moccasins… the cool kind not the old man kind:D
My step-gramma once bought me a red tablecloth for Christmas. I was 12. I’m not sure if she thought I had a ‘hope chest’ or what. It certainly made no sense to me at the time.
A little background: My SO is slightly overweight. So, for her birthday last year, she received about 6 gifts from her assorted family members. They were as follows:
For Christmas this year, my parents bought me a stack of books.
That wouldn’t be so bad, except that I’m in LAW SCHOOL and am perpetually reading. I’m also behind on my books and have probably about 2 feet of books I’ve yet to read, on top of the ones they got me. Oy.
My husband’s mother has taken to giving her children rubber spatulas (the things you use to scrape cake batter from the sides of a bowl) on just about every special occasion. In fact, it was my husband’s birthday today–and we’ve got a brand-spanking new rubber spatula in the drawer. I’m not kidding. That brings the total to 8, and that does not count the ones that I’ve given to my daughter for her play kitchen or the ones I’ve given to Goodwill. I’m leaving the new ones in their packages now, and this is the only warning I’m giving to future White Elephant participants…
It’s some sort of joke, I think (especially since it’s not usually the only gift), but no one really gets it except MIL. Perhaps she doesn’t know that you can wash and reuse them. All I know is that it’s going to take us years to wear out the ones that we’re using, and we really don’t need any more. At least you’ll eventually use up something like Kleenex.
For my 21st, my then-SO’s grandma gave me a rug that one of her friends had crocheted. Problem was, grandma was completely colour blind. The rug was in orange, green, and poo-brown and entirely unattractive, but it was sweet of her to get me a present at all, so I had to make all sorts of appreciative noises about how beautiful it was.
It’s been sitting in the boot of my car ever since. It might possibly get used for something… someday…
Actually it was the same lint. One guy had taped it to the inside of his locker and showed it to me a couple of different times. I also gave out those white strings that happen when the knees of your jeans wear through. People saved those, too.
My grandfather was a cheapskate. He had money–heck he built a huge house with a hanger next to the garage to park his 7-seater airplane! Every christmas I’d get something like a digital watch, or an automatic umbrella, or something… and so would everyone else. He would buy the shit in bulk and give everyone the same thing.
My son gives me the funniest presents. I love it. For Mothers’ Day last year he got me a Barbie. This year he got me a Diva Starz doll – it’s electronic, talks to you, responds to your voice, and interacts with the many accessories that come with it. (put the green tank top on her and she says “oh I love my green tank top!” or “I’d rather wear my red dress” etc) He apparently was adamant at the store from the minute they got there–he was going to get me a talking doll. A couple of Christmases ago he got me an Etch-A-Sketch. It ruled! We let him pick out his presents for his teacher last year. He spent a looong time choosing exactly the right Barbie for his teacher and exactly the right Barbie for the assistant teacher.
My grandmother never ever got the fact that we grew up. No me, not my sister and not even my mother. When my mother was about 23, married with 2 children, she received for christmas … paper dolls. Not special paper dolls but just … paper dolls. To play with.
I received at 15 a box of toy cars. The big plastic kind meant for 5 year olds. My sister still gets stuffed animals.
Maybe that’s why I’ve actively discouraged people from buying me stuff for the past 22 years. And I’m proud to say last year I received no gifts at all. Except 2 people (from out of state) sent me gift cards to Borders which I guess is ok.
Oh, there was the time I had to buy some low priorty gifts for family and friends so I picked up these condoms for soda cans. You roll it up the side to keep it cool I think. I thought they were hilarious. I don’t think anyone ever used them though.
Oh and my grandmother’s nurse gave us a fish! We have no tank, just some random bowl for floating a candle in. We have a cat. And you gave us a fish? A pet? You give us responsibility for a living, breathing creature? Do you not understand this is in appropriate?
mutter mutter
It’s still alive so I finally had to name it. Inigo Montoya. shrugs
My great aunt used to send me a $5 bill for Christmas every year. Until I was about 20! She would probably still be doing it if she were still alive.
And it’s not like she didn’t have money. About 10 years before she died she sold her 2 (two!) mansions in Greenwich, CT --waterfront property on Long Island Sound with an 80ft dock and a private beach–for 1.5mil each.
I do not wear make-up. Ever. Someone at work once gave me a purse with a bunch of makeup in it. “Because you’d look so much better if you fixed yourself up.” I didn’t know I was broken.
My mom really tries to buy appropriate gifts for me. And she’s kinda on the right track, but she seems to think that because I like Star Wars and Star Trek, I will like ANYTHING with Sw or Trek on it. And as any fan knows, there’s a lot of CRAP that gets made with the SW and Trek name on it. (like Voyager for instance…). Add the fact that my mom is a big fan of $.99 stores and the like, and I get stuff like:
Giant (12") PVC princess leia, with smudged paint.
3 PVC Capt. Picards in assorted sizes.
An Enterprise (1701-D) Kite.
C3PO keychain.
a JarJar Koosh.
But for the piece d’resistance… One Hannukah I recieved a T-shirt, with Data’s Head on it. The head covers the entire front of the T-shirt, about 2 feet tall, 1 foot wide. It says DATA down the side in 4" letters (in case you didn’t recognize the giant head) and has his statisics down in the corner. (Race:android. Rank:… etc.)
I thought this was the worst Star Trek merchandise I’d ever seen… then on my next birthday… I got the exact same shirt… with Commander Riker’s Giant Head. <shudder>
When Mr. S turned 40, I threw him a theme party. The idea was that since he’d never had a real birthday party when he was a kid, and since he always says that 4 was his favorite age, we were having a 4th birthday party for him. Gifts were to be inexpensive and appropriate for a 4-year-old: yo-yo, wind-up airplane, Silly Putty – stuff you can get at the grocery store for a dollar. He likes that stuff anyway.
So when he was opening his gifts, of course the kids in attendance were fascinated and all crowded around him. The last gift was a very large, heavy, lopsided package from my aunt, who said it could not be turned sideways or upside down. Everyone was curious, and the kids got in closer. Mr. S carefully removed the wrapping paper to find . . . an aquarium, apparently containing a large stuffed plush frog. The kids oohed and aahed. Mr S lifted the frog out to look at it – and quickly put it back.
It was “anatomically correct.” Had a giant green penis and balls, and a big black sheaf of furry pubic hair. :eek: Gross as all get-out, and definitely not the sort of thing you want kids to play with. Luckily it was the last present, and we distracted the kids by annoucing that it was time for cake.
As if that weren’t bad enough, under Long Dong Kermit was an actual live frog. What the . . . ? What the hell were we supposed to do with this thing? We have never owned or expressed interest in owning any sort of terrarium animal, and since when do you give live animals as a surprise gift? This was in late fall, and it was starting to get cold. When we got home, we released Mr. Frog on his own recognizance.
I mailed Long Dong Kermit anonymously to a co-worker as a joke, knowing she’d mention it to me, and when she did I confessed. I told her to maintain the tradition of mailing him out anonymously – her choice whether to someone she liked or not – and so she did. So if you get a well-hung frog in the mail someday, you can thank my weird aunt.
My mom gave me an electric-blue fake fur bathrobe once for Christmas. It had all the softness and allure of a bathroom rug. It was positively the most hideous thing I’ve ever seen. She also for years gave me sweaters with all kinds of spangles and dangly things and sequins on them. I guess she never noticed that 98% of my wardrobe is black and I have never ever in my life worn a spangly dangly sweater.
One year at college we did Secret Santa and I got nothing the whole time until the last day when my gift was a box of department-store cosmetic-counter makeup samples. Some of them were used. And, they were all makeup specifically made for black women. Not only am I not black, I have the most Casper-the-Ghost complexion imaginable. WTF man? If you don’t want to do Secret Santa, then don’t freakin’ put your name in the hat!!!
You would think a college student with simple tastes and little money wouldn’t be that hard to shop for, but apparently I am fast surpassing the rich uncles and tactiturn grandfathers as the hard one in the family to shop for.
I love my family, but I’ve gotten some real puzzlers. My uncle, who knows my tastes really well, once got me one of those glass sculpture things filled with bubbling water that lights up. This was a couple years ago, not the eighties when something like that might have been cool. What is a college student who shares a room the size of a closet with two other people going to do with such a thing? The really confuseing thing is that it wasn’t cheap, so it wasn’t a gag gift or something that he bought just because it looked fun.
I also once recieved an economy pack of granola bars for christmas. It’s not exactly a bad gift- and I did eventually eat all of them, but usually when you give food you give candy or gourmet mustard or something. My only guess is that the gift giver heard I was vegetarian and granola bars is what came to mind.
Well, its not nearly as bad as all that, but I have a couple.
My Aunt once gave me a board game. This would be normal, but it was 3 feet by 3 feet and stood up 12 inches off the ground, being a 3d board! Nice, but I only used it thrice. It wasn’t a fun game (for some reason, Aunts & Uncles always gave board games…)
He gave me one every day for like two months. I still have them somewhere.