He came home today from watching the Mavs game with his friends.
His eyes where red and barely open. He was also quite the chatter box when he got home too. Also, laughing uncontrollably and devouring everything in the fridge.
I know I’m going to have to talk to him about it eventually; but the problem is I just can’t get myself too worked up about this. Which makes me feel guilty.
He’s a good kid. He keeps his grades up, he does his chores and is always home by curfew.
Also, I smoked it when I was his age (younger actually) and my life never went to shit. So I feel like a hypocrite for telling him pot is the gateway to hell. :dubious:
Also, I guess it doesn’t help that my parents were very lax when it came to pot.
They didn’t condone it. All they would ever do when they found my stash is throw it away and tell me “Dammit SHAKES don’t bring this crap in our house!”
I never got my ass whipped or grounded because of it.
What a dilemma. Fortunately, when my stepson was coming up, he chose the anti-drug path and I didn’t have to face those ugly, “Do as I say, not as I did!” conversations.
Treat it the same way you would underage drinking.
In my case, my father sat me down and said to me: “Son, if you break the law, dont let anyone get hurt. If you get caught breaking the law, you will have to accept the punishment given to you. If you don’t get caught and no one gets hurt, well… don’t tell your mother. Oh, and one more thing: I am the law as far as you are concerned, so don’t let me catch you either.”
Trying it a few times is OK. Just tell him you don’t want him to turn into one of those dumbass “hee hee hee” I’m King Pothead type. Getting high is like u now so much fun! Hee hee hee!"
SHAKES, so don’t tell him it’s the gateway to hell. Tell him to be careful. Tell him that it’s stronger than it used to be and to avoid mixes.
But there’s no need to be a hypocrite. My dad’s own speech on smoking started with “I can’t tell you not to smoke since I do…” and didn’t go much further because I told him “I’ve already decided I’m not going to, but thanks Dad.”
Telling him not to do something is going to be like a red rag to a bull. Maybe tell him to be careful and that he should look closely at the long-term effects, and what other things smoking pot could lead to.
I can’t find a cite, but I remember reading that those findings were based on a comparison of recently-seized weed (at the time, somewhere around 2000 I believe) to dope that had been sitting around for 20, 30 or 40 years. Of course the stuff that was exponentially fresher turned up as being more potent. I’ve heard anecdotes both ways, and there’s really no way to know.
I’ve heard a lot of this, and frankly I don’t get it. Taking alcohol and other drugs while you’re smoking pot isn’t any more dangerous than taking the alcohol/drugs by themselves IME (although it’s probably not a good idea to heap stimulants like coke or speed on top of weed if you have heart problems, in which case you shouldn’t be doing lines anyway). When I was way into the scene smoking pot was a background activity, that I pretty much did regardless of whatever else I had going that day. If I was doing other drugs I was probably high. Most of my friends were the same way, and from personal experience and the research I’ve done it’d be hard to convince me that there were some special danger involved in smoking pot and doing other drugs at the same time, above and beyond that inherent in the separate vices.
SHAKES, Safety First is a group which promotes harm-reduction-based parent involvement in preventing substance abuse.
BTW, whatever you decide to do about this, best of luck to you.
I like Dad_C’s take that the problem is not that “it’s drugs, aaaah!” but that “it’s illegal”.
But also, in response to fetus: I realize I’m just boring and stuff when it comes to any kind of drugs, but my experience from outside is that people mixing always behaved exponentially more stupid*. Like I said, evaluation from a goody-two-shoes.
*stupid in this case meaning anything from losing their chance to get some chichi to ending up in the hospital.
You can probably also weasel out of the “but you smoked pot, dad” bit by stressing how much stronger it is today (as mentioned earlier in the thread), and also stressing that shit like employee drug testing wasn’t around in the good old days. As well as the illegality, of course. A criminal record maybe, depending on where you live, and the cop’s mood, and also although I don’t necessarily believe that pot leads to harder stuff, it is true that people who use harder stuff likely smoke pot too, and when you get busted for pot by the cops, you don’t want to be in a friend’s car with a glove compartment full of cocaine or ice - even if you don’t touch that stuff.
Emphasizing the “don’t bring/leave that shit in my house/car!” part is a good idea - if he does get busted he’ll have to face up to it, but you don’t want to risk worse repercussions like you getting tangled up in that as well.
Not much to add - definitely support the non-hypocritical reasonable response. My main - regrets - about my past pot use was that it contributed to my wasting a lot of time when I could have been doing more interesting things with different groups of people. But given my drinking and other substance use habits, I may not be the type of person/personality who does well with moderation.
That’s the main point I’ve tried to make to my kids. There’s nothing wrong with a certain amount of alcohol/drug use, sex, risky behavior, etc. But you want to have your actions result from conscious choices rather than convenience, take reasonable precautions, eliminate the possibility of permanent damage, not harm/inconvenience other people, and not have your choices prevent you from pursuing other opportunities either now or in the future.
Just wanted to add my doubts to the often-voiced claim that pot today is stronger than in prior decades. Started this GQ thread about it.
If he’s gonna do it, tell him to only smoke with people he trusts, hopefully that way he won’t smoke anything that’s laced. And don’t drive while high. Same rules as booze. Socially, in moderation, I see nothing wrong with pot. You just have to be smart about it. Don’t buy it. Don’t smoke in public. Don’t do it too often. I know plenty of highly-functioning intelligent people that smoke. They just don’t let it rule their life.
I like the “use caution, 'cause it’s against the law” approach. When he asks if you smoked pot, you can say “you’ll never know for sure because I was never arrested for it. Let’s make that the family tradition.”
Not a million miles away from here, skunk is the preferred variety because of its greater capacity for blowing one’s head away. Metaphorically, that is. This drug currently retails at about £180 per ounce on the street. Other products are available for as low as £50 per ounce. I am reliably informed the high obtainable from the latter is at least satisfactory.
It might be advisable for SHAKES to check with his son what exactly he is smoking, how much and how often.
Also, without commenting on the attractions of Dallas Mavericks basketball team, I’ve been to more than one sporting event where a spliff would have been a blessed relief from an afternoon of unrelieved tedium. Perhaps SHAKES’ son and his friends experienced this phenomenon at their game, and had brought something along in anticipation of a disappointing performance by the Mavs.
The legal avenue sounds good. I experimented with the mild drugs and even alcohol when I was younger (underage even for the legal stuff) – mostly a peer pressure thing where the contraband was concerned, so I couldn’t give my future kid the hypocrite speech either. I don’t like the stuff, though, and much as I hate to admit it because it’s hypocritical and even a little arrogant, I can’t help losing a little bit of respect for the people that indulge and tend to avoid people when they’re stoned. This much though I think is simply because I’d rather interact with people at ground level, when they are simply themselves, rather than feel like I’m talking to a wall of haze. I’d probably tell my future kid this – that some people may look at him (or her) differently or lose respect for him (or her) because of it. And of course I’d explain about the legal issues, and how I wouldn’t want it anywhere near my home, nor would I want my kid to come home stoned, and I’d explain the risks and dangers involved with it. As long as the kid is responsible enough to know when to stop and not to try the harder stuff because that can lead to serious problems and addiction.
As long as the kid knows it isn’t healthy, it’s illegal and that it isn’t welcome then hopefully the kid will be able to make smart decisions about it as long as you don’t get angry and forbid him from ever doing it again, which will likely just spark the teenage rebellion in him and push him further to it.
Well, you could always insist that he has to share his pot with you. Being forced to participate in an activity with dad is the surest way I know of to turn something from “cool” to “agonizingly embarrasing”.
I had a friend that did that to her underage, drinking daughter – mom invited a bunch of mom’s friends over for a beer-bash. Daughter was mortified the entire night. And now only drinks in moderation, AFAIK.