Cooking time: 3 hours
Dinner time: 32 seconds
I am watching “The Perfect Host” for the rest of the afternoon.
So what did you eat in 32 seconds?
And what did you cook for 3 hours?
My theory: whatever was cooked for 3 hours ended up inedible, which is why there was only a 32-second attempt to eat it.
Or it fell on the floor.
Three hours seems about right for a larger ham.
32 seconds into dinner somebody started some DRAMA!
Just a guess.
Or the dog got it.
BUMPUSES! :mad:
The good news is it only takes about 45 minutes to roast a small dog. And the oven’s already pre-heated. So dinner’s not as late as all that.
What??? Turnabout seems fair play to me. 
Thank you all.
so to recap, j666 cooked a ham for 3hrs, attempted to eat for about 30 seconds until the dog bumpuses came racing into the kitchen slipping on the hard floor and crashing into the table knocking the ham to the floor and then instantly ate it. in a turn around the dog was summarily put in the oven and had for dinner instead while watching tv.
HOT DOG that’s the story!
Err… you came back to the thread but you’re not going to explain the cryptic OP at all?
I thought you were all having too much fun speculating.
Three hours from first opening the refrigerator and serving the set up and carved roast. (I can’t imagine spending much less than three hours on a holiday meal.)
I had one mouthful of vegetables before one of the kids had a melt-down, which resulted in two adults leaving the table, leading to another child having a melt-down, and severe indigestion.
Apparently the food was quite good, but I will never make a holiday dinner again. As god is it my witness, it will be Domino pizza.
PLEASE! There’s no reason to completely abandon the spirit of the season…
Make it Chinese. With popcorn and Jujubes for dessert.
That cracked me up.
::clinks bottle:: hear, hear! I have been you, only this is pretty much every meal. This is why kids eating in the nursery with their governess would be so awesome. Only there’s no nursery and no governess. Just kids. 
But we’re not Jewish - wouldn’t that be cultural appropriation?
I now think all pre-school children should be allowed to graze at will on fruits and nuts and just not allowed at a dinner table.
No - say you’re serving a “Japanese-style Christmas Dinner” and go to KFC (cite). It’ll take the same amount of stove time as Dominos. It’s “international,” so axiomatically it’s cosmopolitan and chic. And you also get to get the hell out of the house and away for 20 minutes or so while picking up the food. There’s no similar break with delivery.
The part I’m not understanding is how come a kid having a melt-down isn’t simply banished while the adults enjoy their feast.
Melt-downs are an occasional but 100% unavoidable part of kids being 2 or 4 or whatever. All the adults dropping everything to “manage” the situation, or sniping at one another over their (lack of) managing the situation is 100% optional.
How old are the kids? A teen meltdown in my family would be met with derision and laughter. The only danger would be of choking on your food while laughing at the little drama queen or king.