During both pregnancies, my wife hardly changed her daily routine. She didn’t suddenly catch the “pregnancy handicap” some women seem to have. In fact, she has mocked several pregnant friends or family members for their whinyness.
I have a cousin who, while she was pregnant, seemed to think she was entitled to be pampered 24/7. She’d have her husband rub her feet; her sister would be ordered to clip her toenails becuase she was “too tired,” etc.
A pregnant coworker asked a non-pregnant coworker to carry a laptop to her car because it might be dangerous for her to lift it. She has no pregnancy related or induced health issues.
Pregnancy is a wonderful thing. However, it’s neither a disease nor a disorder. Do you know people who seem to take advantage of the fact they are pregnant*? Is this consistent with their personality while not pregnant?
*This doesn’t include those who may have pregnancy-related or induced conditions.
But I’m the type that was a bit annoyed at ‘pampering’ and things because I was ‘a girl’ (door holding and such).
During the last couple of weeks, I slowed down and let people ‘do for’ me, like dropping me off at the door while they parked at the end of a full parking lot and things like that, move my big ass server computers when we changed offices, etc.
But I tried to stay sane, contain my whining to my journal, etc.
I’ve seen a few go further overboard than they already are once pregnant, but none who weren’t suddenly lose their minds.
When I was pregnant for my now-12-year-old daughter, I worked two minimum-wage jobs. The only whining I did was that at six months along, I refused to climb the ladder into the attic of the movie theater I ushered at to hoist cases of popcorn.
There was one overwhelming personality trait, though, that dominated my entire pregnancy more than any other time in my life, which can be summarized in one word:
I don’t think I was whiny. I thought pregnancy was pretty entertaining, after the morning sickness passed. I do remember bursting into tears in the wee hours of one morning, late in my first pregnancy, because the rotten kid wouldn’t stop kicking me in the innards, but that stands out because it was a rare lapse.
Now, the week after pregnancy, when the milk came in, is a different matter.
Ooo yeah, I was amazed at how horny I got while pregnant.
When I was pregnant, I wasn’t whiny. Or it depended on how you looked at it. I say I wasn’t, if you talked to my ex-roomies they would probably say I was (‘Food? We have plenty of food!’ Yes we have a case of ramen and a couple packages of hot dogs. You drank all the milk and ate all my meat and veggies. “You sleep too much” I work all night, go to school in the morning and you guys are partying in the next room nearly all the time. GAH! I’m SO glad I got out of there)
Some women take advantage of it, and in some ways I did (ie legitimate complaints actually were listened to and acted upon because she’s pregnant and it bugs her) but more often then not it was everything as usual. Heck I couldn’t even get seats on the bus, because I didn’t look pregnant. I just looked like I’d put on weight, because I’m so tall.
A bit. I had an excuse, though. I had a dickens of a time conceiving in the first place and I was paranoid that something would go wrong. I followed all instructions to the letter – don’t lift anything, don’t eat the wrong thing, etc., etc. That was my first. The second was even worse because I’d had a miscarriage in between so I was terrified that something I did wrong had caused that and would cause another one. Besides, my back hurt ALL the time during both. Try wearing back support undergarments made of latex & elastic in July and August and see if you don’t get just a little bit cranky. Oh, yeah.
I thought I whined a lot, but my mom says, no, I didn’t really. I hurt so bad carrying my second (round ligament pain) that even walking was a chore late in pregnancy–I went 15 days overdue and had a 12 pound 2 1/4 ounce baby boy. My mom says she’d have cried all the time if it’d been her.
And while I think it’s great that some women have no problems and find pregnancy to be a breeze, I hardly think it’s fair to say that, barring pregnancy-related conditions, it’s no big deal, and some women are simply whiny wimps. Just like some women have difficult periods, just because (not caused by endometriosis or fibroids), some women have a tough time during pregnancy, and everyone has a different threshold for the changes that occur.
And of course, some women do whine–but they are usually the type to whine or take advantage under all other circumstances that give them the chance.
I whined. No excuses, no half-arsed justifications. I was a BIG HUGE WHINER for a good 4-5 months of my pregnancy. I was tired and cranky and felt ugly and emotional and HUNGRY and uncomfortable FOR MONTHS. Heck yeah, I whined.
“I need sauerkraut… I don’t care if it’s midnight… I’m huuuuuuungry.”
“I need your pillow. I don’t care if you won’t have a pillow, I didn’t impregnate you, jerk!”
“I’m faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat…”
Whatever, I was hosting a freaking 7 lb 4 oz parasite in my womb. God bless me for not murdering everyone within waddling distance.
My first pregnancy was a no-brainer and even the delivery was a breeze. I worked until the night I went into labor. The second one was horrible, but I got a nice kid out of it in the end.
I deal with pregnant women daily. Some are like your wife and some are more like your cousin.
Lordy, did I whine! I was carrying twins. My ribs seperated. I couldn’t breath. My feet swelled to a men’s size 12. I developed my one and only cavity that I couldn’t do anything about it-- not even Tylenol. I worked until my doctor told me I couldn’t. I was on bedrest under the threat of hospitalization from my 5th month.
Some women simply experience more discomfort than others during pregnancy. Some, like your wife, have few problems. Others experience month after month of nausea and vomiting, aches and pains, mood swings, hot and cold flashes, diarrhea and constipation, etc. etc. etc. Meanwhile, they’ve got this gigantic belly that literally has a life of its own. It’s enough to make anyone whine. I can definitely relate to being too tired to clip my own toenails!
And while I agree that pregnancy is not a disease or a disorder, it is DEFINITELY a “health issue” in and of itself. In 9 months, a woman grows a whole new person and gains 15 lbs. of weight in her abdomen alone. When else does a human experience such a change in such a short period of time?
Your wife was very lucky. Instead of mocking those other women, she should try to be more understanding. Yes, some women do use pregnancy (or their wedding day or whatever) as an excuse to be a total prima donna bitch, but the vast majority of those women with the “pregnancy handicap” are genuinely, if temporarily, handicapped.
Maybe she was scared to lift it because of all the busybodies telling her that if she lifts anything heavier than a bowl of ice cream that she will KILL HER BABY! :rolleyes: This was one of my pet peeves during my pregnancy. I was pregnant, for Og’s sake! I wasn’t an invalid. Of course I didn’t do any heavy lifting or run any marathons, but some folks acted like I wasn’t being a good mother if I wasn’t at home lying on the couch while I played Mozart to the fetus through a set of headphones. Gah!
lol, the first time around I suffered the morning sickness morning noon and night manfullly [in a manner of speaking] for the whole 5 months until i went toxemic. I ignored the gestational diabetes even though I had never been diabetic before, and I ignored gaining weight, and I worked refusing only to do haz mat and lifting, but we worked around that.
Second time around, morningsick morning noon and night, after 6 months of this one noon I took my lovingly prepared lunch [baby shower=] walked into the bathroom and scraped it into the john and flushed. I then annouced I was eliminating the middleman as I was tired of upchucking. Oddly enough, that evening I passed out and was schlepped to the ER and informed that not only was my gestational diabetes changing to insulin dependent, but my kidneys were shutting down and I was going to be residing in hospital…for the next month until it died and that was that. 21 years old and tubal ligation time as the OB GYN said 3 times would *not& be the charm, it would be the death of me.
Third time around, [yup, after tubal ligation.] After the ‘holy shit you have got to be joking’ conversation, we scheduled an abortion and discussed methods available to deal with recalcitrant tubes.
Never really whined, worked until hospitalized, avoiding dangerous substances and ardurous lifting, did ultra low impact aerobics for fitness [actually kept up doing them until about 12 years ago when my back decided it didnt want to cooperate any further] watched my diet [going down, then coming up again shortly after=] and saw my doctor regularly. Dammit, I did everything I was supposed to, my womb just was not going to cooperate with me=(
Thanks for all the repsonses. It is truly amazing what the ebb and flow of hormones can do to a person.
Green Bean-
I understand completely your point about having compassion. However, the women my wife was “mocking” were whiny even under perfectly normal circumstances.
And for those of you who mentioned the “advice” from others- Great Og! That was probably the most annoying part of both of my wife’s pregnancies.
Sounds like mine. My first was a breeze, no morning sickness, I worked right up till two days before delivery, had a text-book delivery and was just fine.
With my second child, I found out at about four months that I had placenta previa, had to quit working at six months, spent the rest of the pregnancy on limited bedrest and had the most incredible backache I’d ever experienced. My son was breech and I carried him high. He spent a lot of time standing on my bladder and shoving his head up against my lungs - I sometimes felt like I was gasping for breath while nearly peeing myself. Not fun.
I spent a lot of time walking around like I was made of glass. (I would have carried a laptop, though.)
I’m 20 weeks pregnant and not normally a whiny person. However, this (my first) pregnancy is really doing a number on me and yes, you’d probably consider me whiny.
Let me demonstrate:
I could not eat the first three months. I lost weight. I vomited at the thought of food and felt nauseous all day. I am now in my fifth month and although the vomiting has stopped I still have no appetite. I have only gained 10 pounds (which goes up and down) and am worried about my health and the health of the baby because I just can’t eat.
The feeling of the baby kicking makes me nauseous, however. I’m hoping that will get better.
I can’t sleep and am fatigued and lethargic. I pee at least 25 times per day and 6 or 7 times per night.
I hate the feeling of not having control over my body. I can’t wait until this pregnancy is over and I don’t care if that’s being whiny. I’m miserable (but happy to have a baby – there’s a difference!)
Everyone has different experiences with pregnancy. Some women have no morning sickness, some (like my sister) have it for the whole nine months. Going through this, I have a lot of newfound respect for pregnant women and a lot of envy for women who have easy pregnancies.
P.S. A friend of mine who has a child told me that she is having only one because pregnancy was so difficult for her. This friend is the strongest (physically, emotionally and mentally) person I know!
I’m 30 weeks into my 2nd pregnancy. I’m grumpy, exhausted, short-tempered and generally uncomfortable all the time, but I try my best not to be too whiny about it. 4 months of morning sickness, pubic symphysis separation (owie, owie, OWIE!), and the threat of a recurrence of pre-eclampsia makes it hard to be my usual sunny self :rolleyes: but I keep telling myself only 10 more weeks…of course, then the endless diapers, sore boobs and sleepless nights begin. THEN I will have an excuse to be whiny!
