And isn’t it something like 99.9% of Septic Tanks haven’t set foot outside their own state? If we consider that 10% don’t yet know that they get seasick, 10% are afraid of flying, and the rest will be lumbered with twinkie fat and having to carry banjo’s… well I say let them strike, we can’t lose!
And get prosecuted for war crimes before we’d even begun?
On the other hand, Faslane Nuclear Base recently found that it had a party of uninvited visitors. On this occasion, the invaders were not from the peace camp, but were in fact a group of elderly Israeli tourists, who seem to have wandered in by mistake.
No, I don’t know why tourists chose to go wandering anywhere near nuclear submarines, either, but it doesn’t say very much for security.
Of, course, I am only saying this to the U.K. types; I trust any Americans planning an invasion will be sufficiently polite not to pay attention.
Oh no! the enemy fleet has been sighted off the coast of Blackpool 2 years later than expected but what the hell.
Now we’ve really got a fight on our hands - even at this very moment parents and children are cowering in ‘Toys R Us’ dreading the expected onslaught of Britney Spears,Barbie dolls and Pokemon.
Got to hold them off until we can hit them with a 27 page Euro-document of the definition of what exactly is a nut, note - peanuts don’t qualify.
Even at this moment of desparation, resistance groups consisting of specially trained teams of eccentric boffins and cut glass English accent aristcrats who are being specially prepared with Pearly King jackets and Dick van Dyke ‘Cockney’ songs whose repertoire consists of the trusty, tried and tested ’ Knees up mother Brahn’ and ‘Doin the Lambeth walk’
Meanwhile, in the wilderness of the remote region known with terror to some as ‘the home counties’ crack herds of mad cows are undergoing suicide training, teaching their supple bodies to infiltrate the American legions of hamburgers, it might take 20 years to have a measurable effect but the fallout will be devastating.
They underestimated us with their pre-emptive strikes of ‘Friends’ and ‘ER’ , whom we fear not, being only shadows of their former selves.
Come on fellow Brits!! we can take it all, they used their
‘New deals’
and softened us up with
‘Ich den Berliner’
but their latest,
‘Most our our imports are from abroad’
was a fatal mistake.
Strategic bullshit command is leading the fightback on two fronts with a debate about Gun Control and Socialised Medicine.
It ain’t pretty but it’s war.
I have a few warnings for any 'merkins thinking they’ll have it easy over here…
[list=1]
[li]Who’s going to do your translating for you? And I’m including the UK here. Have you ever heard a Liverpudlian? A Glaswegian? A Cockney? You’ll be thanking your god on your knees when you we shove a phrase book up your arse.[/li][li]You may have more, and better, tanks. But you can’t drive them over here. The roads are too narrow for you, and the oldest, most demented European biddy in a car can and will make any American cry.[/li][li]The Italian driving style makes me cry.[/li][li]My brother’s driving style (once he gets his license back) makes the Italians cry.[/li][li]Sure, the French may roll over at the first sound, but it’s not as if you’ll be able to get them to do anything either. Remember that Gallic shrug?[/li][li]The Swiss will close your bank accounts.[/li][li]The Dutch will teach the Columbians a thing or two about product.[/li][li]The Dutch will explain exactly how “Dutch New Herring” is prepared. It isn’t: we skin it, rip out its spine and eat that puppy raw. And then we breathe in your faces.[/li][li]I once read that in a Perfect United Europe, the chefs would be French, car manufacturers would be German and the police would be English.[/li]We will be giving you French cars, English cuisine and German police. :eek:
[/list=1]
Give us yer best shot…
P.S. Each and every single one of the American invaders will die from a violent aneurysm once (s)he’s figured out what petrol (that’s gas for you’s) costs over here.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by SkinnyGuy *
[li]You may have more, and better, tanks. But you can’t drive them over here. The roads are too narrow for you, and the oldest, most demented European biddy in a car can and will make any American cry.[/li]
we have bombers. Bombers bomb stuff. Bombers also can carry stuff. Bombers then carry stuff. we have BIG bombers. Big bombers, Logically, then can Carry BIG stuff. a Tank is stuff. A tank is not big stuff. so therefore, a BIG bomber can carry Big Stuff, or lots of little stuff, or some medium stuff. Tanks fall in the Medium-large stuff category. Therefore, Bombers can carry a lot of Tanks. 
The U.S. has been using the Harrier for years and years. And it should be noted that it IS vastly inferior to a supersonic jet fighter in aerial combat; it’s useful and valuable for other reasons.
As to the OP:
If the U.S. was to try to conquer England and we’re to assume the rest of the world declared neutrality, from where would the U.S. launch its invasion? Crossing the entire Atlantic to stage an amphibious assault would be awfully tough.
This is true. We also drag it through a plate of raw onion bits first, to add to the taste. THEN we breathe in your faces untill your skin falls off.
A cultural note: re-dragging through the onions after bite one is NOT permitted, you heathens.
All French cars besides Peugeot, that is. Them’s bitching. And yes, I drive one.
my sleepy mind has only one answer to this:
BULLSHIT
dodgy
Actually, we would probably recruit a regiment of Norwegian Bachelor Farmers from Minnesota to meet this assault with some of their own lutefisk, then hammer you down with the effluent of TexMex chili and some Detroit-built Coney Dogs, finally nauseating you by toasting you with Coors, so on that particular tactic the left side of the Atlantic does have parity with the right side.
Even for MPSIMS, this is a rather silly thread.
Who said the rest of Europe would coe to the rescue?
the UK wouldn’t participate in the European new currency, and would rather not be involved in other European issues. Therefor the rest of Europe would rather let the UK sort everything out for themselves: wanna be an island? then stay on it 
Oh, and when the US would invade the mainland of Europe, they would be confusing themselves to no end, because they wouldn’t know how and where to spend their money. They would go absolutely insane trying to spend their EuroDollars. (As if we in Europe would be so desperate as to model our coinage to a country who lately only knows how to make themselves the laughingstock of the world)
Good luck, fellas !!!
Not nearly silly enough for my taste, Tom
Interesting. You are selecting Americans of European descent to win the fish snack war.
Meanwhile, the Dutch are loading the catapults with broodjes kroket met mayo. The dykes shall be defended
uhm … is this about sticking your finger in a dyke? now that’s something to confuse them silly Americans
Actually, they’ve had special forces units “undercover” in central London for some time–you can spot them by the double-decker baseball caps and Hawaiian shirts. We are gradually undermining them by pointing in the direction of Croydon every time they ask for directions to “Lee-cester-shire-Square”
Oh, Croydon is pretty tedious, but why does it deserve that?
Anyway, in my neck of the woods, they go around cleverly disguised in tartan, perhaps believing this renders them inconspicous. Oh, yes, and they go to St. Andrews and ask directions to “the golf course.” It is usually obvious which blasted golf course is meant, but it was always tempting to direct them to a completely different one. (Never did so, of course.)
Plus, U.S. troops over here would simply go around trying to find where their great-great grandmothers came from.
And, in any case, Britain has plenty of cows with B.S.E., so the burger-eating barbarians would all get Creuzfeldt-Jakob disease and become somewhat mentally impaired, then die.
Skinny Guy:
*You may have more, and better, tanks. But you can’t drive them over here. The roads are too narrow for you, and the oldest, most demented European biddy in a car can and will make any American cry. *
Roads? You imply that any self-respecting tanker would feel constrained by a road?!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
The Swiss will close your bank accounts.
Piffle. We have computer hackers in prison (and those are the dumb ones, mind you) who could take the Swiss economy apart one file at a time faster than they would finish their government-paid conjugal visit.
The Dutch will teach the Columbians a thing or two about product.
And we could remind the Columbians that we’re in a fightin’ mood, and Columbia is a shit-load closer than Britain.
The Dutch will explain exactly how “Dutch New Herring” is prepared. It isn’t: we skin it, rip out its spine and eat that puppy raw. And then we breathe in your faces.
And we can counter with Cajun, Creole and Tex-Mex. Big deal. Once those habaneros hit your colon, that’s it bud: game over.
*I once read that in a Perfect United Europe, the chefs would be French, car manufacturers would be German and the police would be English.
We will be giving you French cars, English cuisine and German police.*
And we’ll import Fords, Fast food and LAPD.
Well, first of all, most of us still are of European descent. It isn’t as if we have much choice.
Secondly, there was no snack war mentioned, only the barbarous prospect of obscene halitosis and nuclear flatulence. “Dutch New Herring” is no more a snack than lutefisk; they are both culturally imposed ordeals to prove one’s ethnic honor. (It isn’t as if either is edible.) And neither Coney’s nor chili have any fish in them.
[Kate Adie - war correspondant]
The US fleet is now within range of Blackpool tower.
They appear to be waiting for the results of the ‘Lets go in by Landing craft/parachute’ ballot.
The paras are demanding a recount.
[/‘This is Kate Adie war correspondant and I’d just like to say - I always wanted to be a lumberjack’]
More after these messages.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Ad Noctum *
**
Umm…they don’t use bombers to carry anything that isn’t a bomb of some sort…that’s why there are transport planes. Bombers don’t make good transports. Stuff tends to fall out the bottom of the plane.
OK, folks, as far as weapons go, it looks like research is required. I suggest these sites - http://www.af.mil (the USAF), http://www.raf.mod.uk (the Royal Air Force), http://www.usmc.mil (the US Marines), http://www.army.mil, http://www.navy.mil, http://www.army.mod.uk, http://www.royal-navy.mod.uk, then go to http://www.janes.com to learn more about the weapons you find on these sites and how they’re used.
Then try to remember this is a pretty silly discussion. Besides, this is what would happen: Everything would go just fine for the US, then some US Marine would make a joke about some Highland regiment soldier’s kilt, and the entire island would erupt into a huge barroom brawl, resulting in Scottish rule over the US and England.
Now that’s an idea! Don’t really want to, though.